this morning, i couldn't contain the happiness that it bursted within me and let it all out before the Throne of the Lord. no inhibitions, undignified - to the world's eyes. life is good. yeah, it's unfair but hey, truth must start sinkin' in or else you'll be caught in the middle of a drowning misery of life's circumstances. accept it but not to the point of dwelling too much in it...again, you'll be one way or another get stuck up and end up the same way.
reality bites. it surely does. it only depends if you let yourself be gnashed right through and through your muscles OR immediately snag the part that is being bitten and ask for wisdom courtesy of our Heavenly Father with what course of action will we do next.
i feel blessed being consumed by the Holy Spirit during our service. i couldn't stop speaking forth words of praise to the Lord; it widened my spiritual eyes and sharpened my spiritual ears to so many things regarding what was preached by our speaker. i want to be more intimate with God; not because i need to, but i deeply desire to have that kind of relationship with Him. i pray that as i everyday seek His face, my week will be fruitful and victorious. i always tell the young people that everyday, we should exert with best effort to make Jesus happy at the end of the day. it would be crazy enough for me to confess if doing so is a piece of cake. it hurts if we get afflicted but we needed that so we can be shiny vessels; so we can reach perfection and pleasure in the Lord's eyes. "..Be ye perfect, for i am perfect."
i continue holding on to God. there's no one i can turn to during my times of loneliness, storm, and dismay. like this afternoon, i felt that my heart is crushed; i got no one else to express this because it would seem boring and nonsense to others - so in turn i looked up to the Lord, asking Him when will He start working on that area though i know deep in my heart He already knows what's in store for me already on the coming days and years. at the back of my mind i am aware that everything is rest assured to be great...but it just slaps my face and i irritatingly hate it when i think about the possible uncertainties of some things. it makes me scared. and...depressed. for now, i don't wanna think about it. the tagboard's open for suggestions to keep myself busy. uh, but actually...my sked's all maxed out. i just realized, i am busy. it just looks impossible to be up and about the whole time. mamamatay ako nun! i have always thought the thing that our senior pastor has been telling me...time and time again. kept wondering if it's some sort of prophecy just expressed through a mere, innocent joke. my mind wrestles with the thought of whether i will have it or not.
"..there is a time for everything..." yep yep yep. there is. waiting is tormenting if i continue burning a hole on the chair to where i sit. but in fact (a hard-hitting fact that is), waiting should be perceived as a phase of preparing to be more mature and stay connected with God. passing the levels of situations that God has placed in our lives with flying colors and aiming to the next, more complex level is far more important until we reach and fulfill our fullest calling. waiting and doing nothing is stupid; however, doing something and focusing our preparation for maturity while waiting upon the Lord is 100% acceptable.
O Lord, to You alone I cry out in times of desperation
Search me, consume me in Your presence
Let my heart be not blinded by earthly desires,
But may my thoughts be surrounded by Your magnificent power -
What You can do to our lives and showing us
The radiance of Your glory.
Hallelujah. May these words be sealed in the Name of Jesus' Christ. Amen.
