Yadda Yadda :: whoopsiedaisies!!!

Not Again?!

2008-01-29T17:14:00.000+08:00

"Anong ulam?"
"Uhhhh....Yun lang?"
"May gulay na kasama?"
"Ah so sayote....anong cut?"
"Sige...una ka na."

This is a phone conversation that I heard when I was in the FX on my way home. I cannot help but hear those words of disinterest as he talked with someone about the dinner he's going to have; I cannot help as well but to get annoyed with how he reacted. You'd say I'm too quick to judge the person at the back seat, but to tell you, it seemed like I heard myself saying those words.

Probably you have at least expressed those phrases on certain occasions, especially when you have eaten the same food but with different ingredients or sauce; and this usually happens when we eat veggies. Perhaps the person who prepared it lacked time to buy from the market or simply has no means to buy food with more costly prices and that they're saving money.

Unknowingly we tend to grumble when we see/experience the same thing God gives us because in full pride we assume as if we've mastered surpassing those. We could even be numb enough to feel that we let the days pass by without rethinking if we should act the same way we did for the past weeks...months...or horribly, years. We just go on our routinary days without realizing if we still keep our characters (especially at home) unchanged...stagnant...especially that we're comfortable with the people we're with at home and that we feel at ease with how they deal with our unacceptable attitude.

Sometimes the Lord would give us the same testing but on each occasion, it comes with a different "cut". We complain, get sarcastic and express the biggest sigh we could ever make because we see each of those testings on a different view. We feel like God's overloading us with too much trials, allowing ourselves to think that they're too many and too huge to take in and carry on with our walk with Him.

And do not be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
in order to prove by you what is that good
and pleasing and perfect will of God.

For I say, through the grace given to me,
to every one who is among you,
not to think of himself more highly
than he ought to think.
But set your mind to be right-minded,
even as God has dealt to every man
the measure of faith.

Rom 12:2-3

Let us cast down all our heavy burdens unto the Lord. Climbing that steep mountain and walking into that narrow road don't come easy but God has promised us that He will walk along with us. Change doesn't happen overnight, but never should we make this a futile excuse to escape from our fleshly nature; God's grace is ever-sufficient and may we see it as a precious gift given to us by the Lord, so we can always be encouraged to change and grow.

God is a God of in-between. We saw how He has called us and He can give us a vision of what our upward call would be like, but He won't tell us the things that we will go through. However, one sweet promise we can hold on to is that He will be with us along those "in-betweens".

Trust Him and His ways always.

Our God is a God of victory!

tambay mode

2007-07-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

Sarap talaga matulog ng walang pressure na kailangan mong magising sa itinakdang oras. Day-off ko kasi. Haha! May times nga lang na boring kasi pag online lang ako at wala nang ibang ginagawa. Pero yun nga, I try to make every second meaningful by doing it for the glory of the King. Sabi nga sa Bible (1 Cor 10:31), "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." It's pretty funny if you're gonna look at it literally and be sarcastic about what was written, but if we start placing the Lord in every area of our lives, we would be motivated to live for Him. No matter what it takes, it's our passion for the Lord that drives us to be more intimate with our relationship with Him, live our lives with a single purpose - and that is to do what He wants us to do, become how He wants us to be and glorify His Name.

Sabi nga sa akin ng youth pastor ko, if we are passionate about something/someone, talaga kahit anong mangyari, like what i said earlier no matter what it takes...you'd be ever-willing to take charge of it and carry it out wholeheartedly. Actually, when these words of wisdom were spoken to me by our youth pastor, uhm, it's in a form of rebuke. It hit me and I needed that or else I wouldn't be awaken with the reality that I had to be refocused. The Lord never gives up on us, He never will. He always uses things, people, situations where it will bring us to our knees and ask for the love, grace and mercy of the Lord to be upon us. He is forever faithful and He wants us to be directed unto Him always.

May we all have a fruitful week. God bless and be a blessing!

im teen!

2007-07-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

Sa ngayon, nalilito na ako kung saan ako magbblog. Pero hindi, sa blogsite pa rin ako loyal! Haha!

Pumapayat na ako masyado and marami nang nakakapansin, at ang mga nakakapansin ay mistulang nalulungkot sa klase ng pangangayayat na ito. Mga katrabaho ko, churchmates ko, pamilya ko, ultimong senior pastor namin! Haha! In short, sa ginagalawan kong mundo, pansin nila. Matutuwa ba dapat ako sa komento nila o hindi? Nakakatuwa dahil di na ako kasing-taba tulad noon, pero sa kabila naman noon ay may nakapagsabi na rin na "hindi maganda" ang pagkapayat ko. Guess I should reducing the frequency of staying up late. Pwede yun ang factor or... stressed out ako masyado. Hmmmm....

O siya, to be continued na lang ito kasi 11:37pm na. Naks! Gusto ko lang mag-blog kasi. Tomorrow baka may mailagay ako na mas malalim pa sa iniisip ko ngayon. Whew! Nose bleed! Haha!

God bless! Have a fruitful week!

nagsimula nang dumating!

2007-07-17T20:32:00.000+08:00

Tama! Dumating na ang panahon na kung saan may mga pag-ulan at pag-kidlat na tayong mararanasan sa mga susunod na araw at buwan. Nariyan na muli ang mga pagkakataon na makikita ko ang kapatid ko na nilalasap niya ang bawat pagbiling sa higaan kasama ang malamig na panahon dahil sa pagsuspinde ng kanilang mga klase. Ako naman, habang nagbibihis ng uniporme para sa paghahanda sa pagpasok ko sa trabaho, ay inaalala ang ilang mga pagkakataon na ako'y estudyante pa at gustung-gusto ang tunog ng ulan na pumapatak habang yakap ng mahigpit ang kumot at unan. Sa ngayon, mananatili na lamang na pangarap iyan sa mahabang panahon sapagkat iba na ang tinatahak kong daanan - ngunit salamat naman dahil ako pa rin ay nasa ilalim pa rin ng kalooban ng Panginoon. Aleluya!

****************

Teka lang. Napagod na ako mag-tagalog ng ganun kalalim! Haha! Wala lang. Umuulan kasi. Kanina pag-uwi ko from work, walang bahid ng bagyo or kung anuman kaya tuloy pa rin ang cell group ko. Nung hinihintay ko ung churchmate ko na magsspeak sa cell group na hina-handle ko, ayun, bumuhos ng malakas ang ulan, parang bagyo! Eh di ako naman, super go pa rin kasi wala naman sa akin yun. Paglabas ko ng bahay, naghahanap ng tricycle, medyo baha na sa amin and ang lakassssssss ng ulan. Tumuloy pa rin ako. Nakisilong muna ako sa may tindahan after kong maglakad ng konti kasi bibigay na yung payong ko pag hinayaan kong magpaalila siya sa lakas ng ulan. Right before I went inside the trike, dad called and commanded me not to push through with my cell group anymore since it's raining hard. Lakas pa ng hangin kamo. Sabi pa ni dad, "wisdom lang dianne!" Napagalitan pa ako. Haha! I never expected it naman kasi na ganun katindi na. So I told dad that I'll just inform my churchmate na rain check na lang. Excited pa naman ako kasi first time na magkakaron ng guest speaker yung cell group namin. Anyways, nainform ko cell group members ko and ok naman sa kanila.

Actually, nagbakasakali ako sa 7-11 kasi dun ko imi-meet ung churchmate ko. Wala siya, na-stuck sa traffic ata. I called him and let him know na cancelled na muna and sa isang araw na lang kami. Buti pumayag siya kahit na malayo pa pinanggalingan niya. Superrrrrrr baha. As in! Dun sa may 7-11. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, di ko na talaga itutuloy. Si Lord na mismo nagsasabi sakin niyan na wag na ituloy to tonight. So there.

Ayun lang po. Konting update lang. God bless you all!!!

feel-ah

2007-07-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

* Natutuwa ako sa mukha ng kapatid ko pag natutulog siya. ganda niya. hehe. ano ba naman yun, siyempre it runs in the blood!

* I don't want to call it this way, but, it seems that I have splurged again. Well, investment naman yun kasi I bought 2 blouses and rubber shoes. Pang-duty lang talaga yung shoes na yun kaya wala masyadong dating, pero i made sure that it is durable naman kaya no biggie yon. Thank You Lord for Your provision!

* Was health-conscious all throughout the day. When we learned that one of my co-staff's cholesterol level is off the charts, we suddenly became cautious of what we're gonna eat. Mahirap nang ma-therapy at gumastos ng pagkalaki-laki dahil lang sinunod mo ang luho mo sa pagkain ng sobrang di na nakakatuwa sa blood vessels mo. Hehe. Kaya ayun, miraculously, kanina sa Sbarro I ordered vegetarian pizza and green garden salad. Bwahaha! And as expected, my parents were amazed of what I ordered. Diet?! Nyorks! Skinny daw ako sabi ng nakararami, pero ayoko namang gawing rason yun para kumain ng marami. Haha! Ako ba talaga tong nagsasalita?!

* Still conditioning myself til the end of the week that starting Monday, I will be allotting one hour for OT-related topics and another hour for enrichment of my spiritual life - studying Anointed Music and Worship. This way I wouldn't be missing my student life that much, since I will be spending a couple of hours alone in my room, browsing and refreshing every detail that I need para di kalawangin utak ko. Hay Lord, let me become consistent with this decision.

* Recovering from cough and colds, I've been 'on leave' for almost a week now in my church activities. Ok lang yun. The Lord knows my limitations and that I should also be taking care of what He has entrusted me with. Not sure if makakasama ako sa pag-back-up sa Sunday service.

* Speaking of Sunday service, I'm already excited how the Lord will move in our midst! Wow! God is amazing!

* And lastly, just wanna share some of my fave songs ;)

May the love and peace of the Lord be upon you all guys this week :)

waaaaaai?!!?!

2007-07-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

Ewan ko ba. Suddenly I miss school. Lectures, quizzes, late-night review, advance studying (ows?!), writing down notes, and the list goes on. Whenever I see my sister wearing her uniform, getting all excited for school and enjoying being with her classmates, I get envious. There were times I regret not being able to share God's Word to my classmates because back then I was no different from them - with my speech, actions, perspectives, interests, etc. Only the Lord's peace and encouragement are the ones that comfort me that everything in my past was part of His wonderful plan for my life.

Inasmuch as I wanted to go back to school for further learning, I could not just indulge myself with that desire and pursue it. I need to be pulled back into reality and see clearly what's going on around me right now. There are things that must be prioritized; and from there, I see another necessity birthing. But what can be done with that thing should also be taken into deep consideration. Di pwedeng pabara-bara. Not only will I be deciding for that need but I have to ask God if I'll be growing spiritually there as well, if ever I'd decide to take that unfamiliar road.

Right now, there's one plan that had suddenly come up on my thoughts. And I will be surrendering that unto the Lord. O God, please continue to lead me in Your path. Guide me, Father, to be directed in the center of Your will...

unfolding little by little

2007-06-27T00:08:00.000+08:00

Now I'm beginning to REALLY see why the Lord is placing His people out in the battlefield. God is allowing me to step out of my comfort zone and be the person that He wants me to be. I have always been asking Him to consume and use all of my being for His glory...and He really never fails to give that desire to His children. When we become transparent to what we say or declare unto the Lord, He can freely move and make His wonderful work in our lives. There will be transformation, breaking, consecration, and purification - perfectly made for the Master's pleasure.

And this what I get. I'm not complaining, in fact, I'm so grateful the Lord is letting me experience what I'm going through right now. I cherish every opportunity wherein I can learn something and develop a Christ-like character. It's not impossible to be conformed into His image. We need His awesome power, grace, and an active faith for change to finally take place in our lives. God's Word is faithful and true! In Him we have our hope and in the midst of our troubles, we can live each day looking unto Him...gaining strength and being refreshed to press on and run this race that Christ has set before us.

God is teaching me to show who He really is in my life as I live amongst the darkness and life's cruelty, in places where hope seems to fade and where hearts are shattered. This is not to present a showcase of my blessings, but to reflect Lord God Almighty through my speech, actions, and character. Showing God ALONE - what He can do and how He can mightily make a transformation in His children. That even though we could be experiencing as well what they are going through, we can show them directly to the One who brings unfailing love and hope - Jesus Christ. It definitely is a challenge, but that's what the Lord requires of us to do; it could be overwhelming, but we can say that we will never run out of His resources (grace, mercy, love, comfort, His Word, etc.). Amen to that!

Thank You Lord for Your Word! Hallelujah!

droppin' by

2007-06-20T10:35:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone. 2 weeks have gone by but lots of things had taken place and i believe God is in control of everything.

A week ago, my sister just stepped into a more 'real world' - college life. By God's grace she'd be able to flourish as a child of God, being a light among her classmates & friends. God is a great provider. AMEN! We were able to pay for her registration and tuition fee; I want to say confidently that God is NEVER late nor too early in fulfilling His promises, if we would just trust completely unto Him. Hallelujah! The Lord sees our hearts, our desires. I saw the move of the Lord in my family and above all those trials and adversities, the glory of the Lord shines through. He giveth and taketh away, blessed be the Name of the Lord! We choose to bless and praise His holy Name.

Again, last week, broadband was installed in our pc. With a grateful heart, with a song of praise, with an outstretched arm, I will bless Your name. Thank You Lord! I just want to thank You Lord! It really was such a good timing coz my sister told me that almost everyday, they will be receiving their assignments and be sending their answers through email. So with this unlimited connection, she won't worry about getting disconnected or having slow up/download of files for her school work. Praise God!

Ministry. Let's talk about my joy in serving the Lord through ministry ;) Well, God is forever great and I always go home with sense of fulfillment and joy after doing church work. It could be misinterpreted that I am loving my ministry over my relationship with the Lord, nope. True enough that I love serving the Lord through my job but i find more joy in doing work for the Kingdom. The message last Sunday gripped my heart and encouraged me to hold on to the Lord's promises and vision that He has placed before me. Habakkuk 2:1-4 is one of my favorite Scriptures in the Bible. "For the vision is yet for an appointed time, though it tarries, wait for it..." I have received lots of Word and somewhat bits of confirmation of my calling, but i choose to WATCH, LOOK and WAIT for the perfect time that God has set for me. Everytime I get done with my ministry work, it's as if my heart wants to cry unto the Lord with questions - When will the Lord release me to the ministry? When will I stop doing what I'm doing (my job) and work full time in the ministry? And my favorite question: When will the Lord send me to Bible School??? Honestly up to now, I've been wondering about these things, most especially the last one. But with the verse that our speaker last Sunday has preached about, it gave me a fresh drive to be faithful with what I'm doing now, grow deeper with my relationship with the Lord and soon, in an appointed time, He will reveal to me His bigger plans and calling for my life. Hallelujah.

God is also dealing with me how to WAIT. Waiting patiently, and not idle waiting. Just enjoy the feeling of what I am now and be cautious with every move that I make, seeing it with he guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Surprises. I love surprises. For a long time (in the natural, i mean, kasi ever surprising si LordÜ) since...oh well, nevermind... I haven't been receiving such things that would make me cry and sit with shock (haha!) because of someone's kindness. It's been a long time since someone gave me something that surprised me like that.

So anyways, don't want to dwell too much on that area. Focused ako ngayon kay Lord, at dapat naman eh palaging ganun. Just wanna share - it's such a wonderful feeling when you begin the day talking to the Lord and meditating on His Word. Siyempre sabi naman ng iba, you can have your devotion anytime as long as you alot quality time with Him. But then, I realized the importance of chewing His Word and greeting the Lord in the morning, right after you open your eyes and get up from bed. it gets you on the go all throughout the day, no matter how terrible your day would be, it's important to have something to carry with you that is eternal, gives you hope and see the brighter side of the situation through the Lord's eyes. Ang sarap ng feeling ng ganun, promise!

Astig ng Mozilla Firefox!

Alright, that's all for now. God bless! See you around ;)

Pangarap kong matupad ang pangarap ko

2007-06-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

Nyahahaha! Hopefully when tomorrow comes, someone will be around here at home to accompany the guy from Globe Broadband!!!! thank You Lord!!! I've been dreaming of having one ever since I was in college; and now, with my sister newly entering college this coming school year, she'll have lots of perks when it comes to projects and assignments. Ito ang kabataan ng 2007! Haha!

I'm in a bliss right now, just like a kid getting her ice cream with her favorite flavor. Already imagining how kuya will install this and that to my computer and amping up my internet connection...woohoooooo!!! Sorry guys, can't help it. I remember going to Arra's place one time to check my email since i ran out of internet card and was waiting for someone's mail. When she said, "ate, sige, pwede ka na mag-check..." i instantly savored my moments clickin' here and there in just a whip! Haha! I can't believe I'm saying all this ignorance with high-speed internet connection.

++++++++++++++++++++

This coming Sunday will be our church's 28th anniversary. It'll be a different one...a yummy one! haha! After the morning service, we will be having Food Festival wherein everything can be bought for only P5.00!!! That's right folks. Hopefully our aim in harvesting souls as well would above all be a victorious one and that the compassion for the lost will increasingly burn in each and everyone's heart of our church.

Really excited for what the Lord will do in my life! Hallelujah for He never ceases to do great things in our lives and reflect His majesty and glory!

Ano ba ito, more than words can say talaga everytime na magsasalita ako about the Lord. HALLELUJAH!!!

Guinayangan Mission Trip 2007

2007-06-03T14:40:00.000+08:00

No matter how frequent people would say that "no words can express" what took place at the recently concluded Guinayangan mission trip, i would still try with the best way that I can to declare how great the Lord has been in the lives of the people of Guinayangan and of the Youth Revive Team. Being expectant of the Lord’s victory during the almost 5-day event has brought my natural and spiritual state to a different perspective and level as well. His grace is truly sufficient and the Holy Spirit has always encouraged us to just rely on the Lord's power as long as we allow Him to move freely in every worship time, plenary session, altar call, or even during that one-time cell group discussion.

It has been informed of us before we got there that hopefully, the spiritual needs of the young people there has to be 'cultivated.' And just like how Ate Oss implicated the word 'cultivate', sometimes the outcome doesn't have to be overtly or instantly positive but this musn't limit us from keeping our faith from rising that something great will happen and that the Lord will make a transformation over the lives of the young people, and even to our own spiritual walk with the Lord. Thank God because He has already made His briefing through Ate Oss that we shouldn't be disheartened if we didn't see the that easily the response that we have expected of them, as seen during most youth revive fellowships and the like. During the first few sessions/altar calls, I was disappointed but immediately the Lord has replaced it with hope, telling me that He is soverign and He is presently molding their hearts; that I need not to worry about it but instead, nurture my hope with fervent prayers. I believe they all wanted to be vessels of honor, it's just that they are in struggle to allow God to burn their own personal "chaff". And God was and is faithful indeed! Nothing can really hinder His ways and it will always be fulfilled...in His perfect time. Every session/altar call, the Lord is little by little breaking every hindrance in the hearts and lives of these young people so they could be utilized maximally for His pleasure and glory. Even their responses after the preachings were having a progression, they were responding more quickly and I noticed their increasing desire to be pure and holy before the King. During the Friday afternoon session, when I honestly thought and prayed that the young people would comprehend what the speaker was preaching about since his approach was a bit different from the previous speakers. But God has vindicated the situation. It never was really about the manner of delivering His message (though in some way it still counts) - if He wants it done, He will make it happen in any way He pleases - may it be boring or dynamic in men’s perception. It shocked and amazed me when the a challenge was brought right in front of them and the young people freely surrendered themselves unto the Lord and fell down on their knees. The glory and presence of the Lord was so strong and when the song, "We choose the fear of the Lord" was sung, surely the spirit of holy reverence unto the Lord has clouded the whole place, and it was intensely felt by every person that time. Darkness shall increase but the light that we have received from the Lord shall burn more brightly and manifest righteousness through our lives by His grace. It is my prayer for these young people of Guinayangan to press on, be on fire for the Lord even if there's no grand activity such as the recent camp or huge gatherings; that they will continue to desire for excellence in all areas of their lives, approved solely by the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Jesus Christ.

The Lord always makes me stand in awe of His greatness on how He makes all things beautiful. There were times during the praise and worship when you all want to do is linger in His sweet presence; more of like growing deeper in love with our Savior even in the midst of spiritual battle when you just like to rest and refresh yourself anew for more exciting days are yet to come. Praise God and His majesty reigns forever!

For a couple of times I have been disappointed for not being able to join previous mission trips of Youth Revive since there were other priorities that needed to be addressed at those times. But then again, if you continue to desire for it and if it is under the will of the Lord, nothing and no one can hinder its fulfillment. This is my first time to be part of the mission team and it definitely was the Lord's perfect timing for me to be completely used for His glory. The moment I learned that I will be a worship leader in one of the sessions of that camp, three things suddenly struck me: this is going to be my first time to ever usher a larger number of people (not to mention 'type' of people) into worship; never rely on past victories; and keep a humble spirit. Since the only type of people I have led into worship were our church’s young people, anxiety started to set in but continuously asked the Lord's grace and leading of the holy spirit to be upon me. It'll be a bit more different this time, I said to myself. I asked Ate Licette and Kuya Arjun about the type of songs that the congregation sing so I'd have an inkling, one way or another. The moment I completed my line-up of songs, I began dwelling on His leading and allowed the Lord to stir up my heart through those songs. Many times before I was worried of the possibility of not being able to usher them into the presence of the Lord and it has greatly become part of my concern. And one of the wonderful things I have learned, bearing this responsibility, was to fully yield yourself and just worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, forsaking men’s approval but of God alone...leaving everything in His hands and on how He will minister into the hearts of the people.

Another is ministering to the young people through teaching and prayer. When you share the Word of the Lord and pray for them (like during altar calls), you really have to be careful on what you say and what you impart on them; that's why an honorable and sanctified vessel as a servant of the Lord must be something to be yearned for because you will also be held accountable of what you release and plant in their heart, spirit, and mind. It is a great responsibility and requires a greater judgment, but never should we be discouraged to pursue maturity for as we let the Lord refine us and become what He wants us to be, His glory continues to be reflected and wonderful rewards await us in heaven.

Aside from the fact that this is my first time joining a mission trip, this is by far one of the most unforgettable trips I've ever been to because once again the Lord has revealed unto me another confirmation of His calling. For a long time I have been praying unto the Lord to what my calling would be like since desires in my heart are starting to arise and I needed a clearer direction. After 5 years, I received a Word from the Lord and a prophecy. Nakakagulat talaga si Lord! I never expected that I will be hearing those things on such activity. Hallelujah! My desire for missions now is growing strong and the Lord always reminds me that He is bringing peace in my heart that I currently am at the center of His will. I cannot imagine myself being away from His presence; I know I will be secure and protected in His arms. Thank You Lord for this assurance! As I heard that prophecy, the next person who prayed for me has spoken a great encouragement from the Lord to experience 'crucified life' before receiving a new dimension in my life. Everyday I ask the Lord for the things that need to be sacrificed or my desires that should be set aside first to prioritize what the Lord wants me to fulfill at the present.

All glory and honor unto Him Who is able to keep us from falling! This mission trip was a great experience and wonderful training as I continue to be molded by the Lord for the fulfillment of His upward calling for my life. The Lord has already secured me of the reality that I will be experiencing discomfort in the whole duration of the trip and I praise God because it never has become my struggle ;) Hallelujah and thank You Lord!

GLORY TO GOD!!!

Get all excited, go tell everybody that...

2007-05-14T19:24:00.000+08:00

...we're goin' on a mission trip!

haha!

for sure excited na talaga lahat sa mga pupunta sa mission trip. at eto pa, ngayon ko lang napagtanto na ang tamang spelling ng pupuntahan namin ay guinAyangan; i thought it's guinyangan - it's just pronounced like this by the locals but yung former ang talagang tama. hay! kung kailan na-print out ko na yung IDs, saka lang namin napansin! nakita pa ng senior pastor namin. hihi...sorry po pastor!

there will be different presentations kasi for each night, kaya each church must prepare as many presentations as they can para hindi maubusan. first night daw is evangelistic night, yun kumbaga ang pinaka-unang gathering for the whole trip. ang sabi sa amin, camp daw yung mangyayari; the young people from guinayangan will be staying where the sessions and revival nights will take place...para hindi na raw sila gumastos ng malaki for pagbabangka at sa paglalakad nila ng napakalayo. it's very humbling to know these stories where the believers of the Lord need to exert much of their effort just to get to the church and serve Him, without complaints or anything that would question God of their situation.

last night was our first practice (yung representative ng church namin) and 1 3/4 ang naaccomplish namin na presentation. woohoo! thank You Lord! haha! supposedly may practice din kami today kaso yung magkapatid naming kasama eh may pinuntahan, buti na lang we filled the time gap of waiting for the boys kung tuloy ba o hindy by making the IDs. we edited the template that i did and saka namin pina-print sa labas tapos laminated it sa church. masaya naman in fairness, yun nga lang, ang konti namin sa church kaya di masyado masaya kwentuhan. hehe. last night talaga, bonding kaming 5 youth leaders. tawanan, nakagawa pa kami ng 1-stanza-1-chorus na video (arra, load mo sa You Tube! haha!).

ayun. daming activities sa church kaya sa thursday na next namin na practice. after nun, monday and tuesday night na with other churches. tapos wednesday ng 12mn - WOOHOOOOOO!!! go go go!

since maaga kaming natapos ngayon in making IDs and postponed practice namin, i'll be spending my time na preparing for short messages for cell groups doon. hay!

***

nga pala, naka-boto na ako. 2nd taym! hehe! yun lang. still trusting in the Lord na maaayos ang government natin. in man's ways that seems to be a wishful thinking, but in God, all things are possible. Amen!

Our Mission

2007-05-07T15:55:00.000+08:00

THE MISSION

Steve Green, 1989

There's a call going out Across the land in every nation

A call to those who swear allegiance to the cross of Christ

A call to true humility, to live our lives responsibly

To deepen our devotion to the cross at any price

Let us then be sober, moving only in the Spirit

As aliens and strangers in a hostile foreign land

The message we're proclaiming is repentance and forgiveness

The offer of salvation to a dying race of man

Chorus:

To love the Lord our God

Is the heartbeat of our mission

The spring from which our service overflows

Across the street or around the world

The mission is still the same

Proclaim and live the Truth

In Jesus' name

As a candle is consumed by the passion of the flame

Spilling light unsparingly throughout a darkened room

Let us burn to know Him deeper

With our service flaming bright

Will radiate His passions

And blaze with holy light

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This song really makes a great impact in my life and there comes a deep realization that i must do my responsibility as a Christian. I'm not being forced to do it; however, it's only by the Lord's love that truly compels me to share the Gospel to the lost. My desire to become a missionary is starting to arise within me but there are still lots and lots of preparation, training and consecration that i must undertake to become full equipped and armored as a soldier of the Lord.

Being part of the team for the mission trip will surely bring me to a whole new different level of knowing the Lord and how He wants me to be consumed for His glory. I'm very expectant of every good thing that the Lord will do; and when i mean good, it doesn't have to be overtly positive in man's eyes - it could be disappointing or frustrating, but definitely God will always bring the very best out of what will happen in every little detail that's gonna take place.

Meanwhile, the cell group that I'm handling right now is...well, on a crisis. I fully rely on the power and wisdom of the Lord because i don't want to see them completely getting their lives out of hand just because of the earthly affections that their eyes have laid upon.

God is refining us each and every day. We get to grow and mature as we see each situation and obstacle in our lives through His eyes. May His unfailing love continue to envelope us in the midst of brokenness and purification for His Kingdom.

peaceful... creek creek

2007-04-27T01:02:00.000+08:00

well, not in a creepy way, i mean. it's just that there are some things in my life where i have re-arranged to get right back on track. Before, i knew i was hitting the road well, but, suddenly it seemed to become so hazy, blurry and full of rocks. i never realized those things plus a few distractions that came my way. they're not sin per se; however, the moment i laid my eyes upon them, i was very lured and in turn slowed down my course of journey as a Christian. my relationship with the Lord has faced a traffic sign of yellow light...for quite some time, and it's not benefiting me anymore. i really was slowing down! probably if i'd still be giving too much attention on those matters til now, the belief of being "focused" just on the Lord and what He wants me to be will only be a flat-out delusion.

it's not that i'm saying that the ride's already smooth, without hassle and like i'm now on the go, but i'm just so thankful to the Almighty Father for using some situations in my life to take some time to contemplate and make an immediate action plan about it. it's very difficult to let go of these things that so easily entangle me because they have grown on me already. again, it's not as easy as releasing or throwing away an object/non-living material...and this is what makes me shut my eyes in exasperation and in mercy of the Lord to help me because i currently am tapering of letting go of my weaknesses. step by step i'm gonna move forward by the grace of God and i'll be fruitful if i continue to fix my eyes upon Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. this doesn't mean i'll become bitter toward those situations, it's just that i'm taking one step at a time and not pushing myself to happen what i WANT to happen. i allow the Lord to let this transformation take place in my life right now matched with an active faith ;)

i'm doing great now, thank God! i'm ok with that thing (i guess) because for now, that's what the Lord wills in my life. just enjoying that feeling but now i'm more conscious not to be driven too much with it, making my relationship with my Savior and Bestfriend Jesus Christ get affected. now the Lord is teaching me to just trust in the peace that He has given me as i continue to seek and aim for the highest calling that He has for me. little by little He's revealing Himself more to me...His plans; i find His presence sweeter everyday and i don't wanna miss these experiences for the world for this is far more eternal and rewarding.

hallelujah! i declare victory! victory! victory!

=========================================

kanina my boss has given his permission for me to join the youth mission trip at guinyangan, quezon. praise God!!! it will be on May 23-27. mahaba-haba ito! mukhang aalisin talaga ako ni Lord sa comfort zone! pero ok lang, i know naman na as i experience it all, God's love will still rest upon my soul.

this is my very first time engaging in such trip and i'm so excited because i've been keeping my options open to what the Lord would want in my life...and this includes being in missions. in my heart i strongly believe the Lord will send me somewhere someday, i just don't know when, how and where. all i am holding to right now is my desire and longing to glorify Him as i reach the upward call. in due time the Lord will confirm it to me...in His perfect time.

A fire kindled

2007-04-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

since my co-bloggers here (arra and josh) already gave their personal blow-by-blow account of what they've experienced during the FMCC Family Camp 2007, well...yours truly would also like to give her a similar yet with a different kind of flavor report regarding the breath-taking summer event.

excitement >>> i get ecstatic everytime i attend a meeting that will be discussing the camp. ecstatic and tired, actually. honestly, just thinking about it especially that i am one of the people who will serve the Lord and participate in doing this and that at the camp, it makes me tired. people at work would say that i'll be having a "vacation" this coming holy week. well, in my defense, i have explained little our event to my co-staff - what we're gonna do and how busy yet amazing it will be. pretty much i have convinced her naman. :)

Youth Revive Cells >>> fruit of the holy spirit kasi ang pinangalan sa mga different cells; and the name of our group - PEACE. akmang-akma sa akin kasi marami akong pinag-iiisip, masyadong maraming inaalala. kaya pinanghahawakan ko talaga and i really embrace our group's name. sabi nga eh we become what our name beholds. Phil 4:6-7 ang group verse namin. :) i've learned lots of things when my co-youth leader and i handled our group. hindi lang ako ung nagturo, marami akong na-realize and i was indeed blessed by the different testimonies that my members have declared. the power of the Lord goes deep into the lives of His people kaya unbelievable mga revelations Niya sa bawat isa sa amin. i miss our group kahit in a short span of time lang kami nag-bond. praise God!

Revival Nights >>> matindi na to! I've known Ptr Dennis Teague in preaching short but very substantial messages, creates a whole new different impact on things about the Lord.

a. Praise and Worship >>> Zion definitely is a place of singing! This part of every service is what I'm always expecting for because personally, this is one of my best ways (hallelujah!) wherein I'd give my everything that has once belonged to the world. Weariness has no room during those nights for every soul in that auditorium was touched by the move of the holy spirit and was deeply ministered through the songs. Hosanna, hosanna...You are the God who saves us, You're worthy of all our praises!

b. Specific Prayers >>> I was astounded on how great the timing of the Lord was during those altar callings to everyone. Particularly those really specific prayers, these were not pre-empted nor being spoken to the team of Ptr. Dennis prior to the Revival Nights since the people needing those kind of prayers came from different churches and most probably would never occur to them that they should be bringing that up to the team. Pero the Lord is just amazing; even someone with pain on the toe was discerned by Ptr Dennis' wife, Sis. Dianne.

>>> During this part of the revival night, I was able to respond to 2 of the altar callings. The first one was about those who are part of the Music Ministry. Without having second thoughts, I immediately walked up front and asked for a double portion of anointing from the Lord so He could use me as a holy and pleasing vessel, pure and blameless before His Throne. Only by the Lord's grace we can only minister to the congregation through worship/music. There's nothing we can boast of, including our skills/talents for the Lord doesn't count what we possess, but how our hearts are before Him as He searches right through us. The second altar calling was for the ones who are interested/inclined to computer technology or whose courses involve computer. Again, I responded to the call and received blessing as He uses me in the cyberspace for His glory and pleasure. This was applied 2 Saturday nights ago at church, I was unexpectedly assigned (actually reliever ako) to do the newsletter. I have no confidence doing it though I always have the desire making a layout. By the grace of the Lord and praise Him, for though there was pressure included since due to certain circumstances I was only able to start doing it around 10:30pm, the newsletter came out good. For the first time, I was satisfied with what our youth pastor and I did.

c. Tunnel of Fire >>> 98-100% of my brothers and sisters in Christ would say that this is their most memorable part of the camp. And I couldn't blame them, because this has made a vast impact on my life as well. If you want to know how this tunnel of fire works, please check arra or josh's blog. Haha! The moment I entered the tunnel, with my feet standing and knees not shaking, I thought I could go through the tunnel without getting any extreme manifestation of the holy spirit. God has vindicated me wrong this time. He really is a mysterious God and He works it out in a very unexpected manner. By the time i was laid hands upon by the 3rd pair of pastors, I began to feel something intense and grumbling in my tummy. Nope, it wasn’t a call of nature. You could feel it if you do have THAT urgency to go but this intance, I was confident that it wasn't what we think that it was. It was like something was being chastened within me, painful but I was seeing it in a totally different perspective. The enemy tried to knock my thoughts that an evil spirit is dwelling in me that's why the manifestation was so intense. But the Lord has given me peace that as I went through the tunnel, He is purging me. Uhhh...deliverance? Siguro. As I spoke in tongues, I also kept on shouting and crying out to the Lord to consume me, take everything that is within me and leave nothing for I belong to Him alone. It's like I'm embracing Him and I desire to be cleansed so I could be pure and fit for the Master's use. There's nothing else that I would want to do than to please Him in all areas of my life.

After saying those phrases, I felt that really, the Lord was consuming all the impurities of my life and purifying my thoughts and heart, and that’s the time I couldn't move anymore and surrendered myself to the Lord. I fell into His glorious presence. You can never withstand His glory and can never contain it - one way or another you're gonna need to let it out and release into His majestic presence. Amazing.

***This blog has been long overdue since the camp finished 2 weeks ago. Though the experience of that camping was already a history, the fire, encoruagement and anointing that we have received there will always remain burning passionately in our lives and impart it to the people around us by His grace. Darkness needs a light. And the Lord has granted us the fire that He has kindled in us to bring forth and declare to others the beauty of having an eternal life with Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raise up the victory banner of the Almighty God!

testimonies!

2007-03-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

random thoughts lang ulit...di ako masyadong seryoso ngayon...sige, game na.(asan ang referee? nyerks...corny!!!! what's happenin'??!)

> batang bibo: natawa lang ako sa pila ng FX kanina sa mega kasi ba naman, may batang nanlilimos at habang inaabot ang plastic cup ng jolibee eh kumekembot pa. san ka pa?! mga bata nga naman, dumadami na rin ang strategies nila ah. naging convincing naman kaya may ilang nagbigay, excluding me.

> talaga nga naman: may ibang drivers na talagang hari kung hari ang asta. pag may pasaherong nagsabi ng "ma, sa tabi lang ho", your-wish-is-my-command naman ang gagawin. good thing? not really. sa gitna ba naman ng daan pe-preno! sabi nga ng dad ko, dapat kasi sinasabi na natin eh, "ma, sa gitna lang po.." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! pasok ka dad! galeng ng punch lines mo ever! di ba?? ewan ko na lang kung hindi siya papara sa tabi nyan ;)

> in-patient rotation = APRIL-MAY. malapit na ulit ako maging taong bedside. kahit na wala ka pang na-treat na patient sa mga kwarto, eh feeling mo pagod ka na kasi kaka-lakad mo dahil sa iba't ibang kadahilanan. ex: diaper change, delayed tube feeding, napuyat daw yung pasyente kaya matutulog muna, iniiwasan yung relatives na mahilig makialam at parang mas marunong pa sa ginagawa mo. mga ganun ba. magiging ka-rubbing elbows ko na ulit mga doctors sa pakikipag-agawan ng mga charts na minsan eh may halong ka-tarayan pa with matching look na, "you're nothing but a terapista..." hihihi....

> Bible School: last night i just found out one of my co-youth leaders is going to the bible school at nainterview na siya ng school director agad. waaaahhh! i'm happy for him, pero ako i always keep on wondering, asking and telling God how much i really want to go there. mukhang ipapa-una na Niya muna si dad :)

> fly away...: baka later this year i'd be applying for eligibility to take an exam. yung eligibility is valid for 5 years pero right now, hanggang dun pa lang ako may peace sa heart ko. ayoko pa mag-exam. right now, im enjoying my work. im confident naman kasi may Word na binigay sakin si Lord --- Is. 55:12 "For you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace..." it's very comforting to know that God tells you this in a very amazing way...through a dream! si Lord? simply amazing!

> True Love Waits: amen! no matter how strong the people around me say that i need to have a boyfriend, by God's grace He still keeps me standing firmly on His wisdom na, "never awaken love until it pleases..." nasa Songs of Solomon yan, very biblical kaya i do not fret much about this little white spot. kaya itong taong isa sa nag-iinspire sakin eh ayun, inspiration pa rin at kinikilig pa rin ako sa kanya, pero i just surrender my hopes unto the Lord. sabi nga sa Jeremiah 17:7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, for his hope is the Lord." ayus! kaya sa mga single out there, we're blessed! :)

> G-A-P-O: some of my co-youth leaders are now somewhere in singapore, perhaps on their way to the hostel who had just finished their dinner situated along the road (mga open-air food court) or katatapos lang ng youth convention. hay! kung may leave credits na ako, for sure makakasama na ako. i've been there kasi last year and halos sinuyod ko na yung (thanks to my dad's friend who works at sentosa) major hot spots sa nakapa-LAMIG (haha) na bansang iyon. yung convention na lang talaga ang ipupunta ko dun if ever the Lord would allow me to go back there next year.

> THANK YOU LORD!!!: my boss has allowed me (after praying about it) to have a change of duty from monday to maundy thursday and take a leave (without pay hehe) on black saturday this coming holy week. glory to God! at least makakapag-participate na ako ng todo sa camp unlike last year na saling pusa lang kasi humabol lang ako nun because of work and bago pa ako nun. yay!!!

so these are some of the things that runs through my mind lately. well, parang testimonies ko na rin talaga to sa inyo of the Lord's goodness in my life.

God bless you all!

this is how we overcome!

2007-03-04T14:34:00.000+08:00

hmmm...everybody is a candidate of falling short from His glory. no one can escape in facing temptation or enticement of the enemy. but as part of God's mighty army, we must always firmly put on the full armour of Christ. possessing it isn't enough, we need His grace to embody, protect and carry these different parts of Lord's body armour. oh Lord, have mercy. have mercy on Your children...that we may run and finish this race and focus in investing things for eternity. the Lord Jesus had told us clearly that we are going to face challenges and hardships in life, but He has also encouraged us not to lose heart, for He first has overcome the world. do not lose heart. indeed, His Words are unfailing. His promises are comforting.

Jesus died on the Cross to offer us this great, great salvation. it's up to us if we'd declare to accept and hold steadfastly on this gift of eternal life at the end of this age. we need Him, greater than us, so we can fully be transformed and conformed to what & how He wants us to be. we will overcome by His mighty arm every trap, obstacles, and everything that so easily entagles us and keep us from doing what is good in His eyes.

"...never get tired of doing what is good...for then we shall reap a harvest if we faint not..."

sunod sa galaw!

2007-02-25T00:23:00.000+08:00

hindi yan poster ng psych-thriller flick. ako yan.

oh yeah. it's a blessing that i'm an able-bodied person, or else, i would most likely have developed a pressure sore on my coccyx (super low back area..dun!). the reason: i had my hair rebonded! took me 9 hours to get rid of this hopeless look of my hair. it really paid off, thank God! i've been wanting this thing since last year, but i only had the time and the money this 2007 so there's nothing more i would say, however, than...THANK YOU LORD!

ang hirap ng ganitong feeling din. with great hair, comes great responsibility. haha! i need to maintain this without getting 'dented' or having unnecessary curves. i'm still wondering, how will i ever get myself to sleep without messing it up?!!!! and i'm gonna have to do this til monday night just to let the chemical applied on my roots fully take effect. oh man! but hey, it feels good.

soft, shiny hair...ayt!

2007 with a bang!

2007-01-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

in a few minutes i'll be crashing on my bed and soak myself into deep slumber. gotta be ready for another week of my hectic schedule. since the start of this year, i have been nothing but keeping myself balanced with all the work needed to be done - church, work, family and personal matters. for a short period of time before 2006 ended i certainly have missed being on the go with churchwork. for 6 months i wasn't able to attend saturday fellowships and other activities due to work. and now, i thank the Lord because He is always in good timing - there are lots of things to be done this january and february...and....my day off in these months is SATURDAY!!! hooyah! ;p

our youth core team was able to plan for the months of january up to june of this year and i get excited everytime i think of what the great Lord could do as He fulfills His own masterplan for our youth ministry. may He freely move and continue on with the leading of the holy spirit and His Word.

i also thank the Lord placing me in my work right now and He placed me there for a year already (in 3 months time). praise God! He has established me there because i know there are lots of things that He would want to teach and develop in me to grow into maturity. this has been of great help to me and my family and i just want to bring back all the praises and honor unto the Lord Almighty alone. hallelujah!

personally, i praise Him because He is faithful and majestic. His wisdom and power supersedes everything. His plans are always better than ours. God's ways will only be unfolded if we continue to seek His face and grow intimate with our relationship with Him every sweet day that He gives us. He does His own work, in His own mysterious ways. if we just let ourselves surrender under His plan and will, He can use (most of the time) providential arrangement of situations to confirm that it is God Who is moving...Who is in control.

once again, i've proven that when i've been seeking (and still doing so) the Lord how will He lead me this year - if He'll let me go, in the soonest time possible. whenever i ponder on this matter, i always feel half-hearted because i know i'm not yet ready to go. i believe the Lord will send me somewhere and do His work as a tentmaker, but not this time yet. i was yearning for a confirmation from Him by letting the things as they are, wait upon Him and let the Master do the work. and yes, praise the Lord...for He has answered my prayer (though not yet completely...but it's already a guide..). last saturday, i was told, together with my other churchmates/co-youth leaders, to be one of the cupbearers during worship services, mainly during sunday service. hindi pa muna ako pinapaalis ni Lord kasi may gusto pa Siyang i-develop and i-train sa akin... it has always been my desire to use my voice solely for the Lord and my other skills as well. my heart overflows with joy and cheer the moment i heard that! i'm already being used by the Lord before to lead the young people to worship and now, becoming a cupbearer as one of the ministers for the congregation of our church is the Lord's way of preparing me to fulfill the highest calling that He has for me to radiate His glory.

...at paos ako ngayon. haha! but hey, i love it! of course our bodies should also be well taken care of because this is the only body that the Lord will ever lend us. =) kaya matutulog na ako. when our strength ends, that's when God's grace begins to help us become victorious in every step of our way.

God bless you all! have a fruitful 2007!

blessed Christmas to all!!!

2006-12-29T22:59:00.000+08:00

got nothing to say actually. oh, here's one - MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :)

my Christmas week was sort of a bum coz first, i wasn't able to join the Youth Revive Camp from 26-29. i could've endured the lonesome feeling if there were church activities; but then again, it's Christmas, and everyone's on a break now. everything will resume next year. bummer.

so after work i immediately go home and feel alone - that's the second point. my mom and my sister stayed in the province to be with my lola and help her survive Christmas without missing much our lolo...if in any way THAT could be possible. i know there are lots of house chores to be done and i guess that's one of the reasons why the Lord didn't let me join the youth camp - to get domesticated and have a more personal contemplation on things that needed to be focused on. in some ways i have seen going home straight from work an advantage coz i was able to wash my uniform early and route my hands back on the kitchen area to cook meals. i can say i've done a satisfactory job in handling those chores. one thing that needs my dire attention is my bedroom. i'm gonna need my sister's cooperation since we share that bedroom, plus we have to clean together the bookshelf since both our stuffs are stuck there. before during my college break, i get to clean our room, spick-and-span. i even endured my dust allergies just to be over and done with all the dirty work so i can sleep soundly at night. ohhhhh, i miss that. hmmm...gotta do that on............my first saturday off? sure. hope so. after all, our youth fellowship won't be starting til the 13th. =)

what else do i need to point out? there must be a third point. wag na lang. i decided to just keep it to myself. well i never kept it to myself; my dad and Lord Jesus know what it is. let's just leave it at that, alright?

to tell you honestly, i feel envious and ecstatic to the ones who were able to attend the youth camp. all throughout the camp, i've been texting my churchmate and asked her from time to time what's going on or what the Lord has done on that particular day. i always do this daydreaming as to what they're doing that moment, and so on. and whenever i do that, i feel envious. for the ecstatic part, i'm truly glad that the young people were able to experience His presence in almost every part of the program - sessions, praise and worship, and even during the games. it's not that i'm saying i'm already past that kind of encournter with the Lord but my heart's desire is for the young people to know Him and dig deeper in His Word; to know His desire for their lives, walking with fear of the Lord.

uulitin ko pa: i feel bad wala ako dun. of course every camp or gathering bears a theme and every theme holds a great anointing because that's what the Lord spoke to the leaders organizing that event. ganda as always ng theme of this year's youth camp: Walking Circumspectly, Living in Purity. not only the young ones would need that, and not only it tackles about love. sure, that's one of the main topics needed to be discussed but it really encompasses a very huge issue. being pure, holy, and acceptable before the Lord...blameless and without wrinkle should we desire...long for. as we walk in our daily journey as His soldier, we would have to look closely every road that we pass through and see to it if we should be taking that way or not.

ayayay....mahaba-haba itong usapin but i will not keep you bored since this is getting long already. chat na lang tayo or email mo ako if you are still undecided of the REAL truth. pero here's a teaser muna: JESUS is the ONLY WAY to heaven.

God bless and have a wonderful holiday!

*trip kong ilagay din dito ang ilan sa mga new year's resolutions ko...wala lang, para maki-uso and para tignan ko kung pwede kong gawing totohanan ang mga yun ;p

let my lifesong sing to You

2006-12-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

PRAYER & PROPHECY during the GIFT concert

"And I pray Lord for these young people who led us to worship You tonight. I pray O God that they will be worshippers of You. Lord they will not be performers O God on the stage, on the platform but they will be worshippers of You, O God. For God this is just the beginning O Lord of something great that You're going to do in their lives O Lord God...that from out of this place You shall send them out, O God, to touch the lives of young and old O God; hear the Word of the Lord; for God shall raise men to touch the hearts of people and you shall sing the song of the Lord for if you honor that song of the Lord you shall compose melodies, you shall compose songs, lyrics that will touch the hearts even in great peoples of all, yes, for God shall raise you up if you shall remain humble in the sight of the Lord you shall sing before crowds of people, even hundreds and thousands of people, yea, humble yourselves before the Lord your God, and He shall lift you up and you shall be a channel of God's blessing, of salvation, of healing, of anointings..."

---> Hallelujah! blessed be the Name of the Lord our God!!!

tough sailing

2006-12-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

kaya siguro hindi pa ako mapayagan ni Lord na mag-bible school ako kasi ang dami pa rin na unseen clutters sa buhay ko at nahihirapan akong walisin. nagiging white elephant na kasi kaya parang feeling ko part na siya ng buhay ko pero di naman pala dapat....

to better picture what i'm about to say, gagawan natin ng konting modification:

tipong ni-remind ako ng landlady na ayus-ayusin ko ung tinitirhan ko dahil darating yung talagang may-ari nung nirerentang bahay kong yun. tapos ung landlady na yun, nakita niya naaaaaaaaaapakadami kong kalat pa pala. i kept on insisting that i'm satisfied with where they are now. pero yun nga, i need to remove them pa rin kasi it's not pleasing...it doesn't count in the standards of the owner. kung di ko yun aalisin kaagad, in a day or two pag nakita yun ng may-ari, sibak ako sa tinitirhan ko. i was already given a chance to do what's necessary, and yet i still inclined my ear to my very own lies.

ayokong dumating yung araw na mangyari pa yun. i love living within the Lord's presence and how He works in my life. obedience is better than sacrifice talaga. the other way around will never work. even if i keep on thinking that by doing this and that would glorify Him, pero kung ako mismo eh sa personal kong buhay di ko naman nagglorify si Lord, everything that i've done will be in vain.

yung mga simpleng bagay di ko pa maayos, yun nga...napaka-simple na lang yun gawin di ko pa magawa. how much more pag nabigyan na ako ng mas malaki at mahirap na responsibility, eh di wala na? malulunod na lang ako sa hiya kasi in the first place, God will never give me greater opportunities to mature kasi di ako maalis sa primary level.

i truly believe that God is a God of abundance, and with that, i know that it also encompasses the principle of giving us abounding grace and mercy as we get transformed into His likeness. mahirap, pero there's Someone greater who can carry us to sail through the hardships that we encounter.

i'll be overcoming this by His grace!

welcoming my day off

2006-12-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

i'm getting psyched with what dad and i are gonna bond about this afternoon. i was shocked last monday when dad told me that on my day off, we're gonna go out on a "date" and have a little chit chat about everything. uh oh. is it what i think he's thinking? ugh. butterflies start to flap its wings, thus making my stomach get jittery and also as the day off approaches. and now, it has come to its appointed time. i was excited because that's the only moment when i can express to dad everything that i feel without getting the thought of being demeaned or intimidated. i guess dad already knows what i want to discuss with him. i'm really looking forward to this date with my father because i absolutely want to hear clearly what he thinks about certain things that concern my twenty-something life.

twenty-something. have i learned anything new and have i reached the maturity that my age demands for? with my chin raised (and pointed upwards, wag, exaggg naman! haha!) and carrying a bag of confidence, nope. not that close. on the latter phrase i'm not sure though if i have improved even for just an inch. probably, yes, on some areas, but on far more important ones, i have to say it's still a work in progress. i'm glad i'm seeing my effort and how i react on the progress that i mention here. i just really hope i'm taking a firm stand on that italiced word. =)

errrrr....

2006-11-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

inaantok na ako.

4 hours lang tulog ko kagabi. hay ewan ko ba.

walang saysay itong sinasabi ko rito. may hinihintay ako but it's best not to expect it all kasi gusto ko na ring matulog. haha. yung "haha" ko period ang punctuation; hindi exclamation point. kasi pagod ako. at antok na.

gusto ko ring kumain. pero buti na lang kumain na ako kasama si arra kanina sa jollibee bago pumunta sa youth leaders' fellowship night. sarap sana ng ulam dito sa bahay, tinolang hito (huwaw!!!)...kasi inaantok na ako at feeling ko naman busog na ako.

bakit wala pa rin? o siya...hayaan na natin yun. magta-type lang ako rito. maghihintay lang til 11:30. let's see. hehe.

my eyelids are already half-closed, yet i'm still typing. coz i can't help it. it's not that i'm addicted to doing this kind of stuff, it's just that i need to get this out of my system and helps me release what really bugs me at this moment.

tama nga si dad. pano pag nag-mongha nanaman yun? ha! oh well... may ganun eh. "...forget all that keep you from praising Him...delight in His mercy and love..." ...must set all my affections above. i'm glad because i can see how God is working in my life.

alright....just in time...dumating na yung hinihintay ko. bwahaha! pareho pala kami na ano...

everytime i act, speak, or think, i believe that the Lord is guiding me and by the the holy spirit and His grace, i'm able to perceive well and comprehend every situation that i'm in. mas nagiging aware ako kung ano yung dapat kong ikilos. hindi naman kasi pwedeng sabihin na "eh tao lang ako eh..." tao lang nga but are we sure that it's pleasing to the Lord? if we consider God as our Bestfriend, we must never do things that would displease Him and not in line with the Truth. we must remember that if we want our character to be transformed and possess what Jesus had shown us when He was literally stepping His feet on this earthly ground, there's His ever-present holy spirit to help us be changed little by little. God is greater than anything in this world and He is powerful enough to cause us to mature and develop a Christ-like character. it is possible if you know you get motivated every single day that God is always with you to help you overcome your weaknesses.

and that's what makes me always amazed about Christ. He is marvelous, majestic and able to make anything possible...to make the mountains move...to provide us with strength and might to accomplish what He wants us to fulfill.

God is great!

ipakita mo galing mo! bwahaha!

2006-11-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

whoopeee!!! after months of cramming and burning our eyebrows off for the accreditation of our hospital, we finally did it! not sure though if we we're gonna get the gold seal of accreditation but what's certain is (as in 99.9% sabi ni arra), all in all we're excellent as far as their assessment of our hospital is concerned. accredited na kami in short. galing! praise God! sana totoo talaga to...kasi masasayang tong post kong to if not. haha, joke! pero i don't think babawiin na yun, the head nurses were already called in by the "higher authorities" to so to speak celebrate the whole week of torment and....orderliness. hihi...

mabait talaga si Lord kasi through this, our resume will be sweet smelling even more now that our hospital is internationally accredited. nakanerks! yun nga lang may 3 years spot checking ang mga surveyors to reassure that every policy is still taking place the way it should be. medyo nakakataranta ulit yun but, ok lang. we're all happy because the week has finally slipped through our fingers so easily yet excruciatingly...and all's been well and good by the Lord's greatness.

yay! 14th month pay na itooooooooo!!!!! haha!!!!! thank You Lord!!!!! *sana totoo talaga din tong incentive na 'to!*

excitement...

2006-11-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

wala lang people...

excited na ako para sa sunday service mamaya...di pa ako makatulog kasi kakakain ko pa lang ng dinner. excited na rin ako para sa fellowship ng committed youth members mamayang 7pm din! woohoo!

yikes, got to go...magpprepare pa pala ako para sa songs for our fellowship. gotta have quality time with the Lord now! byeeeeee!!!

hit it!

2006-10-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

the therapist is now online...

my wednesday off is about to take place in a few minutes. i'm always looking forward everytime i get a rest day so i can divert my thoughts and physical activities into something directly related with church matters. i bless the Lord for rekindling the fire in my heart after attending the Zion Ministries Seminar with this year's theme, "Hitting The Mark". it is motivating for me to attend these kind of conventions because aside from hearing the message and receive encouragement alone, i also seek the Lord for what He would personally tell me with regards to the path that He desires me to take from that point. and indeed, He would never withhold anything from His children what they're they're desiring to receive if it's approved in the plans of the Lord for our lives. my prayers were answered. hallelujah!

every filipino therapist's dream (and i think in most allied medical professionals, in that case) is to establish work and be stable abroad. let's face the reality: life isn't getting any easier. economic growth of every blue or white-collared worker isn't satisfying enough to fulfill the practical necessities of juan dela cruz. and as we can see, many filipinos are now taking advantage of what they have - whether ability-wise or profession-wise, in order to fly to wherever their own interpretation of greener pasture is. on the contrary, there would still be some (hindi na most kasi umalis na ang marami) professional "martyr" who would be saying, "mahal ko pa rin ang Pilipinas." surprising as it seems, but it's interesting to know why these people would say such thing.

and i happen to be one of them. plastic, that's what most filipinos would be thinking. but as hard as an asphalt my conviction is, i am staying. during the seminar, it's been said that God has designed the Philippines to be a place to send "arrows" to many nations. God immediately spoke to my heart that i could be one of the many people He will be sending into a foreign land. if ever the Lord would place me somewhere, my goal will be something that is related with the mission of our church and not just to earn dollars alone. i know there's something more in my life that is worth living than this earthly dream. i pray that i may hit the upward call of the Lord for my life. i want to be part of the fulfillment of His Great Commission. i gladly choose to invest in eternity.

but then it will still boil down with my present race. for now, i must do what the Lord wills me to do and bring glory to His majestic Name wherever i go. i must continue to learn to be faithful with the little responsibilities God has tasked me with. God has increased the fire within once again and i really felt the realization that consecration is sinking deep in my being, that it really is happening and i'm blessed for this undeserving opportunity. only by His mercy and grace.

my heart's desire is to see the young people rising up like a mighty army, ready to fight for the battle and raise up the banner of the Lord Most High. sa ngayon, yan ang burden ko for every filipino youth - that they could withstand the storms that come in their way, for they are protected and determined to abide in God's Word, having their foundation of faith as firm as a solid rock that cannot be shaken nor moved.

i don't want to leave this place if i know the Lord isn't yet finished in equipping me to reach the highest calling for His glory.

"...but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven."

Philippians 3:12-14

mabuhay!

2006-10-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

reflection time! jan jan janaaaaannnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

after a month and a half, here i am again. rambling thoughts starting to crash and hastily been wanting to get out of my floating brain (siyempre kasi may fluid sa loob..hehe!).

marami bang nangyari sa akin mula nung huli kong blog? nothing's up naman masyado. ay teka, meron pala kahit konti. regular employee na ako sa work ko. praise God! im now stable with my job and i believe it's one of the training grounds that the Lord has placed me into so i can be molded and become fruitful by His grace. im glad mas makakatulong na ako sa mga needs sa bahay namin.

sa ministry naman, kahit na kasing siksik ng longganisang lucban ang aking sked sa work, nabibigyan pa ako ng pagkakataon na makapag-turo sa young people. it's one of my spiritual wellsprings (the other one is simply worshipping the Lord through music), whenever i do that, at the end of the day i really feel fulfilled. sabi nga sa church namin, whenever you see an opportunity to teach the Word of the Lord, grab it! make every opportunity count. since i wanted to know the Lord more, this is one the many amazing ways to be surprised as He reveals on you the interpretation of each Scripture that you study and meditate.

you know guys, gumuguhit sa aking lalamunan ang katotohanan na masarap talaga na simulan ang araw by reading the Word, praying and worshipping. bakit gumuguhit kamo? kasi a couple of nights ago dad made this recently-revised daily sked sa bahay at may mga curfew-curfew pa sa tv and computer use, o di ba? sabihin niyo nang strict (kasi totoo naman at wala na kasing ibang paraan para lagyan ng tuldok ang pagiging pasaway sa oras..haha), pero it's quite effective. yun nga lang, sana hindi kami maging ningas kugon. kasi after doing everything i need to fix myself before going to work, there's still an ample time to devote it with the Lord naman. naputol nga lang ngayong day off ko, tulog kasi ako til 9am. hehe...

God has given peace in my heart not to be bothered too much about some matters that is not worth attending to (for the meantime, that is). so im gonna put that case to rest until it's awakened by the Lord. focus muna!!!

na-realize ko lang, i haven't talked about the nature of my profession yet...i mean, how i go around in my workplace...making it interesting as you read it. na-trip ko lang isipin. pagiging therapist kasi ang connotation eh ganito, "ay iha, therapist ka pala? paki-hilot naman itong likod ko sumasakit na kasi eh..." - YAH SURE! 5 taon [make it 6 ;p ] po ang ginugol ng CAP education plan (buti na lang nakaabot bago ung disaster), ng aking utak na piniga ng libro at iba pang ka-toxican ng college life, and most especially....bulsa, emosyon, suporta ng aking pamilya. natuwa naman ako kasi kahit na di ko na-fulfill ang pagiging duktor eh masaya ako dahil nagttrabaho ako sa hospital and i get to call our clients as patients. it's close to what i've dreamed of. sige...abangan natin yung ganung blog ko...purely about my work. sana lang di kayo ma-bore ;)

o sige na, the longer this entry gets, the more bored and uninterested you'll become.

Let's never fail showing the Lord how great He has been in our lives. God bless!!!

bente-tres

2006-08-28T00:58:00.000+08:00

before the clock ticked at 12midnight yesterday, things kept rushing through my head with how am i gonna handle the expected life of a 23-year-old single lady. oh man, i remember how i used to anticipate and get jittery as my birthday gets closer. pero ngayon, kinakabahan ako. and i hate that feeling. it's like i need to stretch a bit the year just for me (and i have no idea how it will happen coz it's weird..) and let the others go through with the same, routinary 12 months of every year. eeew, weird ko na talaga.

i had a great celebration of my 23rd birthday. started it right by serving the Lord in the music team during our worship service. the message delivered by our pastor was very timely coz im in dire need of refreshing from the Lord everyday to move on, continue,and soar high like eagles...never give up INspite of the difficult circumstances and stresses i get engaged in. collectively, the congregation was prayed for and hopefully from that moment on we would cling to the promise that the Lord Jesus has assured us and never worry. after that i was being prayed for by our music director; thereafter i was also "cornered" by our youth pastor and his wife - this time truly the Lord had spoken to them because the prayer 100% encouraged me and captured what i really needed to hear.

greetings in forms of shout-outs, melodies, and casual ones also added as midday approached. after the necessary matters has already been given attention, i quickly went home and started fixing myself for a wedding. hindi akin ha...wish ko lang nakasulat sa last sentence ko, "..MY wedding." ha!

ok, ok...balik na tayo...nagiging nonsense na eh... so i dressed up, put make-up on, and headed to the venue.

***********

during the wedding, i've been asked (pressured so to speak) about a topic that is unavoidable to be brought up considering the age that i have just become. all i could give them was my innocent (naks), charming (yahoo!) smile and tell them, "wala pa eh. nagppray palang." tapos hindi pa sila naniniwala. haha! i wish! take note: hindi specific po yung taong pinagdadasal ko. i don't wanna turn out frustrated just because i didn't realize the standards that God wants for me. because i focused with my wants. puro "gusto ko" at hindi "gusto ni Lord"; my friends, this should not be.

same Body of Christ.

same calling.

same vision.

i just ask the Lord to continue to guard my emotions for that person coz with the situation right now, it's not getting any clearer (or is it?). di ko alam kung ikatutuwa ko yun o ikabahala. so i desire to leave it all at the footstool of my Lord. i don't want to do something and regret it coz i didn't trust the will of God for my life.

right now kahit mahirap gawin yung parang di ka nag-iisip ng malalim tungkol dun, i just want to rest in the Lord's loving promises, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11 NLT)

i need to keep myself reminded to see the whole mural painting and not on the little white spot.

God is great. i love the Lord so much.

see you soon, lolo!

2006-08-18T17:12:00.000+08:00

no matter how hard i try to keep my tears from falling, the emotion and memories always overtake my being. i wanted to let myself out to release whatever that is welled up within everytime i see, hear or think (uhhh...why does our brain ever do that when we get depressed?!) about the devastating reality that has beset our family last wednesday. the gracious Lord Jesus has planned that it was time for my lolo to go that day.

it was already expected of him though anytime soon to be with the Lord but it was NEVER expected that i will be really mourning for him. i thought i would get this over soon; i hope it will but it's never gonna be easy. apo na ako niyan, ganito na nararamdaman ko, pano pa kaya si lola? it is very difficult to let the reality sink-in because from time to time, i would see my lola go to the dining area, then to the master's bedroom, to give herself time to mourn for her loss. everytime we go visit them before whenever we can, i would always see my lola serving lolo with much much love by sacrificing and offering the best of her capabilities. however, i was not able to see literally much of their emotions for each other because even before, they were not used to showing off what they feel for their loved ones except through actions. actions truly speak louder than words. i've seen lola giving her best efforts especially when lolo got wheelchair bound, then eventually, bedridden. ganun talaga ang love. hindi nagrereklamo. hindi nagtatanong kung bakit. hindi humihingi ng kapalit.

i will definitely miss my lolo. i can now say with full confidence these precious words - you'll know the importance of someone when he's already gone. i started to realize that though i have seen the angry side of my lolo, all that could flash back into my memory are my own happy moments and good things with him. right this very moment, i liberated myself from the loneliness that inhibits my emotions - i just let the tears fall on my cheeks. and as i bring this entry to an end...uhhh....i'm telling you guys that i still don't know when will the mood revert to my continuous state of cheerfulness. of course i know lolo's already in the good hands and presence of our Saviour Lord Jesus, but one thing that i am sure of, he will always be missed and remembered.

i love you lolo. God is the only One who knows the certainty of our lives and when He will take us and see you again. for now, i will continue to live what the Lord has planned before me and do these things with excellence so you can be proud of me as well. i miss you po and our memories together will forever be cherished. promise po we will take care of lola...KAMI PA?! we will try our best to give her love and fill that emptiness (even if nothing will ever compare with the love that she has received from you) from last wednesday til she's here with us.

we love you so much lolo!!! at least we are now at peace that you have received the precious gift of salvation from the Lord Jesus and you're with Him already. He's the Only gift that is so special that we can ever offer you.

i'll see you there in heaven when God has already allowed me to see you.

mwah! mwah! mwah!

hallelujah!

2006-08-14T00:42:00.000+08:00

Hi!

Greetings in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ!

it's so wonderful experiencing God more and more and at the same time seeing yourself expand by imparting to others especially to the young people how great the Lord is working in your life. i can never think of anything that you can trade it with. as i said in my last blog, life is good...yup...because God is amazingly good. hallelujah!

gettin' sleepy. got to go guys. have fun listenin' to my background song, it encourages us to continue living for the Lord alone. God bless!

PSALM thoughts

2006-07-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

this morning, i couldn't contain the happiness that it bursted within me and let it all out before the Throne of the Lord. no inhibitions, undignified - to the world's eyes. life is good. yeah, it's unfair but hey, truth must start sinkin' in or else you'll be caught in the middle of a drowning misery of life's circumstances. accept it but not to the point of dwelling too much in it...again, you'll be one way or another get stuck up and end up the same way.

reality bites. it surely does. it only depends if you let yourself be gnashed right through and through your muscles OR immediately snag the part that is being bitten and ask for wisdom courtesy of our Heavenly Father with what course of action will we do next.

i feel blessed being consumed by the Holy Spirit during our service. i couldn't stop speaking forth words of praise to the Lord; it widened my spiritual eyes and sharpened my spiritual ears to so many things regarding what was preached by our speaker. i want to be more intimate with God; not because i need to, but i deeply desire to have that kind of relationship with Him. i pray that as i everyday seek His face, my week will be fruitful and victorious. i always tell the young people that everyday, we should exert with best effort to make Jesus happy at the end of the day. it would be crazy enough for me to confess if doing so is a piece of cake. it hurts if we get afflicted but we needed that so we can be shiny vessels; so we can reach perfection and pleasure in the Lord's eyes. "..Be ye perfect, for i am perfect."

i continue holding on to God. there's no one i can turn to during my times of loneliness, storm, and dismay. like this afternoon, i felt that my heart is crushed; i got no one else to express this because it would seem boring and nonsense to others - so in turn i looked up to the Lord, asking Him when will He start working on that area though i know deep in my heart He already knows what's in store for me already on the coming days and years. at the back of my mind i am aware that everything is rest assured to be great...but it just slaps my face and i irritatingly hate it when i think about the possible uncertainties of some things. it makes me scared. and...depressed. for now, i don't wanna think about it. the tagboard's open for suggestions to keep myself busy. uh, but actually...my sked's all maxed out. i just realized, i am busy. it just looks impossible to be up and about the whole time. mamamatay ako nun! i have always thought the thing that our senior pastor has been telling me...time and time again. kept wondering if it's some sort of prophecy just expressed through a mere, innocent joke. my mind wrestles with the thought of whether i will have it or not.

"..there is a time for everything..." yep yep yep. there is. waiting is tormenting if i continue burning a hole on the chair to where i sit. but in fact (a hard-hitting fact that is), waiting should be perceived as a phase of preparing to be more mature and stay connected with God. passing the levels of situations that God has placed in our lives with flying colors and aiming to the next, more complex level is far more important until we reach and fulfill our fullest calling. waiting and doing nothing is stupid; however, doing something and focusing our preparation for maturity while waiting upon the Lord is 100% acceptable.

O Lord, to You alone I cry out in times of desperation

Search me, consume me in Your presence

Let my heart be not blinded by earthly desires,

But may my thoughts be surrounded by Your magnificent power -

What You can do to our lives and showing us

The radiance of Your glory.

Hallelujah. May these words be sealed in the Name of Jesus' Christ. Amen.

can't fit in the dark!

2006-07-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

i had a great difficulty coping up with my struggles, teachings and the life itself without starting the week dedicated to the Lord - going to a church every Sunday. though being a regular church attendee won't get us to heaven, and only by accepting and living our lives as Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, it is crucial having a huge dose of complete praise and worship and a nutritional Word of God through our God-appointed leaders in church. parang nakakalanta talaga.

for so many times, others with valid reasons..my family and i weren't able to attend our sunday service and it's really proven that a Christian's week won't FEEL complete without it. especially for such a time as this, i'm the midst of storms and thunders and last sunday, i felt so down, i asked my parents to give me a piece of freedom to make a guilty absence from our sunday service. sure, they're not ok with it but later on i felt that i must open it up to my parents. they understood what and how im going through coz with my situation, they have definitely encountered that struggle lots of times. the only difference them and i had is that they were able to still stand as strong as an oak and didn't even consider having a one sunday "break". now i must say that on that particular aspect, i look up to my parents for being faithful and committed to the Lord.

with the weekend ready to greet me but this time with a cheerless face, i have to admit i miss our church. mahirap mag-backslide. nakakatakot. ayokong maging tuluy-tuloy to kasi who knows when will the Lord come back? seek Him while HE MAY BE FOUND. time will come that when we think we WANT to change, it could be the moment that the Lord won't be hearing your small voice anymore...i don't wanna wait for the day when it will be all too late to lift our cries that would appear practically meaningless before His Throne.

i blotted my journal not because i had already overcome whatever i have blabbered just now or out of exasperation, but to share this with all of you guys that i am presently walking through the path of being broken, afflicted, and polished to be more like the Lord and shine His glory to the people around me.

deal or no deal?

2006-07-05T19:46:00.000+08:00

this afternoon after all the intoxicating work i had during the day, i went to HR office and signed a new contract; and this time, as a probi. as the last ink for that signature blotted the contract, i just find it amazing that God has favored my desire to continue my work at that hospital. only God knows when my purpose will end in that place...

on the exhausting side of my work, it's cool to be always up and about my in patient load. haha! funny as it may seem, i kind of liked being on that mode coz aside from the fact that the more load that we have means a lot departmental income, my existence in the department as an additional employee would be more reasonable since 3 staff OTs will never be enough if we have that kind of patient census. well, God has His own way of executing His intricate plan. what i need to do now is to trust Him all the time and just do what i have to do, whether in work, ministry or in my family.

nakakapagod promise! ang bigat ng katawan ko actually ngayon and it deserves a nice rest. what would refresh me and rejuvinate me even more is my wellspring - personal time with the Lord before i go to sleep, talk to Him and worship Him alone in my room without disturbance. from these things i gain strength and encouragement; from this i will always be reminded of the Lord's unchanging faithfulness, grace and mercy throughout all the generations.

gloomy saturday

2006-07-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

"Physical Medicine and Rehab good morning! this is dianne, how may i help you?"

hehe...hanggang kailan ko kaya ito sasabihin no? di naman sa nagsasawa ako but i was just thinking about how long will the Lord place me on my present work.

last thursday, i received a letter of authorization to have my medical check-up and drug testing because my contract's gonna be extended. i'm now on a probationary position, and God knows if He'll allow me to be a regular employee at the hospital. Glory to God and praise His Name forever and ever coz He favored my desire to stay longer at my work.

and here's the clincher: dad told me i must learn standing up on my own! waaahh! all my personal needs, dapat galing na from my own pocket (which happens to look very small and still not capable of offering a handful of financial assistance to my family). arghhh! time to go back to being makunat sa pera. yan kasi ang image ko nung high school, na kung saan fanatic ako ng mga paluwagan at kung anu-ano pang pwedeng gawin makapag-hoard lang ng money. i remember one time puro 10 peso-bill yung wallet ko, as in mula pa nung elementary ako...nung high school ko lang na-start gastusin dahil sa FOOD!

kanina nga lang sa pagpapa-medical ko sa clinic, the money that i used to pay for the lab fee came from my own savings. huhu...wawa naman ako! feeling ko tuloy border ako sa bahay namin. pero sabi nga ng dad ko, dapat ngayon pa lang masanay na ako na nagba-budget.

+++++

ok. bakit gloomy ang saturday ko? kasi ganto...

yun nga, i woke up with dysmennorhea. ansakit! tapos i gotta push myself to get up from my bed so i can submit to the clinic the yucky lab samples. happy naman ako kahit papano kasi di na ako kinakabahan pag may needle na ii-inject sakin :) yun nga lang, feeling ko maga yung cubital fossa ko kasi dun ako kinuhanan ng CBC.

pag-uwi ko pa sa bahay, ang sakit ng ulo ko. i tried sleeping on it for 30 minutes or so and i have to get up again to attend our youth gathering. yung isang side ng head ko masakit pa rin kaya i rested na lang at home. pero yun nga, nakokonsensya akong matulog lang kasi mom's doing the laundry. so my sister and i helped her finish the chore kaya medyo masakit pa rin ulo ko. madalas kasi tinatanggal ko yung eyeglasses ko, kaya nadadamay yung vision ko kaya nagli-lead sa headache. umalis pa kasi ako kanina to have a haircut (di na kasi ako mapakali sa buhok ko...ipapa-rebond ko to this month hopefully) eh nalimutan kong isuot eyeglasses ko.

+++++

pangit talaga yung maging bum lalo na't nasa bahay lang at TV lang ikaw maghapon. it gets you blue and gloomy. it stirs up my emotions and i hate that kind of feeling everytime i watch romantic movies or tv series. especially this moment, im trying to get rid of my feelings for someone who's been captivating my heart for the past 2 years. oh well...ganun talaga eh. first things first and God is and will always be on my top priority.

++++

my, my. gusto ko na mag-sunday para celebration na ulit of God's love and faithfulness!

pero siyempre...the best kasi sa monday, wala akong pasok! start na ng monday day off ko and it'll last til august. ako na rin ang bagong in-patient queen sa OT department kaya toxic moments, here i come! haha!!!

oooops. ayan na.

2006-06-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

naiisip ko tuloy parang gusto ko na magwork abroad. ayokong mag-migrate dun. pero ayoko rin namang manirahan dun ng mag-isa at di kasama family ko. siyempre i would also want their lives taste how's it like to experience a better state of living in a welcoming foreign country. kaya ko lang naman naisip to kasi mami-miss ko yung family ng youth pastor namin if ever matutuloy silang mag-migrate and plant a church on that certain country. sa case ko, pwede akong mag-work dun or sa canada where my bestfriend lives in which i can land a job as an occupational therapist. kumbaga, i can work it out. siyempre, plano ko nanaman to and i gotta start seeking God if this is what He wills in my life.

yun nga, mag-iipon lang tapos balik na dito. sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, magma-migrate lang ako dun kung: (eto choices)

1. kasama ko family ko

2. i'm married and wanna establish our new life there; or...

3. dun ang mission field ko - kahit ba na single ako eh tapos biglang dun pala ako dadalhin ni Lord, of course i have to submit to His plan because i know it would radiate His glory and i believe He will beautifully fulfill His purpose in me :)

naisip ko lang...

crushie ;)

2006-06-20T21:32:00.000+08:00

nakakapagod pero masaya...super. i really thank the Lord for being so gracious to me for the past months coz i believe He's working in my life. i've always asked for joy in doing my work and i started experiencing that for a month already. all glory belongs to Him. hmmm, one factor could be my cute patient. haha! parang high school pero ganun eh. sayang, he had aneurysm and has manifestations of a stroke patient, hemiplegic tapos has dysarthritic speech pa. aside from those physical attributes, he also has an american accent coz he left pinas when he was in 1st grade, so talagang slang na siya. hay gwapo at ang bango pa nya! hahahahaha!!! *blushes* madalas nagiging reward ko yun pag siya na yung ititreat ko pag toxic yung mga patients ko before him. yun nga lang, hanggang crush lang yun. di kasi Christian. (yuck, seryoso daw ba ako?!) atsaka gusto daw niya 2 years older sa kanya (he's 25 by the way, guys...)...and he doesn't wanna get married, probably because of his present condition (awwww...wawa!).

so there. i'm having fun at work but my contract's gonna end by july 10th. my boss didn't mention about the security of my work; dapat kasi worth-it and nagkaron ng sense yung pagdagdag ng department ng new staff. additional item kasi ako, not a replacement; kaya the higher authorities would have to scrutinize if taking a new staff in is appropriate with the needs of the department. for now, i need that job; i hafta help my family. casual pa lang kasi ako and sana ma-promote ako to probi then eventually become a regular staff therapist. my sister's needs are increasing...not to mention she's graduating this school year and we have to save for her college requirements. let God's heartbeat be mine as well...

ayan nanaman itong bible school na desire ko. paminsan-minsan talaga, naeexcite ako kung ako na yung mag-eenroll dun. talagang dapat ready na ako and equipped to fulfill the Lord's higher calling for my life. sa ngayon, nagppray ako na sana i-honor ni Lord itong desire ko - that one day, God would confirm it to my parents and then i would receive their blessing so i can have myself enrolled at bible school. our church plans to have its local extension of the abovementioned bible school in antipolo and our pastor announced that probably it will hold evening classes. super natuwa ako nun kasi at least, pwedeng di na ako kailangan tumigil mag-work para magbible school. na-excite ako sobra! sabi ng pastor din namin, those who would want to enroll at the local extension of the bible school must accomplish certain lessons that the church has implemented for each church member. di lang daw basta-basta. sana isa ako sa makapag-enroll...next year ata daw ieestablish sa church namin yun eh. im so happy! basta God is hearing all my prayers...i must never cease doing it by faith!

so far, this is what's going on with my life right now.

*haha, natatawa ako pag naaalala ko yung cute patient ko...tinatagalog namin kasi he can understand filipino naman; minsan i talk to him in english para makapag-practice na rin ako. haha! slang na slang siya like, he pronounces KAIN as keyn; then TEKA as tika. hihihi... hay grabe....tapos araw-araw pa ang treatment ko sa kanya *kilig!*

in the stillness

2006-06-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

yay, our television went down. yes, yes. the punctuation mark on the first sentence is a PERIOD. i miss surfing the channels and at the same time it's also a great opportunity that i can spend more time doing other things, let alone read the book of Acts. i love reading the life of Paul. in fact i just finished last month the book of Esther and Ruth. they definitely obeyed what was being asked of them to do; and though the end result wasn't as clear as it seems that moment, they were more than willing to follow the heart of the Lord for them...it resulted with something great and their lives just show us that obedience to God can take us to situations and higher calling. it lifts my spirit and continue this journey for the glory of the Lord. =)

my youth pastor always tells us, "ito na ang buhay na pinili natin..." boy i'm glad i chose this life! a life worth living and dying for to radiate the holiness and fullness of God.

crucified with Christ

2006-06-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

I have to be honest. Being a Christian in a secular environment most of your time could really stretch out your determination on being like Christ. I would like to say that it is a struggle, but, I'd rather imply it to a more constructive term - let's just put it as challenging. I don't want to tell it to everyone in a negative way but it's a great experience for me that every single day of being crucified with the Lord, I encounter His love (inspite of my transgressions), grace (that still I can come before Him and serve Him in the best way I can), and mercy (still I can ask for His forgiveness no matter how wrong I've been in every skewed road I mistakenly took). Truly the Lord's glory is reflected in every step we take in our lives. I praise the Lord because He has refreshed my perspective that all these are not about us; it's about God alone. Yes, He supplies our needs (which we think is that for God to serve us; uh-oh, big mistake there guys) but it solely means that we are ought to give Him praise because He is worthy for all of His magnificent works and miracles throughout the generations. Most of the time we thank God because we benefited from those things/situations and not purely because His glory must be spoken and magnified - WE TEND TO BE TOO SELFISH! He didn't create these things for us; if He did, we should be appreciating right now the farthest corners of the universe and see EVERYTHING that God has formed. But you see guys, He's the only One who can see and gain pleasure from all these wonderful creations.

Got the picture? ;)

It should always be MORE OF GOD and less of us.

Remember, we're not created to be served and just receive everything that we need. It's the other way around - we're here to serve and live for the Lord inspite of what we have, what we are or where we are right now.

For I am crucified with Christ and yet I live
My life with Christ it lives within me
His Cross will never ask for more than I can give
For it’s not my strength but His
There’s no greater sacrifice
For I am crucified with Christ
And yet I live

I love living for the Lord because I know after surpassing every trial and every teaching, a Christ-like character is instilled within me. I'd never want to trade that opportunity with some worthless, earthly-bound, not eternally-invested living/emotions/things. I wanna reach the high standard that the Lord has set for each one of us so that we can become pure, holy and acceptable before His Throne. I pray that God would give me strength to endure this race and aim the highest calling that He has for me.

+ over +

2006-06-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

maiba lang tayo ng blog entry...

nakita ko lang ang mga friendster accounts ng dalawang tao na kabilang sa "bad part" of my life. di ko na sila nakakausap ngayon. yung isa ka-friendster ko, yung isa naman...na-tripan ko lang hanapin sa friendster dahil unique ang name niya. hmmm...lately i've been fond to unique names...weird..(",)

oh well...they're both happy with the persons they're with and i feel the same way for them. sana yun na ang binigay nga ni Lord for them para di na sila ma-depress at magdrama pa.

hold on...am i really happy for them? i mean, for the satisfaction that they have right now in that certain area of their lives?

sure.

i guess there's a little prick that impinges my heart whenever i contemplate on that "little white spot" of mine. nagmamadali ba ako? hindi...oo...hindi...i really don't know... ayokong magmadali kasi hindi yun ang perfect will ni Lord. maghihintay lang naman ako eh. i can feel (sana tama itong feeling na to) that i'm not bound to blessed singleness. our youth pastor cannot even imagine me growing old without a life partner! haha! Amen to that!Ü

i'm scared of missing the opportunity of meeting the person hand-picked by the Lord just because i feel that this certain person is growing on me already. i can't see myself in the future being with someone other than him. pathetic?! by God's grace i'm able to resist the shackles of worldly wisdom about this matter or else, i'm gonna be locked with that ungodly perspective and my heart could turn away from the presence of the Lord.

right now, i just keep my circle of friendship open and not too much focused with that spot. i believe God wants me to learn some points and acquire the character that He has been teaching me for the past months in order to mature; then probably He can readily introduce me to the one that He's been planning for me to be with for the rest of my life. siyempre di naman kailangan ma-perfect ko muna lahat ng character ng Christ-likeness..probably the basics of being a noble woman of the Lord, tapos saka ire-reveal sakin ni Lord yun.

haha, sorry guys...nagmumuni-muni lang. God is currently teaching me to look at the bigger picture, not just on that little white spot.

like eagles

2006-05-28T22:32:00.000+08:00

i will soar...

i will run...

i won't grow tired...

when on His Name i call

everytime i lose almost all my energy after a whole day's work, it's really comforting to realize the promises we behold from the Lord Jesus.

"He is our strength when we are weak..."

"For the Lord is never weary...His ways are beyond my thoughts..."

"He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us..."

"He has come to bring hope to the hopeless..."

...especially that i know, i am His child; He has given me the right to become a citizen of God; to be included in His Body - the church that i belong to.

di talaga naiiwasan na mapagod sa super dami ng inaasikaso ko, i think God has brought me to a point of realization that being in a ministry could be tiresome, lalo na kung hindi ka spiritually equipped for what God can ask of you to do. kung puro ministry ka lang and you're not backing it up with your personal time and deep relationship with the Lord; you'll drown. you'll be having a hard time catching up with the work God is doing in your life or in your church.

tama yung isa kong friend sa church. mahirap din pala ang ginagawa ng mga full-time workers ng Lord. actually, lahat naman tayo full-time Christians; anywhere we can be a living testimony of what the Lord Jesus has been doing in your lives. yung gusto ko lang i-point out yung mga nagwowork mismo sa churches, yung ministry talaga ng church yung inaasikaso nila. pero un nga eh, para sa kanila kahit na nakakapagod, fulfilling din lalo na't they know they're doing this for the Lord alone.

sa case ko kasi, nakakaramdam ako ng pagod kasi physically exhausting din siya; youth ministry pa man din ang hina-handle ko...siyempre dapat full of vigor ka kasi that's what the young people are mostly described with. i have a strong passion for the young people and i want them to live their lives at an early age for the Lord...gusto ko nakikita sila na ginagamit nila yung energy nila that has an eternal purpose. sayang lang kasi yung ine-exhaust nila kung pointless rin yung ginagawa nila.

so ayun. napapagod ako; dumadating din ako sa point of weariness. ito na nga ba yung sinasabi ko eh....ganito yung nabasa ko sa Heavenly Man. he came to a point na puro ministry yung ginagawa niya kasi nakasanayan na niyang ganun ang gawin niya; though he knows it's for the Lord's Name, napapabayaan na niya yung personal time niya with the Lord. well, sa morning i do read a few scriptures to strengthen and keep my day in line with the Lord's will pero sa gabi...yari...inaantok na ako, nawawalan na ako ng time to do such things. i do read my bible, i reflect on it pero di ko na gaano nakakausap ang Lord. nakakahiya.

the Holy Spirit is speaking to me that at this early stage of my commitment to the Lord, i must make it to a point that i am balancing my life with everything that revolves around me. it's quite overwhelming especially that our youth ministry is enlarging its territory and impartation as well (glory to God).

i believe God has called me in this ministry and i will continue asking our great Lord to refresh me, anoint me, and strengthen me as i walk in His glorious path.

hallelujah! praise Him for His love and faithfulness endure forever!

how good it is...

2006-05-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

I LOVE TEACHING THE WORD OF GOD!!!

kanina after ng cell group na pina-handle sakin ng youth pastor namin, i could almost feel my voice wanting to stretch out my vocal cords and scream my heart out that it's a great feeling sharing God's Word to young people. inalis na ni Lord sa heart ko yung hiya...kahit na may sumisilip-silip na tao sa pintuan nung bahay, ayos lang sakin. God did not give us the spirit of timidity and all praises unto Him kasi God is faithful with His Words.

as in nung pauwi na ako sa jeep, gusto ko na talagang sumigaw sa tuwa and i-express kay Lord that the joy in my heart is overflowing. super! truly that what i am feeling right now can NEVER be compared pag tinext ako ng taong nag-iinspire sakin or kahit ano pang iharap sakin na karangyaan sa buhay. don't get me wrong, but, i also love my job. it's like doing the same work of the Lord but in a different marketplace. yung isa kasi, sa church mismo...sa youth; the other one sa hospital...deals with patients wherein their hopes have been deflated.

it seems that God is working on what He has spoken to me. it's a verse that really struck me and the very moment that i read it, i knew it is what God wants me to envision my life with. here it goes:

Acts 20:24

But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about God’s wonderful kindness and love.

by the time na nabasa ko for the very first time 'tong verse na 'to, i was just starting to be inclined in handling young people and deep in God's Word. it's like hearing God's voice na parang ito dapat ang maging buhay ko. kaya nga kahit na wala pa akong confirmation from other people, particularly mga pastor sa church namin and other leader, to go to a Bible school, sabi ko sa big bro ko sa church i-train niya muna ako; mentor ko siya kumbaga...ako ang kanyang padawan (Jedi term). haha.

hay. now i realized ang dami pang gustong ipagawa si Lord sa akin. saka na talaga muna yung ibang bagay-bagay jan. madali na yun, kilala na kasi ni Lord kung sino...i just need to put my trust in Him para ma-reveal Niya sa akin according to His own perfect moment. God works in mysterious ways. but for now, ito muna. i need to focus first on my personal spiritual growth and ministry kasi super nagsisimula pa lang akong mag-enjoy gawin ang work of God to manifest His glory to others.

may i find joy and regain strength each day to fulfill His purposes as i continue to press on, keep the faith, and be driven by the love of the Lord Jesus Christ.

;)

2006-05-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

hay grabe...spontaneous to promise...di muna literary-ish.

san ba ako magsisimula? ah, lam ko na...

nakakapagod pala mag-trabaho. one fear na talagang pinagpe-pray ko kay Lord is that i won't get weary and bored one day sa work ko. tipong maging routine na lang sa akin na wala nang joy. ayoko ng ganun. kasi i have a tendency to be like that. example yung mga boybands (nung high school ha..kadiri kung hanggang ngayon, ka-mown!) and chinovelas noon (meteor garden addict...as in), super andaming ininvest kong money for that...and unknowingly, i'm putting all of my efforts and some of my major savings just for that! very temporal. walang kwenta. not pleasing to the Lord. eh sabi nga sa Bible, "..whatever we do, whether we eat or drink, do it all for the glory of God." kaya nga yung iba, they do things that they think would make them fulfilled as they reach the end of their lives pero...di nila iniisip kung ano ang mangyayari talaga sa kanila with their life after death - which is the most important FACT to ponder upon. the reality. we do have a choice actually kung san tayo pupunta. if you believe in the Bible, which is God's Word, then i would love to tell you that it stated these Scriptures:

Rom 10:9-10 - 9 For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.

Rom 10:13 - For “Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Eph. 2:8-9 - 8 God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

di tayo pwedeng magmayabang or magmalaki kay Lord that we did this and that without confessing through our own mouths that we accept Him as our Personal Lord and Savior. it's not enough to believe that amazing truth. we must fully declare this and tell to God straight out that we cannot do all these things alone. we need God. we need Him to rule over our lives. to live a life that is worth pleasing to Him all the time. we may act, think, or speak things that are sometimes out of His ways but His love is so deep and unfathomable...that we can still ask for His forgiveness and yet we can be cleansed with all of our unrighteousness - though we seem undeserving to receive that.

1 John 1:9 - But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.

isn't He great?

...so i encourage you guys to please...please think about this certain choice. life is short...and death is certain. i'm not scaring you. but what we must think of is our final destination..where we will be spending eternity. lahat naman kasi dito sa earth will fade eh. kaya we should be investing, focusing on doing things na may eternal value. and we must start by confessing with our mouths that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and that we sincerely ask for His forgiveness.

God said in Rev 3:20 - “Look! Here I stand at the door and knock. If you hear me calling and open the door, I will come in.."

God's death on the cross doesn't end there. salvation to everyone who is willing to receive it is what the Lord would want us to see through that Cross. His love is wonderful. unconditional. He continues to knock on the doors of our hearts, waiting to be entertained and finally have a personal relationship with us. That's what God longs for each of us - to re-establish His connection with us since we were born sinners in this world.

our religion, philosophy, or good works alone wouldn't bring us to heaven. only the Lord Jesus Christ. John 14:6 - Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."

kaya hindi totoo na walang nakasisiguro kung saan tayo pupunta after we die. it's all in His Word...maybe we have our own reasons kung bakit di natin alam ang mga bagay na'to but, here it is...we have now read this, and we now have a choice.

John 1:12 - "But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God"

automatically we get to become His very own child once we decided to receive the gift of salvation that our Lord has been offering to us ever since He gave His life for us at the Calvary. and with that, i would like to encourage you to follow this very simple prayer and sincerely say this to the Lord.

"Lord, thank You for dying on the Cross for me. Thank You for Your unfathomable love that we can receive eternal life with You in heaven. I ask for Your forgiveness for every sin that I have done and I receive the free gift of salvation from You. Lord, I open this door of my heart and I ask You, God, to let You in and be my personal Lord and Savior. Please rule over my life and I completely declare my full dependence on You. Thank You, Father God for everything. This, I pray, in Jesus' precious Name, Amen."

actually what's great about it is that, hindi scripted and prayer na ito. you can even get the gist of this prayer and gawa kayo ng sarili niyo. please take in mind that God is more delighted when we utter prayers unto Him that really come from our heart. mas ok yun di ba?

thank you for taking time in reading this blog. i know it is not an accident when you read this..or even scan through this entry. lahat may reasons...right now we may feel lost, troubled, worried about anything...to put all those matters in order, we need God. He's the only God that can decide and know things that are best for us - far better than we can imagine.

God bless!

jan jan jan jan!!!

2006-04-12T18:25:00.000+08:00

once again, i've made this blog a stinkin', rotten web journal. haven't posted any entry for the past month. ok, ok...here are some of my explanations. but...i must warn you. it could get really plain, simple and --- sabog. for the past week, i cannot manage to compose even a simple update. eh sabagay, konti lang naman nagbabasa nito. i can even count them with my 6 este...5 fingers on my right hand. nyehehe!

my last blog left my thoughts with loads of questions and seeking on God's clear direction. now, i am so blessed to have comprehended and vividly focus on what God truly wants me to fulfill. it definitely is the year of His favor and all the glory and honor belongs to Him.

i went to singapore for a church convention (with libot galore) a couple of days after that blog. feeling poignant as i left this country without my dearly loved ones. hoped that they were with me while i was exhilarated by The Luge, stunned at the majestic aura of Aslan's family at Night Safari, exploring the place around via public transpo, etc, etc, etc... the ecastatic feeling i had during our arrival at singapore is the exact same feeling i had as well while our plane was landing at the philippine territory. i terribly missed my family. i learned to exhaust money from my own pocket and control myself to buy unnecessary stuffs.

the day of my departure for manila, i received a text message from one of the staff OT at the hospital that i've been praying for. he asked how was my trip. i had a different inkling about the text and it made me press a few characters on my keypad but then, i thought the remaining balance would be just enough to text my family as i arrive in manila. lam niyo na, tipid mode kasi naka-roaming. mahal masyado. so, i decided to just reply to his message when i get back home later in the afternoon. piso pa at least.

the Lord is great, i got the job at that hospital. hallelujah! gulat talaga ako. i was screaming with my 2 church friends in the van as we left the macapagal airport and kept on fidgeting on my seat. words of gratitude and praise to Jesus Christ are endless. forever He is faithful. a trusting, dependent and submitting heart is all that we need to lay upon the Lord's feet so His desires can become ours as well. we just need to put and seek Him first - hindi lang yung literal na early in the morning but asking Him to take over our lives and wait upon Him by praying and reading God's Word so we can determine how He wants our lives to be like. i reported at work the week after my trip.

i thought it was going to be easy. it's not. especially that i don't need to pour out my time in studying or doing schoolwork at night, i can now devote my time in serving the Lord through my ministry. physically difficult, but by God's grace and the strength that He renews in me everyday, i won't wear out. with my own strength, probably my body would've collapsed somewhere along Shaw or Ortigas.

i would also like to take this opportunity in thanking arra. as i contemplated on her latest entry, i realized i should be more thankful to the Lord because He didn't let me experience what she's been through in hunting for jobs. with her knack in writing, she was able to deliver her story in different flavors - may madrama, nakakatawa, at nakaka-inspire. di ko na kinailangan maghanap sa ganung paraan wherein i would have to endure the scorching heat (my worst enemy) plus a smart casual outfit that as you enter each company building, you need to freshen up and present yourself as you pass your resume without any trace of weariness or as much as possible "amoy EDSA". =) i know arra will be able to land a job anytime soon. thank You God for giving me a different outlook on different things in life that is solely directed in Your glory.

one last pasasalamat. i lift up God's Name because i'm gonna be able to join the family camp. supposedly hindi. pero God helped me to gather courage and ask my boss if i could change my off to saturday instead of wednesday. para dire-diretcho na from thursday night til sunday. i still have work on thursday kaya after work pa ako masusundo ni dad. mauuna na ang lahat sa morning. ok lang. di pa kasi ako allowed mag-leave and isa pa, double pay din yun! haha! another favor from the Lord, i tell you.

enjoy the holiday everyone!

gulong ng palad

2006-03-11T00:37:00.000+08:00

departing manila this coming monday will allow me to leave everything that...well, worries me. i know i musn't worry but i cannot help recently but load my thoughts with bunch of matters to be pondered upon. the problem is, i'm not sure though if i should be pondering on such things.

wait, you might suppose that i'm not making any sense here. let me get it straight.

though it is quite impossible for me to leave my concerns behind as i fly to singapore, especially when i'm on the plane or during my quiet time, i am definite that this trip will not only strengthen and feed my spiritual life to continue to grow into maturity; it would as well offer me the opportunity for myself to reflect on what REALLY lies ahead of me now that i am a full-fledged occupational therapist.

God has made me realize that Bible school can wait, and that immediate, essential needs must be prioritized for the moment. refreshing my skills as an OT for 2 weeks gave me a little contemplation that this is what the Lord has purposed me to accomplish and to become. at first, i wasn't expecting it that i would love this profession again because then i was sooo decided to enroll at a bible school. but God made sure His point is being crystal clear right in front of me; it's true that if we wholeheartedly entrust unto God our dreams and plans, He would never hesitate to put in our hearts His very own desire and work out what He really want our lives to become as His children. sometimes it would even surprise us because we didn't intend those things to transpire; but uh-oh...it did...and we're loving it, aren't we? not because it's some sort of a force of nature, but it IS God's heartbeat - inexplicably manifesting in our lives.

up to now i'm a bit bothered why my expectation about a certain thing turn out the way i wanted it to be. pretty weird huh? really...of course part of me wants to make that happen, so i won't get all tired up explaining to the higher authorities why i need to leave for singapore etcetera etcetera...and that they would not see me as an inefficient staff after showing them my best foot forward as a therapist. i dunno. but there's something inside of me trying to get out of my system, tyring to make its voice heard...why i was not primarily preferred by the department. i'm really, really, squeezing my brains out for reasons but i can't seem to pluck the reason out from my skills, competence nor reliability as a possible staff...because i know i did perform well (i think..hehe). what only runs on my mind now is this singapore trip. i did mention this to my 2 immediate superiors and perhaps they considered it; i can't blame them because they are in need of personnel. the patient load is very intoxicating, i tell you. they are in need of 2 OTs, hope i'm the next in line to be taken into consideration.

one of the staff informed me that i still am a pending OT staff. told me that everything is being deliberated upon by the HR department which is excruciatingly difficult because i need to help out my family as well; i need to know where i stand on their department. high hopes are being shown so far by the staff and i do put my hope on the same level as theirs. by God's grace, all of this will turn out fine; just like what He did with my other life sectors.

9 days being away from my family and work will definitely give me an ample time to think things through. i know my dedication for the ministry has diminished due to my sked during my 2-week volunteering at the hospital and felt that my energy level simmered down, making myself recognize that i wasn't the same as before. now i realized that i don't want my work to hinder me from doing what really is inside my heart; based on my early experience in work, i can say that too much focus in this aspect will lead our spiritual lives to stagnation.

responsibilities not only in my family but in my ministry are starting to become more complex and honestly, i'm getting excited about it. i just pray that i will not grow weary and tired of balancing the natural and the spiritual, but instead, i would blossom with a steady and strong root in the eyes and path of our Lord Jesus Christ.

----

2006-02-27T19:24:00.000+08:00

...confused...

in certain aspects, i really am.

*sigh* Guide my path and guard my heart please, O Lord

breathe on me, breath of God

2006-02-14T14:42:00.000+08:00

i'm back in the game man! yeah!!! i started serving God in the church last saturday after 3 long arduous months of review for the boards. our church hosted a seminar entitled, "foundations of a true ministry." it was an uplifting beginning as i pursue what the Lord has called me to accomplish. i'm still praying eagerly for God to reveal unto me further of His plans for my life because i know...i just know that He is going to enlarge my vessel in His own proper time. what's more surprising was that my current life verse, Acts 20:24, has been strongly mentioned. i think the Lord is reminding me once again about the Word that He spoke to me several nights ago; perhaps restore the ultimate purpose of my existence on this earth.

my desire for the gift of discernment has continued to sprout within me as i attend our every monday youth leaders' fellowship. honestly, i have no single idea on how to be led by the holy spirit, or let alone be aware that what's on my mind is from the holy spirit. i thank the Lord for that desire because it has encouraged me to take steps further in order to acquire that gift. there's nothing that God withholds from us; and i know in His own time, He'll be able to fully develop that within me. last night was such a wonderful experience for me because somehow, i was able to face my challenge of boldly speaking my burden through prayer. i guess it needs more practice and continuous intercession/prayer so i could become more confident upon the leading of the holy spirit.

reading the Word of God and meditating on it are the things that i must be constantly doing so that there is something the Lord can remind me about to confirm what others have been fervently praying or that i would gain a concrete impression coming from Him.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

it's heart's day people... la lang, i rather not share this stuff right now. haha! drama-mode ako ngayon. =)

this is for You my Lord!

2006-02-09T01:28:00.000+08:00

Your faithful love has always been there for me

The greatest love that I've ever known

What can I give to You

For all You've given to me

You gave it all and You were all I need

You are my King

You are my God

The praises I bring

They come from my heart

This is for You

For all You've done for me

And I wanted to show You

How much You mean

My God

words can never express how i'm feeling right now. taking the board exam is such a crazy and awesome experience. this sense of achievement rushing inside me & having my family proud of me is irreplaceable.

for the past years, what God has been doing is the ONLY constant thing happening in my life; and for that, i bow and humble myself before Him since He remains to be soooo, sooo faithful INspite of my shortcomings. His mercy and grace are always there so i can still come before Him and make all my supplication known to Him. kung tutuusin, mas marami pa nga akong request kesa sa pagpapasalamat. but recently, actually after my failure in the oral revalida, i've learned to be more grateful for the so many things that He has done. i realized that failing the orals wasn't the end of it, God helped me to rise up once again and face the challenges before me as He continues to provide for my strength and encouragement. His loving hand gently lifted my spirit (and my face so to speak because of embarrassment) and i let God refine and sharpen myself to become more whole and mature in His eyes. a lot of pain has to be taken in, i tell you, but it's only by His grace that i was able to pursue what He has planned for me.

i feel elated right now. and before i lay myself to slumber, i'm gonna have a nice and serious talk with my Savior. He really is an awesome God.

after shock

2006-02-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

tick-tock...tick-tock...tick-tock...

it's definitely ticking...ssshhhhh.....i can hear it......loudly.....

my heartbeat's not on its normal rate...is something wrong?

oh wait...the results ain't out yet. must hold on to God and kneel before Him to ask for His grace and favor. my confidence that i possess now is the one that cannot be sought in men - everything will turn out great in His hands and i trust fully unto my Lord.

whatever that beholds of me after wednesday night is what the good Lord has purposed in my life, and i can rest on that magnificent fact.

welcome to my world, boards syndrome!

2006-01-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

it finally sunk-in. the moment the applicant stub and all the paraphernalia for the coming board exam stimulated the cutaneous sensation of my palm. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

diz iz it!

it was really tiring, aside from the fact that i am beginning to be pressured with all the stuffs i must study and review, i also learned to become more self-reliant; and i can atest to that when i arranged my application at the PRC. konting praktis pa. haha.

so this is what it feels like to be a grown-up. complicated.

forgive me if only at this age have i encountered such stuffs. you see, i was kinda dependent on my parents and most of the far-fetched matters (coz im always caught in the middle of a hectic schedule), they were the ones arranging it. now as i embrace tightly the convolution of early adulthood, i must still be able to carry it out cool and simple by the grace of Lord Jesus. i ain't getting younger and i need to start searching out ways in order to survive in this rough-edged planet.

hopefully by the time of the exam, God will rest in my heart the assurance and confidence that things are gonna be alright. *sigh*

that little white spot

2005-12-26T18:26:00.000+08:00

this christmas, i never felt deserted nor too squeezed in a relationship to point of no escape and eternal misery. im happy.

just happy.

i guess i've been staring too much on the little, white spot in this very huge yet exquisite obra maestra-in-the-progress. i'm certain that God is currently working on it and for sure He wants to pat my shoulder and assure me, "everything's gonna be fine, my child. don't put too much pressure on yourself. i'm in control, remember?" i know He really is. i hate myself whenever i daydream about this particular stuff...makes me frustrated and leaves me on questioning things. but then, i want that moment to be intricately and perfectly designed, without blemish...a made-in-heaven plot, and the ONE's been exclusively hand-picked by my Lord.

rest assured it's going to happen. i'm gonna meet him (or have i? yihee!!!), but not yet soon; i'm sure it'll be wonderful and it would just make me stand in awe of God's mysterious ways in executing His best-laid plans for me. all i need to do now is to relax and according to Song of Songs (and it has been repeatedly reminding us all throughout the entire book) "...not to awaken love until the time is right..." agree? i don't need to bend the standards that God has set for me just to "check" if he's the right one for me.

yes, i'm happy. enjoying this feeling that i have right now but i have to clarify that i'm also not in an intimate relationship nor understanding with a particular person. i'm single. looking? nah...Someone's already doing that for me. actually He already knows who he is. i just have to pray without ceasing and trust my Lord...don't need to put it in my own hands.

i must remember, it's an obra maestra. surely God doesn't want to finish this beautiful work of art so quickly to satisfy my fleeting, empty desire for that little, white spot.

Paskuhan '05

2005-12-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

Paskuhan 2005

Pontifica et Regalis Sancti Thomae Aquinatis Universitas Manilana

ok! enough of happy-go-lucky days!

get soaked in the books effective immediately!

ha!

2005-12-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

i felt a compulsion to update my blog, so that's what i'm doing right now. well, nothing much to gab about, except that my stress or should i put it in a more constructive term, "energy level" is almost at its peak. i'm appreciating this as a matter of fact and i hope this won't run out til the day of the board examination.

nope, i'm not yet confident or even tell a single entity that what i possess now is enough for me to pass the exam. no no mister! it's very scary and most of the time i could not help but reactivate once in a while the worrying factor everytime i get a mistake while answering my reviewers or everytime i forget the answers to our lecturer's recall questions. i still have loads of books of study and as for the OT part, i haven't started reading one book..but tomorrow i'm contemplating about doing so to start the engine and keep it going smoothly while i still have time, and not the other way around which is my ultimate favorite, CRAMMING. most of the people in our class are crammers, but this one must become an exception, or a fresh beginning to live a more organized life. after all, i really felt a change within my system eversince i started little by little structuring my plans.

i guess last night was one of the happenings that we kind of loosen up (and i mean without books or anything related with our lectures) before our huge "gig" on feb - we had a christmas party at our review center and right after we went to UST to check out this year's Paskuhan. too bad we weren't able to capture the awesome fireworks display because of the former activity that we were engaged in. it was so nostalgic and a nice feeling seeing familiar people during my college years. it brought back a lot of memories and i pondered on how easy and laid-back our life was compared to now.

yeah, we didn't see the highlight of the event at my alma mater, but the catching ups and long talks (with a dash of career-oriented topics) totally made up for what was supposed to be our goal of going there.

gotta rest. tomorrow we'll have a 6-hour lecture. need to study in the morning before going to review class!!! aaahhhh!!!! pls add me in your prayers people!!!!

issue 101

2005-12-08T20:56:00.000+08:00

i'm not affected with what's going on in our review class right now. really. i don't wanna get emotionally involved like our other classmates coz it's not a big fuss and it's not like my whole life's going to get dragged with it. you may say that i am doing so right now coz im spending my time blogging that pitiful issue. to save your time from thinking that way, di ko issummarize or ikkwento yung nangyari. just like what i said earlier, it's too trivial to even take a glimpse AGAIN of every word we absorbed from a horrific character.

but the thing is, perhaps most of us already got sick of becoming shock absorbers. feeling ko lang.

it seems like every class that i belong to was categorized as "pasaway." but this time, hindi kami yung naging pasaway. we're about to take the board exam in a couple of months (yikes!!!) and i don't think we would be needing to include in our consideration this kind of issue as we focus on our review. ka-mawn!!! we enrolled for review class to learn important stuffs and make sure that we appreciate our lecturers' effort in the best way we can. once and for all i want to let this out. our batch for a fact did not intend to cause moral damage; i am certain also that it's not our thing. board exams na 'tong pinag-uusapan natin, so it means next level na rin to morally and emotionally. well, i don't know each of my classmates personally; since we all came from different schools so more or less i speak perhaps for those whose principle is the same as mine. labo ko ba?

i just pray that everything will turn out smooth as we finish the season of our review.

yeba!!

2005-12-01T14:58:00.000+08:00

shocks. i pray my sister would get in with the reservation of tickets for the Singapore trip. i'm currently working on it and it's a huge deal of effort coz i really want her to come with me; especially that it is gonna be our first trip abroad and without the company of our parents. o di ba? tinotopak kasi yung system ng airway, ayaw pumasok nung credit card. when i tried encoding mine, pumasok bigla...pero after several trials din. tiyempuhan. hayyyy...i just hope makasama siya. it would be really fun and very memorable for the both of us.

early this afternoon, my big bro already informed me about the itinerary for our March escapade. kasi it's mainly a church affair, a convention which takes place yearly. the church at singapore is affiliated to our church here in the philippines, so "close" yung mga pastors namin. haha!

anyhoo, this is gonna be my motivation for me to pass the boards. at dapat (sana) with flying colors, para mas feel ko yung trip at enjoy. kailangan kong pumasa!!! otherwise, pupunta pa rin ako...haha! all's been reserved and paid for. no choice. haha. nah, but seriously, i had to nail the boards with God's grace.

oopps, gotta go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

latest news: my sister doesn't want to come with me pala next march, she prefers to take the exam upon its regular sked. sayang. oh well...ok lang.

eh kamusta naman?!

2005-11-25T20:48:00.002+08:00

it's been 2 weeks since we had our interesting pre-mock boards at the review center. i can say that many things have changed and new priorities were set - fulfill what i really want to achieve in life following what God has purposed in me. i longed for this kind of stress, a healthy one, and i indeed got what i asked for...ayan tuloy. pero ayos lang. it was very tiring though most of the time i wake up late coz our class are usually scheduled in the afternoon...mentally tiring as a matter of fact. my communication and involvement with church activities have lessened; i miss them already. i miss hanging out without nothing much to think about. so far, yun pa lang yung mga bagay na napansin kong malaki ang impact sa akin.

once in a while, i needed to be refocused so as to get serious again with my current goal - and that is to finish the board exam with flying colors. hmmm, i don't know with you people, but, i guess i'm still in the adjustment phase wherein i had to manage my time well in terms of......aha! like this one, blogging, surfing, watching tv. actually, my tv viewing has reduced a bit, di ko na napapanood yung mga shows that i religiously used to watch (whatever happened to clark in smallville?!!).

one thing that must always be plugged in my memory is the other word for DISCIPLINE. according to one of our lecturers, it is synonymous with CONSISTENCY. give it a thought guys. what d'ya think, isn't it true? you can resist yourself from watching tv or surfing the net but c'mon, it takes a huge dose of consistency so it won't defeat the definition of discipline. i do need a gigantic amount of discipline!!! that's something i lack during my school days...and now i'm on my final phase of this "pagsusunog ng kilay" roller coaster ride, i think kailangan ko na 'tong panindigan. pramis.

man, i get tired easily! naninibago lang siguro katawan ko. my dad's been telling me not to attend muna other activities that are church-related. di ko kayang i-let go. number 1, most sundays i'm not that available to attend our service and so i tend to miss the opportunity to be fed of God's Word. and number 2, dun sa ibang activities na lang ako nakakabawi. say for example yung youth leaders monday night out. whenever we have praise & worship, dun lang ako bumabawi kasi nga i wasn't around during the sunday service. and lastly the music practice every saturday night. i CANNOT obliterate that in my list...nah-uh. music for the Lord is my passion, and that will be the only time where i can mingle with my friends and sing for my Father with other people who also have the burning desire to serve Him through music.

so there. grievances ba ito? hindi naman. i am enjoying my review classes BIG TIME. the lecturers make every topic to be worth listening to, and easy to be absorbed. siyempre, dapat board-sensitive ang outline. i'm having fun, but i gotta make it more interesting everytime i step my foot inside my room, flip the pages of my notebook, and train myself to answer the questionnaires from my reviewer books.

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart,

and my portion for ever."

Psalms 73:26 (KJV)

"He's Everything to Me"

2005-11-17T16:17:00.000+08:00

from the very first time that i heard this song, it surely made a spark in my heart. credits to A.K.A. taba for burning me a cd with these kind of love songs for the Lord.

it's not an accident why in my early age i got to know Christ and accepted Him as my personal Lord & Savior; that i grew up and always seeing my parents and other people in the church making God as the center of their lives; that at an innocent phase of my life i came to understand that Jesus is the reason why i am here on earth...

...that living to know Christ more and more is the best part of my life every single day.

Everything To Me

Avalon

I grew up in sunday school

I memorized the Golden rule

And how Jesus came to set the sinner free

I know the story inside out

I can tell you all about

The path that led Him up to Calvary

But ask me why He loves me

And I don't know what to say

But i'll never be the same

Because he changed my life when He became...

Everything to me

He's more than a story

More than words on a page of history

He's the air that I breathe

The water I thirst for

And the ground beneath my feet

He's everything, everything to me

We're living in uncertain times

And more and more I find that i'm aware

Of just how fragile life can be

I want to tell the world I found

A love that turned my life around

They need to know that they can taste and see
Now everyday I'm praying

Just to give my heart away

I want live for Jesus

So that someone else might see that he is...

Everything to me

He's more than a story

More than words on a page of history

He's the air that I breathe

The water I thirst for

And the ground beneath my feet

He's everything

And looking back over my life at the end

I'll go to meet you saying you've been...

Lord, you're everything to me

...and He really is (",)

buena mano

2005-11-11T13:20:00.000+08:00

first day na first day pa lang ng official review class namin eh cancelled kaagad! tsk tsk...

yesterday was our orientation and PRE-MOCK BOARDS EXAM. it was cool to see friends from different schools you've met during your internship, the genuine smiles and warm greetings came across our faces. we're about 50 reviewees in our batch, including few PT grads. the ambience is similar to the one in classroom, but with a whole new different perspective and set of classmates. it's kinda crowded so tomorrow we gotta be early and make sure take the target chair to absorb well the lectures.

the first exam (as if!) we took was a big joke. really a big one, with a touch of memory from 5th year when we were taking our grand written revalida exam. 100 items on anatomy, physiology & kinesiology; 100 items on med/surg conditions; and 88 items (may butal pa) for OT applications. they should've distributed first the OT apps exam because it has situational questions that made my mind really work. the former 2 exams given out were purely trivial to the point of me having no recollection of those topics. those were 3rd year topics, for millipede's sake!!! i thought we're going to return the questionnaires and so i pushed myself to take a look at all questions, hoping to recall them once i get home and scan it in my books; only to realize at the quarter to the end of exam that we're about to bring them home actually!

ugh, i feel awful. worn out kaagad ang beauty ko. natoxic ng basta-basta pero wala namang naisagot na matino. ayoko ng ganung feeling. parang walang binatbat mga shineyd ko. kaya naririnig ko mga batchmates ko (from UST) na nagtatawanan na lang at nag-e-MP3 sa likod ko. sayang yung mga oras na inilaan ko, sa totoo lang. ang detailed kasi masyado nung questions, kamusta naman yun? chine-check lang naman kung may natitira lang somewhere sa functioning brain namin ang mga bagay na yun. kaya nga pre-mock eh. di ko pa naman sinusuyod yung mga ka-batch ko sa review, but, wala akong nakitang consolation na gwapo man lang! haha... sorry, wala muna sa mga interes ko ang mga bagay na yan. mga cute boys, tsupi! hihihi...

now that i have in my possession the questionnaires, at least i can rest on the fact that i have the luxury to research on the answers, following the exact phrasing of the questions. yipee! yuck, ang babaw!

so ayun, supposedly may class kami this 1pm, kinansel ng kung sinuman dun sa review center, baka yung lecturer, tinamad sa frustration sa pre-mock. haha! whether the answer sheets had shades or none, we still passed it. after all, wala namang grades kaming inaantabay. siyempre it doesn't mean di na namin kakaririn ang review. DI NOH! my dad told me that i should always say this to myself with a no-retreat conviction, "TODO NA 'TO!!!" haha! Feb 7 & 8 are the very important dates to remember in a current OT/PT reviewee...and always put in mind that time flies so fast, so make every hour meaningful and loaded... :)

"He prayed, 'O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven and earth. You keep your promises and show unfailing love to all who obey you and are eager to do your will..."
2 Chronicles 6:14

couch potato days are ovah

2005-11-09T15:41:00.001+08:00

goodbye laid-back moments.
goodbye happy-go-lucky gimiks with college friends.
goodbye hours of daydreaming and think about nothing.
goodbye midnight net surfing.
goodbye hour-long conversations on the phone (unless necessary)
goodbye spontaneous plans.
goodbye hours of tv viewing.

goodbye...

for now.

the clock is ticking. it's like i'm gonna be receiving instructions from my bed not to lie on it for more than 7 hours. my study table is calling me home. ohhh, i feel relieved because i'm going to be back at my true self - the one that i have envisioned myself for several months now. recently, i'v turned on my laid-back nature and i'm pretty sure it worsened, too bad. 95% of the time i've been waking up past 10am; and 50% of the time waking up before 2pm. i also experienced having my sleeping cycle altered - catching 40 winks around 6am and disengaging from slumber by 2pm. with that notion, i still get 8 hours of sleep; but c'mon, it's not worth recommending for. it's like i was on the verge of system breakdown. i did not cope well with that proposed habit and so i went back to my old and more normal pattern of living. i cannot imagine myself i've thought about those weird stuffs. and though i was still able to do my house chores, i felt that i could've done much better things - that bites my conscience a bit.

a week before the review, my parents are starting to condition my lifestyle into a more purposeful and sensible one. they began instructing me (and hey, there's wisdom on it!) that i should be reassessing my priorities and responsibilities. it's gonna be difficult though, coz i probably won't be that too visible unlike the past months in our church activities. my commitment will always be the same to my ministry but i've already talked to my leaders and they told me that God knows my heart...He knows i must concentrate with my boards. one thing that must remain is my intimacy with the Lord. my class is only 1-5pm; i got lots of time to review at home and certainly there's an enough time to spend devotion with Him. there's no excuse for me to grow deeper in the Lord even if my schedule is gonna be hugely different from my bum days.

another phase...

another challenge...

another opportunity to be faithful and mature in the eyes of Christ.

so happy

2005-11-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

blessings are starting to flow even in the midst of my thorny undertakings in life. i can never thank the Lord enough for everything that He's manifesting in me. He is making a huge impact in my life every single day and i am definitely assured that God will make my path straight, if only i will continue to be faithful in serving and being intimate with Him. He didn't say that it will be smooth though, but His promise to never forsake or even take His glimpse off of us...comforts me.

there are so many blessings to share to you guys but since some...well...are quite confidential FOR NOW, let me just mention one blessing that was showered to me by my Lord. :)

God blessed me to re-establish my relationship with a very close friend of mine, this person's like a family to me. during the absence of our blissful & hilarious companionship, the Lord has taught me several things that i know i must change so that i can move on and be mature in His likeness. it's very difficult to accept the truth because i felt that my ego is being "crushed" since i don't wanna put up the white flag anytime soon yet. no way, jose! but then, if i want to be consumed for the glory of our Lord, i must submit to the breaking...molding...consecration - to become a pure and anointed vessel that is fit for the Master's use. we're both in the same ministry and though i can already tolerate the presence of that person, i still can't find peace within because i felt that i cannot serve Christ with a half-baked heart; and the fact that i want to get this petty conflict be dismissed & forgotten once and for all.

i was being so paranoid that negative thoughts came rushing through my mind. i kept on assuming things that could worsen the situation. well thankfully, God didn't let that happen. He used my friends to help me straighten things out with this person peacefully and with all humility. now, we're trying to pick-up what we've left off and once again be comfortable with each other in terms of conversing or making fun of each other. i know in time, everything will be the same again.

all geared up!

2005-10-30T17:26:00.000+08:00

yahoo!!!

right now, i'm having some sort of two polarities of anxiety - excited about the once again get together of as many young people as we can gather & nervous because it's gonna be my 2nd time to lead a group. it's not that i don't wanna be given responsiblity but i know it's a certain deliberation that it will be a challenging role for me. *sigh* oh dear Lord, i won't be able to do this without Your wisdom and guidance.

one thing that i am positive about is that my groupmates are ain't boring. it's like they're joke machines and everytime you insert a coin in the slot, you cannot help but laugh heartily at their punchlines. hmmm, but with that in mind, i must be able to set a smooth boundary between the tolerable jokes and discussions & improper ones. sometimes i tend to forget the role that i must display and characters needed in order for me to become an effective youth leader because i act childishly and speak as if i'm not a 22 year old lady (uyyy, lady na! di halata). that i must stick into my awareness ALWAYS.

i pray that the songs i will be using to lead the young people to worship & be in the presence of the Lord are from the holy spirit and not by my own interest or desire.

see ya after the holiday!!! God bless y'all!

enjoying freedom while it lasts...

2005-10-26T03:11:00.000+08:00

it's a sunday afternoon, about to embark on its beautiful sunset, when i got a text from the review center. our classes won't start til nov 10!!! a tad of frustration has beset me...lasted for about 30 minutes. i've been craving for a more structured lifestyle these past months and the day that i've been waiting for to happen, has even become the most distant thing to ensue.

after reading that text message, i read the other pending texts that i got from a couple of my classmates. i can really sense the intensity of their rage and disappointment, and i cannot blame them. we all felt like we might suffer in catching up and comprehending every topic that needs to be discussed, especially that it's a 2.5 weeks delay from the original date that they have declared. some called the center and got an earful. some texted voicing out every bit of their anger towards them. in my case, i decided to text them and told them that we might have difficulty in tackling all the needed topics, since christmas vacation is gonna happen anytime soon once again. they assured me that it won't happen to us. our adviser will take of it. *sigh* they better make sure of that!

when i broke the news to my parents, they didn't react the way i depicted it on my imagination. they were calm and took it lightly. mom kept on telling me that it happened for a reason. i kept on whining kasi that super tagal ng delay....lugi kami...and all that jazz. actually, there's wisdom when my mom told me that simple statement. i believe God designed it to happen. it definitely had its reason!

this week, i'm busy with church activities (which i love doing to the nth power!):
Monday = Simchat Torah (last day of the Feast of Tabernacles in Israel); night of praise & worship
Tuesday = Practice for Youth Jam (a city-wide, inter-church event wherein we're invited to be part
of the praise and worship)
= Birthday party of our youth member, we went there after the practice. got home around
1:00am.
Wednesday = a homebody, wash clothes, TRY TO STUDY
Thursday = possible day to practice for the Youth Jam on the next day
Friday = Youth Jam @ 7pm, hopefully it'll turn out great by the grace of God.
Saturday = film showing during our youth fellowship, practice for music
Sunday = sunday service!!! do final arrangements & prepare clothes for youth retreat.

*next week*
Monday til Wednesday = Youth Retreat

o di ba?! i'm sure it'll take a lot of energy to be wielded in order to execute these itinerary precisely and with coordination.

oh wait...come to think of it, what i just laid-out is purely structural, perfectly arranged. and as you can remember, this is what i wanted! haha! parang akong ewan. stress....good stress....oh yeah! maybe before i was thinking more of a mental stress...longing for it actually; imagine, i haven't used that part of my brain wherein complicated topics are being manipulated. i realized that the present ones needed more of my physical exertion.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." --- Romans 8:28

bad things invitably happen in our lives, but it is only God who can turn all the circumstances into something great. so my hope is in the Lord always, i know that He will never fail me.

i love yah, tomorrow!

2005-10-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

i'm really looking forward to seeing my college barkada later, around 11am @ mega. that's the only place we can ever meet halfway, another brilliant option is makati but some of us would still be gathering at mega before proceeding to our actual gmik place...so weird. but i love 'em.

i'm sure this will be my final gimmick with my friends that will last for several hours til january...gotta be more serious this time with studies! i could not afford to fail board exam, and so i have to push myself to be disciplined in all aspects...and i mean ALL. whoa, does that also mean having the right amount of food intake??! waaaaahhh!!! that i ain't sure of. we'll see :)

i cannot even see myself being serious, "different" and all that jazz regarding the upcoming boards. i was actually thinking of making myself appear nerdy all throughout the review months...but nah, baka may marinig pa akong kung anu-ano pa from other people. and besides, i can't do that. hope i can still apply a little style in my clothing; i'm not used to wearing casual attire during classes.

yikes!!! it's officially friday and 3 nights to go, i'll be sooner experiencing the boards syndrome. sheesh, wonder how huge the impact would it make in my life????

i'm so sleepy; but i was only up for about 10 hours!

that's more like it!

2005-10-19T17:56:00.000+08:00

i love this new layout.. describes the real me in a certain degree. this will be more likely my template for the coming months, since i won't find time again in adjusting the codes as soon as review starts.

yesterday i shared my thoughts about scanning my reviewer book. well well well... i can only imagine! hahahaha!!!

man!!!!!!!!! (hey, i'm not asking for a man ha...you might misconstrue it. nyahaha!)

hmphhhhhhhhhhhh

2005-10-18T20:07:00.000+08:00

in less than a week, i'll be once again challenged to focus on deepening my education and all the essentials of my future profession. it's gonna be a huge adjustment (i think) since for the past 3 months my life has no structure or specific itinerary to follow. call me boring, but most of the time i am in dire need of that kind - you know, something to look forward to each day and be expectant with what's gonna happen. perhaps a little spontaniety every weekend is sure enough for me to keep going and not to be totally rotten rigid with my plans all throughout the week. kinda excited...being a certified professional isn't too far to imagine right now. yipee.

i hope the review schedule won't be too toxic like the previous OT batch. i hope sundays would be open for me to do outside boards stuff...this will be very unlikely to happen but a spark of faith still floats at the back of my head. should i attend sunday classes? hmmm, it's too soon for me to be in this dilemma. i've informed my youth pastor about this matter since our youth fellowship starts @ 3pm; and my review sked is 1-5pm. ugh, it feels awful but i know that i must set my priorities right. it's not that God isn't my priority, as long as i keep an intimate relationship with my Lord, i'm gonna be alright. as soon as i'm through with this conflict in my sked, i can attend regularly again.

haven't opened purposefully my white reviewer book yet and study it thoroughly and sincerely. ahhh!!! i need to do advance reading, c'mon! discipline must start NOW.

*reduce tv viewing
*limit surfing the net
*organize my schedule everyday
*musn't get swamped over the phone

and the list goes on...

dinner isn't done yet...hafta grab something edible to fill in my hunger pangs :)

career inclination DAW

2005-10-14T02:20:00.000+08:00

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.
You would make an excellent:
Counselor - Dental Hygienist - LibrarianNurse - Parole Officer - Personal TrainerPhysical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher
The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.

What's" Your Ideal Career?

though honestly i don't trust these kind of things...hmmm...it's a good thing i'm on the right track pala. haha!

not-so-general cleaning ;)

2005-10-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

not-so-general cleaning ;)

hopefully i will be able to allot time to read the novel that i borrowed from my churchmate coz imagine, i was busy the whole day here at home! pretty amazing as a matter of fact. woke up around 1:30pm because i already slept (and have been doing that ever since i became a bum) at 5am - watched PBB Uplate (ooops, why did i mention this??!!), spent time with God, and read the novel. that book's been keeping my eyes glued on each page that i flip and battle the sleepiness that starts to crawl up inside my biological system.

when i got to spend my time with the Lord this morning (around 3am, i think), i feel so refreshed not only because i was able to say everything i want to communicate with Him; but i also found time to just be silent and focus only to our Lord. i sang praises to Him and i love doing this. now i have realized that praying is not simply a moment of uttering what's inside our hearts, but also being quiet and just let the flow of God's presence move within where we are. i pray that i won't forget doing this wholeheartedly by the time that my life gets going again as review starts.

ok...now for the nice part of this entry...tah-dah!!!

i was able to do a room makeover!!! yipee! uh, well...sort of. didn't move a thing from my sister's shelf (we share the same room kasi) but i cleaned her study table, so ok na rin ;)

after placing my plate on the sink and burped on my lunch, i immediately worked up my courage and strength to clean my stuffs - more likely the whole room. it's been bugging me from the beginning of my internship year til this afternoon; my general cleaning was supposed to be every 6 months, but i had tons of workload in school that the burden i felt for my room only remained to be a personal liability and emotional exasperation during the whole time. it's the floor that's been continuously kept clean and not my other stuffs so imagine what my shelf, study table and top shelf look like. haha...better not think about it na lang. i just wish Oprah or the more realistic one, At Home Ako Dito would take charge of my room and give it a slick makeover...but man...i better move my butt before the dust becomes a plague in our lovely home! ;)

it's so hard for the being the nostaligic that i am to let go of the things that i'm not interested with right now. thank God He reminded me to just leave the things that would be of more importance and help me for future references. i guess most of my fanatic collections deserve a rest and that's why i put them in the dumpster *sob..sob..* i never thought that i will be able to save space big time..now my study table really looks like it and i can actually study on that furniture without the concern of mites, dust and foul smell (eeewwww).

and after 4.5 hours, my room appears to be very accommodating and i guess i can spend more time in my room now. =D since i started cleaning during the mid afternoon, i just hoped that my neighbors didn't find it weird on hearing the sound of the vacuum around late afternoon. haha!

it's so refreshing to take a bath after doing a hard day's work! thank You God for sustaining me :)

received a text from someone...hmmm....didn't reply. ha!

while cleaning nga pala, i discovered i had kept a huge amount of money in one of my notebooks. wow! blessings are flowing!!! thank You Lord!

hope floats

2005-10-10T18:08:00.000+08:00

"beginnings are scary...endings are sad...but it's the middle that counts..."
--- from the movie Hope Floats

i love daydreaming, and sometimes, i get to the point where it misleads me because i generate the kind of hope wherein somehow, the ending of my every story would match exactly what i have imagined. it's gonna be a wishful thinking if i will always assume those things to happen. sure, others could come true if it's God's desire to be fulfilled; but definitely not all of 'em will be answered and won't eventually take place.

things happen and there will always be something to learn from it - good or bad situation. i must not overlook the struggles that i encounter because that's where i acquire important virtues/character in order for me to continue on with the race that the Lord has set before me.

most of the time, i used to wallow on things and dwell on what will happen in the end...thus leading me to feel discouragement, heartache or disappointment. And so with that, i forget that i should learn to just live for the moment, keeping also in mind of the journey that i am involved in. cherish each relationship that i established with every people that i've been with & treasure every little thing you have shared with them. i need to keep telling myself that i must always look beyond those negative emotions, let go & release it to the Lord, and just enjoy the times while you can still be with the persons that you have always cared about.

im keeping myself busy....that's good. Reading books that would divert my mind off those troubling thoughts, focusing on my ministry, helping out at home, and spending precious time and long talks with my Lord :)

mixed nuts

2005-10-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

mixednuts

thank God He has given me friends who can always encourage me whenever i'm in doubt and help me get past through every phase of my struggle. i'm currently in the state of confusion but as a friend of mine reminded me of God using different ways for His children to grow deeper and have a mature character, i think i know now where this confusion will lead me into. i am certain that i will soon have peace and assurance in my heart; that i don't need to be too anxious on diminutive things that involve my emotions. God is in control of everything. i have to honestly tell you that i feel down and frustrated whenever i remember an extract of THAT thing. i guess i need to be more mature in terms of handling my own emotions, mabilis kasi akong ma-windang eh.

thank goodness review for boards is weeks away and soon i'll be busy once again. that's more like it!

virtually my lifestyle changed when i started to become a bum. all of a sudden i got no workloads that are of no stress (hey, i'm after the GOOD stress, ok?). i'm used to being occupied...so with that, i don't get to think too much about my pathetic feelings. now that i have lots of idle time, naiisip ko tuloy and though i don't wanna expect myself being in that situation, i cannot help but feel negatively about it.

but on the lighter side, i always find comfort and love from God. He's the only One who can give me hope, assurance and encouragement to help me continue with my race...and remind me to be more mindful and to focus on far more important matters.

God is great. God bless my friends.

afterGRADlife

2005-10-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

afterGRADlife

as i heard their final words about how well i did with my orals, i couldn't help but be torn between my mixed emotion of discouragement and happiness. before i elaborate and tell a dramatic notion about the 'discouragement' part, i'm thankful to inform you that i passed the final requirement of my course and i'm pretty much sure that i can call myself a graduate. honor, glory, and praises will always find their way to escape from my mouth and reach the Lord's Throne; for i wouldn't have done it without Him.

alright, briefly i will discuss the not-so-good part of my passing the orals...just wanna get it out of my system. "..you need to hone your skills more as a future therapist..." i'm just so grateful to tell you guys (defense mechanism aside) that now, i consider it as a challenge and not to belittle my capabilities of becoming an effective occupational therapist (and hopefully a competitive one) someday. they thought i am going to pursue my studies to medicine because they figured that i was more knowledgeable in the medical/surgical part of the clinical case. uh-oh...thanks but, no thanks. studying this 5-year course has been an exciting roller coaster ride for me already and i don't wanna end up purging out all my dreams of working in a hospital & dealing with patients, should i be continuing to study medicine.

my doctor panelist (a psychiatrist) commented on my state of emotion during the final orals - AMBIVALENCE (having positive & negative emotion both at the same time). that made me laugh a bit. thanks, doc. but that didn't help the battle of sentiments that was starting to build up inside as they declared "You passed" right in front of my face.

as i immediately rushed towards where my parents are prayerfully waiting for me (yep, full family support ito), i was trying to brush off the negative vibe coz it would ruin the whole celebration. i tapped my parents' shoulders and they anxiously looked at my face for a reaction. as i made a thumbs up sign, big smiles and discreet cheer has registered into their faces. it was a big relief and I was overjoyed, now that i have made them finally proud of me after everything that has happened. all glory to God!

i think during the afternoon of the next day when the ecstatic feeling of my parents had started to subside. they kept on naming me "the graduate" (was that a Dennis Hoffman flick?). i guess you can never take that emotional high from the ones who brought you up to become a better person & have seen your ups and downs.

there are so many people who are responsible of receiving my thank you's, sobrang dami talaga. i got a huge dose of encouragement, prayer and support from my youth pastor & his wife, 3 nights before i had my final stint at UST. we had an awesome fellowship at our humble habitat, which helped me to drive away all my fears and anticipation. i was able to share with them my future plans, as well as my plans that have been given a "stop sign" from the Lord. i'd still wait upon Him if it's gonna be a stop sign forever, or if i would continue to seek before obeying God. It was definitely a night full of God's wonderful presence and perspectives that are in line to His will. may the Lord richly bless kuya mike & ate ca.

my friends @ church, who never failed praying for me and when i finally broke the news to them, it's so great to see their expression of gladness!

my berks @ UST, guys...thanks for all the academic and emotional support. i deeply appreciate it. I know you're gonna help me to cope with the board exam stress this coming February.

I still have plenty of time before our review (on oct. 24), and for that I would want to be consumed by the Lord in doing His work and maximizing more of my time with Him alone.

Basta, my life is safe in His arms. I fully depend on my Lord. I'm gonna be alright.

bumMER!!!!

2005-09-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

Feeling a little low right now. Gloomy is the more appropriate word, I guess. I just don't feel so pumped up, perhaps I got tired (as if!) of staying outside with the whole body workin'. It's been on my schedule to buy this week a new blouse from my ever favorite, the UK, for tomorrow's exciting night of praise and worship - together with all of the affiliated churches of our mother church. Hopefully the worship hall will be able to accommodate every church member who will attend; hopefully it will be jam-packed....well, in a good way.

So anyway, before I met up with my mom at 7-11 convenience store, I received a text from my professor. She informed me that the sked of my orals that she texted to me last Monday was a mistake. She thought I'm under this certain doctor but it turned out that as she checked on her list, the doctor who is definitely gonna be in my panel hasn't responded yet. The anxiety that I've kept for the past days has boiled down a bit. I really want to be over with this degree so badly to go to the next level - board exams this Feb; but thank heavens, she assured me that I'm gonna be able to finish my orals within this month. Whew! At least I'll still have longer time to study. Should not feel complacent though, the end of September is quite soon. It's just that I have more time to lavish and comprehend every little thing that I'm reading. Thank You, Lord!

I have come to a conclusion that since I'm not making any strenuous work for the past couple of months, every time that I go out and do a little physical exertion, I get tired easily. A super sedentary lifestyle must I be having, eh? Now I feel like dozing off and I cannot believe it since the clock says it's only 10:40pm. Well, a sufficient reason could be my rummaging through the UK stalls/boutiques (meron bang ganun?) in search of my ultimate decent blouse. It's not the best one a young woman should possess, but it's really comfy and I feel confident when I wear it.

I hope it'll pay off tomorrow night. I'm sure it will. Can't wait to stretch my vocal chords and give my muscles a bit of exercise while I keep myself conscious in pressing the keys as I project the songs for the congregation.

worrying too much

2005-08-24T14:35:00.000+08:00

i'm thinking too much and it's not gooooood. i just want to enjoy this great feeling everytime i have the chance to converse with him. i know God is taking care of my emotions and all i can say is that He's the best author of love stories. i lift up unto Him every kilig feeling that i experience with this person and ask incessantly to the Lord to control my thoughts since i kept on assuming about what's gonna happen next. ugh... i honestly dislike myself whenever i do that. may He take away my interest with this guy if he's not gonna be with me for the rest of my life.

sounds desperate? not naman siguro. it's just that i want to focus on my current situation and to things that would also be part of my future - career, ministry and grow deeper in the Lord. you might conclude that i'm being rigid with my lovelife. i'm not. i only need to stick on my mind that there are still so many things that await me. i admit that i am not yet ready to be in a relationship, to involve other person in my life where evidently, i haven't been equipped by the Lord...im not even halfway through it! well, i include him in my prayers, not for him to be my future partner - but as one of my dearest friends.

that person has really made a huge contribution on where i am right now and be unto Jesus all the glory! God has used him to improve certain important areas in my life without him knowing it. the Lord definitely has His own way of changing his beloved children!

God is faithful and great.

scrubs...

2005-08-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

Scrubs, a hollywood tv series, got me refreshed again with all the hospital thing going on. i think the 1st airing of their 1st season started tonight at Star World. I was in my senior or internship year when my friend told me that it's worth watching. Not to mention that the lead actor is cute, adds my curiosity to stare on the screen more.

my being an occupational therapist is what i can say my dead-end in the professional specifically in the world of medical care. i bummed to become a doctor since i thought that though you get higher respect by having "M.D." alongside your name...i guess i can still find fulfillment in this aspect with regards to my interaction with my patients. at least we OTs can implement treatment (of course under the go signal of the doctor), can call patients as "pasyente ko" o di ba? the only thing is that, we can never be called as doc. though at Sapang Palay, we therapists get that a lot and sometimes even people from the metro don't know how to call us during the first meeting. but hey, it's ok. title lang yun. whenever i tell them my course, that though it ends with the word "therapy", they would think na nagmamasahe ako. but it's ok. misconception lang yun.

so after watching the first episode, i thought to myself, i wanna work in a hospital! i wanna be in a physical dysfunction setting (yung pedia sideline na lang) and wear scrubs. nax!

kaya dali! bilisan na at mag-orals na dianne!!!

wow. i can't believe im THIS CLOSE to that dream.

*SCRUBS @ Star World. Thursdays, 10pm with replays at 11:30pm

whacked

2005-08-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

bangag na wala naman talagang nangyaring super busy sa araw na ito.

success...my body clock's beginning to change. uy, jetlag? not so. i haven't been doing a healthy regimen as far as my sleeping is concerned since i got used to going to bed around 2am and waking up at......uhm.......1pm. 11 hours of sleep would really make your system malfunction (and weird) once in a while. still having eyebags though you already exceeded the recommended total hours of sleeping, looking like you've cried the whole night or most likely a cockroach has bitten your eyes coz it's swollen, and you get dizzy every now and then. all these are due to OVERSLEEPING!!!

so now i decided to make a change. especially that i badly want to be done with my orals, i've thought of a better way to cope with my sleepless "mornings" coz most of the time, i get to close my eyelids around 5am though i laid myself on my bed for a couple of hours or so already. it's really tough. i made my idle sleepless hours as my studying hours...which i will be doing later after blogging. im now on my 3rd day and it isn't a pice of cake, i tell you. i decided to stay up til 6am, wake up around 2pm. and for that i only get 8 hours of sleep. walang labis, walang kulang. di ko talaga magawang makatulog pag madaling araw, pramis!

arra told me that i can now migrate in the west because i have an almost altered sleep pattern. i guess it's gonna change again by the time that i start with my review for boards this coming October. yay! allowances come to momma!

gotta scoot. hafta study. naks.

2005-08-05T16:55:00.000+08:00

im so psyched today when the parcel that my bestfriend sent me finally landed in my very own hands. it's sooo awesome! by the time that i saw the white medium-sized envelope, i've never felt so agitated. i checked on the lid and yes, as expected - its corner was a bit slashed, as if it was really forced to have a peek on what's inside. by God's protection and mercy, not one thing was missing. thank God!

i just finished watching the DVD of Hillsong United's latest album - Look to You. wow! God has indeed enriched the talents of each member of Hillsong church with all these catchy and inspiring songs for Him alone. Now it's Shout God's Fame album's turn in my player.

to my bestfriend, Bes CNI, thanks so much! You're such a blessing! sabi ko sa'yo, ikaw ang suga bes ko. haha! but really, you've only not given me materials stuffs but whenever i needed counsel or emotional support, you never fail to stand by my side. luv yah!

ASTEEGGGG!!!

after gimik

2005-08-03T16:13:00.000+08:00

i just love hangin' out with my friends; especially not seeing them after a very long time. my college friends and i have planned this simple gimik a few weeks before the boards. we also set this exciting day for a purpose of catching up particularly with my case as to what these guys have been up to after college.

as you may notice, since the day i found out that i will be finishing college later this year, i haven't been too much of communication with them. of course they're busy and all that about board exam. and in my case, im sort of busy with everything - orals, house chores, church activities, etc. now that board exam is over and they already have their license as occupational therapists, i guess it's time for my 1st ever barkada in college to have some fun....and learning. tell you later about that! ;)

i was so excited to meet up with them and with that, my friend decided to bring her digicam, reviewers (to lend them to me), and we definitely have our own stored chikas that will later be splattered. we had lunch around past 2pm at Chef de Angelo's. we so got ourselves stuffed! too bad we were not able to finish everything on our plate; and right now, i totally regret it...im craving for them!!! one of my friends treated us with a 9" pizza since he's the Top 4 during the recent board exam and had his bday last sunday. we were acting funny coz we took pictures every now and then.

miss you guys!!!

then we strolled from glorietta to landmark to greenbelt 4. mmm, troy montero got our attention for a split second - not really much for people to be starstruck, ayos lang. made ourselves look like probinsyanos and probinsyanas in the park coz we loved taking pictures here and there; kung saan magustuhan. the landscape is cool and i would like to commend whoever the architect is of that place. we headed to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and most likely, that became our last destination for the whole day. our last pit stop. saw a cute barista, sipped on our ice blended coffees, chatted & laughed for more, and they reviewed me for my orals, specifically about Arthritis.

we all got home safely and still....obviously we cannot get enough of ourselves that we chatted over yahoo messenger. sick! haha! decided to get forty winks around 2am. so practically, we were together for 12 hours.

still, bitin pa rin.

i told them that after my orals and before one of friends would leave for states to have her long vacation (before landing her first ever job), we'll see each other together with our 2 more barkadas that we merged with. sure we'll make a one heck of a great time pag mas marami!

see you my friends nxt gmik! love you guys!

new

2005-08-01T17:31:00.000+08:00

im one of the bloggers who doesn't design her own template. my new design is simple (again...) and very catchy...perhaps because of the cupcakes. nakaka-gutom noh? i think i'm gonna munch a little right after blogging.

tonight, nasa church nanaman ako. batang church na ako...and i like being called with that term. hopefully, it will be our last session for leadership training for our youth ministry.

and hopefully, i'll be able to study osteoarthritis tonight.

new month.

new outlook.

new blog design.

new goals.

new habits.

'til then.

nuggets of everything

2005-07-23T01:28:00.000+08:00

Y do i have to suffer from what i am feeling right now?

Y is my brain being overwhelmed with so many random thoughts?

Y am i getting queasy right this second?

Y am i thinking about that stuff?

ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*breathe in ... breathe out ... *

ohhh...that stuff...i just have to divert my thoughts about that stuff...haha. confused, people? sorry ha. di lang talaga ako mapakali ngayon eh.

everything right now should be simple but im the one who's making it more complicated.

wala lang. napapag-isip ako sa bagay na yun na di naman dapat isipin. probably this is the effect of after-school phase...no job, no earnings, no activities, being included (i pray!) in the Feb boards na super tagal pa nun, and being in the waiting list to get over and done with my orals.

hmmmmph...i think i better go now...wala na akong maaasahan sa mga oras na to kundi makakuha ng tulog. as if i EVER need one!

tomorrow's another busy day. it's saturday and i love it 'coz i'm gonna be spending my whole day at church...i just hope something great's gonna happen and that God will work in our midst.

'til next entry guys. God bless! have a fruitful weekend!

make God's glory known

2005-07-11T22:15:00.001+08:00

oh wow!

the sportsfest concluded with such a surprise.

tons of things happened and most of the time, the best stuffs comes at the latter part of the story. hmmm, and i think it was proven perfectly - most especially i know that the Lord has vindicated what was in my heart. it's very difficult for my position to divulge specifically how i actually received God's teaching at certain areas of our church event since it involved serious emotions and inevitably, i will be reiterating the situations (like i used to do in posting here before) that would relive my negative sentiments. ugh, enough of this explanation! let's just get it on with my point.

daming che-che-bo-re-che. hala, sisimulan ko na!

being a team leader in one of the 6 groups during our church sportsfest, well...it's no laid-back job. realizing that we instantly got less than 5% manpower (meaning literally, since we only have one 13-year old guy member), thoughts start clashing through my mind about how we're gonna push our team to a strong one. c'mon let's face it ladies, men have more edge when it comes to sports and games - may it be physical- or mind-wise. all members are toxicated with their respective careers and chores and we had a difficulty meeting halfway for us to be able to come up with a day and time to practice for cheering and song competition. if my memory serves me correctly, we only practised as a complete group twice.

God has definitely has His own way of putting things in order. He was able to comfort me and assure me with His Words that as long as we did our very best, we'll be fine. we're not seeking of men's approval anyway, we just look up unto God.

Patience is the number one character that the Lord has been trying to build in my now-growing spiritual life. my family can undoubtedly atest to that! ha! i am always hot-tempered. *yeah, it's i am, not i was.* musn't fret, God and I are working on this area step by step; and i am pretty sure it has taken its first step couple of weeks back. gotta tell ya, it's very, very difficult knowing my mataray attitude.

our sportsfest is a great opportunity to get to know other members of our church. another thing is that i get to bond and establish friendships with other people that i usually don't relate to, like, the people who are not within my age bracket or generation. especially that im involved and actively participating with few ministries of our church, i should widen my knowledge about the different perspectives/character of others. this is a good way for God to break, teach, and build me.

all in all, i just want to give back all the praises, honor and glory unto the Lord Jesus Christ. it was an amazing experience, ika nga sa mga reality tv shows. my being emotional has brought a lot out of me. wow.

'til next church sportsfest. God bless y'all.

2005-06-27T15:53:00.000+08:00

my adductor muscles sore...the muscles that contracts when you always move your thighs together. nabanat kasi. tight in short dahil i live a sedentary lifestyle. the parlor game last night at our church was quite exhausting as well as my game on mixed doubles in table tennis. glory to God me our team won! tension talaga naramdaman ko, pero super ganda ng laro. we reached the 3rd set; umabot pa kamo ng deuce sa 2nd set! kaya ewan ko kung maraming naasar na from yellow team dun sa kinilos ko after i found out that the opponent's move resulted to our team's victory...na-hampas ko kasi yung raketa ko sa table and i shouted and jumped with all my might. sila kasi mahigpit naming kalaban, obviously. sa previous teams, hindi ganito ang tension and reaction namin pag nananalo kami. all praises and honor to our God!

ang sakit ng katawan ko. pero im starting to get used to this kind of feeling. yun nga lang, inaantok ako ngayon. i wanna take a nap first before reviewing. we're gonna have a quiz once again in our youth leadership training this 7pm. sana magising ako ng 5:30pm para maka-aral ng marami.

woohoo!!! this is my last week in my extension! probably by august, i'll be doing my orals.

one...

last...

try...

Jesus i trust in You.

2005-06-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

gonna be toxic tomorrow. i'll be in the church for the whole day. as in WHOLE day.

7:00am - 1st practice for the theatrical play of the Youth Ministry for the 26th anniversary of our church

10:00am - meeting with other worship leaders and musicians in our youth ministry
12:00nn - hmmm....where will i be havin' my lunch? at home? MP?
1:00pm - start of sportsfest for this day. got a game against the green team
- gather some of my teammates to discuss the cheering and song composition
7:00pm - the games have probably concluded around this hour.
- gotta clean the assigned restroom with other young people!
7:30pm - musician and worship leading training
8:00pm - music practice for the service tomorrow morning
10:00pm - tired and worn out but heart is fulfilled that i have served the Lord with the best of my abilities

just like a child who has spent her entire day happily with her Father :)

sheesh...i hope i'll have my devotion in the morning, before i go to church. most likely in the evening, all i wanted to do is to sink myself in my bed and take a long rest. siyempre pray muna at dapat naka-upo ako. otherwise, my amen will be uttered on the next morning. God won't like that. haha!

it's soooo nice to have rainy season again!!!

til then my friends...

*missin' someone...*

shutdown!!!

2005-06-21T17:25:00.000+08:00

every tuesday and thursday this month has been very challenging for me, since the condition of these two kids that i'm handling are on its extremes.

every tuesday, i gotta meet my so ever hyper autistic patient that craves for proprioceptive sensory input. he spanks his behind so hard, writes heavily on paper during handwriting activity, grits his teeth, and nanggigigil.

then come every thursday, i handle this so hyporesponsive autistic kid who is very obedient, sweet, and not-so-destructive. let's just say he's too behave & high funtioning to be true. his problem in his case is that he writes so light that's why the penmanship is not legible, needs to be stimulated so he can feel and have additional process in his functioning that should be more on proprioception because as you get to hold him, he's a bit floppy; also his speech, is not quite age appropriate. he tends to speak in one-word and doesn't express in sentences.

and for my part, i gotta target those areas to at least make them functional and for my tuesday kid, well...to behave and cooperate for 10-15 minutes. this afternoon, i already had things prepared for my patient and oh man, was i not surprised that it didn't come out exactly the way i wanted to happen. with kids like this, it's inevitable and the therapist must be fully aware and flexible about it. NAG-SHUTDOWN ang patient ko!!! ok, before you think of anything that is quite drastic as to what i have stated, unahan ko na kayo, it's not what you think it is. shutdown means in my kid's case, he was not responding anymore to my calming intervention. kinailangan ko na ng tulong from my supervisor kasi he was totally out of control. of course i wasn't angry coz it's his system that's not functioning well...not his behavior. kasama na rin yun but it is more than his mere poor working behavior. intensive intervention ang kailangan and my knowledge has increased (thankfully!!!) with the input of my supervisor. after doing that, for 10 minutes he was cooperative and behaved; he started verbalizing such as "i want the moon!" and throwing away things that he holds and well...intensive treatment is needed but good thing is, his session's over so i already terminated the treatment.

i don't regret about what happened to my orals. honestly, i badly need knowledge about OT treatment in pedia setting; among all the 3 settings that my profession encompasses, this is where i have poor exposure at. God's timing is never late, never fails. He reveals things one by one and i thank Him that i am able to understand the reasons why these happen right now in my life.

well...though that session a bit frustrated me since im almost a graduate of occupational therapy, i still wanted to practice my profession in this field. i love special kids....i wanna make them feel God's love for them and that they're very precious in His eyes.

goudin, OTRP...signing out ;p

father's day

2005-06-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

Hallelujah!

it's so amazing to worship the Lord together with other young people who are also very hungry for His Word. the energy just keeps on going, even if my arms ache because i constantly raise it almost all through out the worship, i didn't mind.

raising our hands to the Lord defines our wholehearted surrendering of our lives unto Him...reaching unto God just like a child wanting her father to carry her. so we can feel comfort. obtain security. know that we're under His wings, safe and sound. be embraced so tightly, strengthen us & wipe away every drop of our tear when despair sets upon us. shout for joy along with us after every victory.

that's how our Heavenly Father is. As we celebrate father's day, nevertheless we should remember the greatest love that we have received from the greatest Father of all generations - Jesus Christ. His love endures, never changes. His love for us today is the same with the love that Noah, Moses, David, & Job have experienced. As honest as it seems, our earthly fathers may once in a while break some of their promises perhaps not only to us, but to the whole family as well; with Christ, His promises are as firm as a solid rock.

we may not in a split second witness His plans for us, but in His perfect timing, with the perfect situation, everything will be revealed if only we will trust in Him. Our earthly fathers may let us go and give us incremental amounts of freedom to do things on our own; but in the case of our Father in heaven, he is in control of our lives. yeah, God gave us free will ever since at the beginning of time but He always redirects our paths whenever we slip our foot on the wrong track. the Lord can do that.

some of you might not feel that you're going easy with your journey right now; it could be a teaching that the Lord wants you to learn, a storm that can make your faith stronger, or simply not asking God to take hold of your life. But then please take in mind: He is the author and perfecter of our faith. God has great, splendid plans for your life and this will all be fulfilled if we totally surrender ourselves, every fiber of our being unto Him, and let Him be the Lord in our hearts...in our lives. Consume ourselves for God's glory. Make the fire burn more for Him. Ask Him for nurturing and preservation of our soul and spirit everytime our faith is being put into test.

The Lord is the only ONE who can change us, hold us steadfastly, and knows every bit about us...if He is accurate regarding the number of the stars in the heavens, how much more the number of strands of our hair? God knows everything about us, i mean, how elaborately can i say that since we all are aware that He created us! if you are caught in the middle of something that you think you cannot get out of or difficulty to make a way through it, He is the Man! Might as well run unto the One Who knows us very well and not to the ones who will give us advices that we only want to hear. Y'know what i mean?

Let's be mindful of every little thing that the Lord has done for us for the past years - ever since we gasped for breath. Be grateful and give praise to our ever-loving Father.

Happy Father's Day!

prophet

2005-05-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

Prophet by Frank Peretti

im currently reading this book wherein my friend, arra, lent to me since according to her, it's very..very...interesting. this is the week that i can totally be focused on reading a book for leisure. gotta break from studying textbooks and notes for my orals! i missed relaxing and exploring things using my imagination. i've done that since i was in high school, when Sweet Valley High and University were sooooo in. even though im still embarking on this novel, i can tell that in every chapter, the story gets really tasty.... ;)

gotta make a review after reading it. hopefully next week, i'll be able to finish it. i am definitely challenged to read it because the font size is like 10, has more or less 30 lines per page, with 416 pages.

tamaditis!

2005-05-23T15:35:00.000+08:00

What am i doing???!!!! I should be having my make-up duty at National Center for Mental Health. i actually want to finish my make-up days in mental ASAP so that before i have my 1 month extension at a pedia setting, a SPED school, i am relaxed and free from any pressures...before i study once again the topics for my July orals.

yeah, i hesitated to mention last week that my last topic during my triple orals sucked. it's such a waste that i messed up, last topic na yun eh. gosh....it's weird. don't want to further talk about it. i really thank God for comforting me with His promises and Word from the Bible. i pray that He will soon reveal to me the purpose of my situation right now.

so i was thinking, what in the world will i do between the months of July and November? 'coz i'll be taking the February boards and im not sure if the review will start on either nov or dec. sure, dad's been dying to enroll me for driving lessons so that i'll be able to bring and fetch my sister from school at Katipunan. my parents are really busy with our business and it will be an additional load if they will also be the ones to take care of that matter. that would be cool...pick up my sister, then we'll go somehwere....wahaha! BI ako sa kapatid ko!!!! oo nga pala, i cannot do stuffs such as that and go shopping kasi wala pa pala akong job. except if some people will hire me for private practice considering that i still haven't taken the boards. may magtitiwala kaya sakin ng ganun ka-laki?

listenin' right now to RnB praise songs. very awesome! i never thought that such common songs as "I love to be in Your presence" and "Lord I Offer" can be so different from what i usually listen to yet it brings sweet aroma to God's throne!

around 7pm i'll be going to church to attend leadership training. my schedule is soooooo lax ever since i had my orals last tuesday. ok lang, masasanay rin ako. imagine, i've been toxic and always pressured every since i stepped into high school.

im really glad a couple of people have complimented me that i've become slimmer. wushu!!!!! yehey!!! naging baboy ba naman ako nung nasa bulacan ako eh. i was a bit surprised, actually.

that's it! tomorrow, promise na talaga, i'll drag myself from my bed and once and for all, deal with my make-up at mental!

the art of letting go

2005-05-20T17:18:00.000+08:00

got this from a bulletin post of my best friend, bes cni :)

thanks bes! i really like this message...especially that last night, i just realized that i should let go of someone. he made an impact in my life, he didn't know that through his actions helped me rise above my struggles...thank God that i have crossed paths with him. even for a brief moment that i've spent time with him, he made me realize (and again, without him knowing it...galing niya noh?) things that i should be doing for eternity.

but still...some things just come to an end inevitably. so many reasons can be a possibility why it'd happen, regrets might once in a while cross my mind, feel pity about what i've felt about him for the past months, but......i guess im gonna be ok with it.

time to move on...and again, i thank my best friend for giving me this piece of encouragement. hope you enjoy this one guys.

"finding the right person is very hard & very wrong.. it is best to be the right person for the one you love & start. from there you'll always end up disappointed when you set standards & define a right person for you and don't rush things coz somewhere, somehow God is preparing somebody for you."

Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship bcoz you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it.

Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, & what you really want in a relationship.

You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with. If you already know that you're too big to fit into a small sized T-shirts, don't give it a try, you'll pretending you still have the same feelings. It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go & give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest, give your heart a much needed attention, then you will find that you have made the right decision & you made it all by yourself.

We call it love when we can't leave someone & see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong it's just a pity. We call it love when were to attached & think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak & unable to face the storms of life, We misunderstood! Its just that were too dependent on them! We call it love when we give our whole life to them; the wholeness of us imagined that if they leave no one would accept us & our past. We are mistaken! Its just insecurity!

But no matter what the destination is the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy or beg, it is real & existing, you can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart, you can't find it, but it will knock when you least expect it to come, it can make you the happiest soul in heaven but don't forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy..

this is really is it!

2005-05-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

you won't believe the text message i received just after writing my blog yesterday!

ok, here's what happened:

i had my 3-hour nap from 4-7pm since obviously, i got tired from going to UST with that boiling temperature. prior to closing of my eyelids, i texted the doctor if he has any available date within this month for my orals. as soon as i woke up, i checked my cellphone...still no text. i was really urged to miss a call in his phone to know if it's turned on or he went on a vacation whatsoever. i texted my classmate to seek for an opinion on what to do. she agreed with me to check his phone because of its mere essence - if i should have my orals or not within May. voila, his phone rang. so he's using it. i then sent the text message that i did earlier, to make sure that he gets it. i was worried 'coz he could get irritated, baka kung ano pa gawin nun. pero sana wag naman...kinabukasan ko nakasalalay dun!

while i was on the process of thinking whether he received my text or not, suddenly my cellphone caught my attention---1 text message received! ahhhh!!! this could be it! i first read the name of the sender to lessen my anxiety. it was my professor. she told me this (nabura ko kaagad yung text sa sobrang kaba but here's the gist), "at last! nag-reply na rin siya. you can have your orals on May _ _, 8am. sana handa ka na. Ü see you!" sorry guys, i have to keep the date in private. maarte na sa maarte, ayoko lang masyadong maging big fuss. hope you guys would pray for me instead to reduce the intermittent stimulation of the butterflies in my stomach.

i just pray to God that i could pass this orals for me to be able to attend the evening class of the boards review. para makaabot ng July. i know the Lord sees my heart, my desire and my plan.

i pray that all my requests be entirely known unto Him and grant it. may i submit wholeheartedly to His only will. God bless y'all bloggahs!!!

2005-05-11T14:52:00.000+08:00

aloha!

based on my recent post on the tagboard, im not so sure if the temperature today actually reached 42.2ºC; but guys, if you've been out today, it's like you've been drained and fried under the striking heat of the sun.

ANG INITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

around 10:30am, i went to UST with my sister to submit my make-up slip from the hospital i recently had my make-up, PCMC; ask for a new make-up slip for NCMH, then finally have my make-up at UST-CC scheduled (monday & wednesday). aren't you noticing anything? this paragraph contained 80% of the time the word MAKE-UP. well...the latter part of my college life revolved and still revolves on that single word. that was the reason why i wasn't able to march. why i'm still dragging myself from the bed to go to the hospitals that i had lates and absences / deficiencies with during my previous rotation. why i'm disappointed for not being able to join my batchmates for the July boards...not yet.

regrets...regrets...regrets...

it's very difficult to explain to you guys about the system of our college...the "you must do this and that" and the "do's and don'ts". i exceeded the number of allowed lates and absences and though i can make-up for those days, my effort isn't still adequate for me to have my orals and march on time. this may, patapos na ako sa make-ups ko. i am looking forward to having my orals this may and if God willing, makahabol ako sa review. i am planning to enroll for OT Batch but since the morning class has started, i'll be attending the evening class temporarily until i can go with my OT batchmates in the morning. hindi pa kasi nagte-text yung doctor. siya na lang yung hinihintay kasi. my prof even gave me his cel# para ako na mismo ang magpa-sked kung magrereply sakin. pag may load na ako mamaya, siguro text ko na siya.

i cannot say that im fully prepared...because i decided not to study all topics. though i will be reading most of it but yung todo career sa pag-aaral sa lahat, nah-uh. kaya ko lang naman gusto na makapag-orals para matapos na yung sobrang anticipation and agony. summertime na and here i am, nilalamig sa kaba for my orals. sa ngayon, ang iniisip ko, mas nakakakaba ang orals ko kesa sa boards. because sa boards, it's a written exam, i dn't have to be rattled with speaking in front of people. yun nga lang, lisensya naman ang end goal.

but then my dad told me, i shouldn't be pushing myself too hard on my orals just to make it for the july boards. if the doctor isn't available this month, they're fine with it; as long as it won't sacrifice my board exam and of course my future profession. i am in deep desire to work asap...i wanna help my parents with our expenses here at home and help them save time by taking care of my sister especially that school's starting anytime soon.

God has promised me that i will be able to graduate this year and im sure i'm definitely gonna make it by His grace and mercy.

2005-05-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

im back!

Writing a blog after my orals would probably cause me some serious emotional ailment if all the things that I wanted to express will be in suspension...since I haven’t had my orals yet because the doctor in my panel is not available. For the past week, ive been opening the "compose" page of my blog and when I had the opportunity to spill it all out, my mind just gets stuck and blank until I finally grasped upon my mouse and decided to click the exit icon. Perhaps I was tired these past few days because I’ve been out of our home most of the day---make-up at hospitals then in the evening, practice for tomorrow's Night of Worship for our church's youth. I haven’t been finishing a new topic for my orals though im really workin' on it. Even if im not loaded with patients in the hospital (since there are regular interns already...ahem...feeling!), I then compensate my lack of sleep from last night in the interns' room. Yun nga lang, dapat wag magpahalata...demerits yun! Weve been warned though not to, but...it's very difficult to keep your eyelids open if you feel terribly sleepy...even if you don't want to. I honestly desire to read the book that I bring in the hospital to kill time, but there's nothing you can do with the call of forty winks. Haha!

Ok, enough of my sleepiness. I wanna tell you guys about what happened to me this afternoon in the hospital. It was 3:00 pm, and some of my co-make-uppers decided to have a break. Wala eh, pagod...kakatunganga at magbutas ng upuan! After checking out the food in the first cafeteria that we visited and found out that nothing in the items caught my attention to purchase it, I told them that ill be going to the hospital canteen. Mmmm....hotdogs! smokey's would be nice to silence my troubled stomach. The thing is, when I arrived, only a doctor waiting for the smokey's vendor was there. I asked at the alongside counter of viands regarding the whereabouts of the vendor...she'll be returning in a moment, just peed.

My friends also went in that place after buying foods from cafeteria and joined me in waiting for the vendor. As soon as she arrived, I immediately asked her, "miss, may chicken hotdog pa ba kayo?" "Wala eh." Oh. So I scanned the menu once again to look for alternative food to munch on. As I was thinking hard which to order, the doctor approached me, "excuse me miss." "yes?" "sana naman kung sino yung nauna."

Nag-init ang ulo ko. Literally, the hot temper quickly went up to my head and I didn't know how to react then so I just simply said, "nagtatanong lang naman ako eh."

OO! I said that well...without respect. I was wrong with how I said it. Pero isipin niyo na lang, naka-ngiti pa siya but she definitely seemed to be sarcastic when she told me that. After saying that, I was thinking of storming out of the canteen; but I thought of satisfying my hunger more than giving focus on the current situation. Haha! Gutom eh. Hindi na ako nagsalita after. I just waited for the doctor to finally pay for her hotdog and see her graceful exit. We all reacted thereafter, naturally. The vendor asked me, "Galit ba un?" "Ewan ko dun. Nagtatanong lang naman ako eh." Masyado lang niyang inunahan ang pangyayari...at baka um-order ako before her.

What I was pointing out is that she should've been considered my statement and perceived well what I meant about that. Natatakot siguro siyang maubusan. But my friend told me that there were hotdogs enough to sell. Akala siguro niya lahat kami bibili. Returning to the interns' room after that incident made me recall more if I should've done it otherwise (like, shut my mouth and don't mind her) or still do the same thing but with respect.

Hindi porque she has a higher attainment of education doesn't mean she can look down and be sarcastic on interns like us. That doctor must learn that not all people like us can be treated in that manner.

Ho ho ho. That was one short irritating scene! Sorry if I am too irrational right now. My mom agreed with me but yun nga, dapat sinabi ko ng mas maayos.

Appropriate title: "HOTDOG KO DOC!"
(tnx irmatoots for the suggested title)

la lang...

2005-04-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

if only i could scream (but can't...got terrible cough)

if only i could run away (nope...still have my ankle swollen...corny!)

if only i could not think about studies

if only i could go to church without any worries

if only i could watch TV or surf the net without having in mind to memorize something

if only i could do those things...

then life would never be challenging. it's like you're living lifelessly (huh?). wa kwenta. and i guess this is not possible to happen to any person because God will not give you an easy road. you will always encounter one hardship every now and then so God will see to it that you're clinging to Him--and not to anything/anyone else. i guess some of you may think that God may be enjoying the scene where we're all helpless and vulnerable; but hey, this is the best way that the Lord prepares us for a higher calling. another thing is that he wants us to possess the qualities that would make ourselves enter His Kingdom.

take note: good works are secondary to what God wants us to do in order for us to have eternal life in Heaven. well, doing charity and doing good to other people isn't enough for us to be saved. Siyempre, para hindi tayo makapag-mayabang bago tayo papasukin dun. this could be the probable scene before entering heaven:

"why do you deserve to be in heaven?"

"'coz i gave money and all my possessions to the poor, donated at different charities to the best of my capacity, did good to other people, went to church and many others! i guess you can check on my video tape since i heard you record the things we do way back when we're alive. i was gooood man! i was good!"

"uh-huh...uh-huh...i get ya. mmmmm.....what else? don't you think there's a better and im certain that most of the people here will agree of that ONE, SPECIFIC, ESSENTIAL reason why we should let you in?"

"nnnnnnnnope! not a hunch."

it's up to you guys how will that tragically end (ooops, i spilled a bit on that sentence!). you know, your religion won't matter to God. so what if you go to church and do their traditions and go by their rules if your personal relationship with the Lord is not growing? definitely we should do the ones i have mentioned above but giving all of us to Him, realizing that we're nothing without Him, serving Him the best way we can, knowing God more by reading and meditating His Word so we can know His plan in our lives...are the things that we should focus on.

i don't know if we've been through with this thought with my past entries several times but i deeply desire to tell you guys that eternity is what we should look forward to. oo nga, you have lived your life to the fullest here on earth pero ang tanong eh, saan ka pupunta after your life here on earth?

we all know that Jesus died on the cross at the Calvary for us...to save us because of His great love for everyone; and that we should declare unto Him, that we're sinners, we're opening our hearts to let God be the Lord of our lives, let Him change us to become more in His likeness and most of all, saying that we're accepting His gift of eternal life in heaven.

isn't that just wonderful?

testimony from camp

2005-04-03T18:10:00.000+08:00

Here's my testimony that i posted in our Yahoo Group from the recent summer camp that i attended. it was extremely a great experience! Here it is:

for me, the 2005 Youth Aflame camp was........

+ exhausting

+ exhilirating

+ challenging (to the nth power!)

+ a humbling experience (esp to the leaders of Galatians, Ephesiansand Philippians)

+ amazing

+ awesome

+ cool

+ physically afflicting (got minor ankle sprain but im ok now)

+ very emotional

+ spiritually rejuvinating

+ fulfilling

+ a training ground for everyone

+ another chapter to add in the hearts of every youth who came

+ a bonding moment with other Christians ("rebonding" accdg to the Philippians team)

+ a memorable moment to rekindle the fire for Jesus

there's no single adjective or noun could ever describe the recent event. i personally considered it as a learning experience becausethis was the camp that i ever led a team. nakalagay na nga sa taas na i was humbled and it taught me to become more responsible in one way or another kasi kung hindi ka kikilos, sino pa? eh mga bata pamga kasama ko sa group at (sisingit lang ng joke) ako pa pinakamatanda sa kanila (huhuhuhu). sensya guys kung naging strict ako ha. inamin niyo naman before mag-camp na pasaway kayong mga napunta sa group ko. mahal ko kayo EPHESIANS!!!

ok, back to my serious talk. nakakatuwa at naging very emotional ako nung last night namin. that was the time when we had a "prophetic act" according to tita amie. at first, kuya mike and ate ca washed the feet of the other members of core---ate cet, donna and kuya arjun. then hinugasan nila kuya mike, ate ca, ate cet, donna yung feet ng leaders and asst leaders ng each team (EPHESIANS - me and daniel, GALATIANS - arra and maui, PHILIPPIANS - pj and kate). tapos we leaders washed the feet of our members. grabe, i cried (pero mukhang ako lang ata naiyak nun kaya di ako gaano humagulhol) tapos yung song pa, "Make Me A Servant". i felt that title lang yung "leaders/asst leaders", humility talaga ang gustong ituro sa amin ni Lord pati taking a bigger responsibility and handling it while He is molding us more into His image. i also learned here na huwag maging pasaway sa pagtulog. sa mga previous camp, pwedeng matulog ako whenever i want. ngayon, kailangan ako manggigising sa mga ka-grupo ko. ang hirap, promise! ang lamig pa ng weather! i missed the tent-hoppings that i usually do during the past campings...kaya pag gabi lang ako especially nung last night lang ako naka-hang out sa tents ng Galatians andPhilippians. ilang minutes lang yun! hindi ko kasi maiwanan mga groupmates ko...di bali sana kung mga ka-edad ko lang, medyo maiiwan-iwanan ko.

sorry ha, mahaba na...pero konti na lang talaga!

and oh...who could ever forget I COULD SING OF YOUR LOVE FOREVER??! im sure na-boost ang confidence ng bawat youth dahil they were given an opportunity to grab the mic and sing the chorus. sana all of us would never be ashamed of singing our hearts out to the Lord Almighty. tipong mangangawit na yung leeg and arms niyo pati ma-strain ang voices niyo. hehe. above all, i wanna give praise and give back all the glory to our Heavenly Father...Who never fails to give us grace and blessing. He has blessed us with 35 youth members to experience His love, comfort, and joy. sana magpatuloy sila sa Panginoon and i pray na they will be eager and excited to attend youth fellowships/activities; hindi lang yung the activities alone lang are the things that they look forward to.

GLORY TO GOD!!!

see ya next camp!

God bless!

excited!

2005-03-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

in 7 hours, we'll be leaving mandaluyong for our Youth Aflame camp! woohoo!

im really worn out...i even got emotionally stressed out. hirap din maging leader pala, but by God's grace nakakaraos ako. there are things you do not expect and im the type of person that whatever comes up that is not included in the plan, i get irritated especially when it's during its last minute. naiyak ako kanina! pero at least i told my sentiments to our youth head kasi ayokong umalis ng may hurts. believe me, the cause of my outburst was very trivial and nonsense, pero...ako kasi ganun eh. i always stick with the plan. i guess that's part of the training that the Lord wants me to go through.

on the other hand, i soooooooooooo excited for tomorrow's camp! yoohoo! almost everything's set up already. opps, gotta pack! bye and see ya on saturday! God bless!

may we remember and reflect on the greatest love that we have ever received -- Christ's death on the cross to save us from eternal damnation of hell.

"...Crucified, laid behind the stone. You lived to die, rejected and alone. Like a rose trampled on the ground...You took the fall and thought of me...ABOVE ALL."

camp prep

2005-03-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

yesterday was definitely an exhausting day. after church, my groupmates (EPHESIANS) briefly went to our own homes and went back to church to start making our banner and clean our tents. everybody seemed to be so psyched about the upcoming summer camp of our youth ministry. i want to thank God for giving me the opportunity to lead my other youth members in our team. nakakawindang ng konti kasi i get to force myself to initiate the planning, implementation, and encouraging each member. it is kind of fun actually. im glad all my members has their own field of expertise--culinary arts, fine arts, theatrical arts. haha! honest! so yesterday our group was divided to do our thing such as doing the banner, menu, cleaning of tents.

it's a great feeling that we're all participating and thinking for the welfare of the whole team. we're the most active, i must say...ATAT (hehe!); and united. nakanerks! we all went home around 10:30pm.

sarap ng feeling, fulfilling. tomorrow we'll going back to church to make final preparations for the big event. excited na kaming lahat umalis!!! we'll be home on saturday. tatapusin namin yung banner and gather other things that were assigned to my groupmates.

EPHESIANS RULE!!!

Yadda Yadda :: whoopsiedaisies!!!

Not Again?!

tambay mode

im teen!

nagsimula nang dumating!

feel-ah

waaaaaai?!!?!

unfolding little by little

droppin' by

Pangarap kong matupad ang pangarap ko

Guinayangan Mission Trip 2007

Get all excited, go tell everybody that...

Our Mission

peaceful... *creek creek*

A fire kindled

testimonies!

this is how we overcome!

sunod sa galaw!

2007 with a bang!

blessed Christmas to all!!!

let my lifesong sing to You

tough sailing

welcoming my day off

errrrr....

ipakita mo galing mo! bwahaha!

excitement...

hit it!

mabuhay!

bente-tres

see you soon, lolo!

hallelujah!

PSALM thoughts

can't fit in the dark!

deal or no deal?

gloomy saturday

oooops. ayan na.

crushie ;)

in the stillness

crucified with Christ

+ over +

like eagles

how good it is...

;)

jan jan jan jan!!!

gulong ng palad

----

breathe on me, breath of God

this is for You my Lord!

after shock

welcome to my world, boards syndrome!

that little white spot

Paskuhan '05

ha!

issue 101

yeba!!

eh kamusta naman?!

"He's Everything to Me"

buena mano

couch potato days are ovah

so happy

all geared up!

enjoying freedom while it lasts...

i love yah, tomorrow!

that's more like it!

hmphhhhhhhhhhhh

career inclination DAW

not-so-general cleaning ;)

hope floats

mixed nuts

afterGRADlife

bumMER!!!!

worrying too much

scrubs...

whacked

after gimik

new

nuggets of everything

make God's glory known

shutdown!!!

father's day

peaceful... creek creek