no matter how hard i try to keep my tears from falling, the emotion and memories always overtake my being. i wanted to let myself out to release whatever that is welled up within everytime i see, hear or think (uhhh...why does our brain ever do that when we get depressed?!) about the devastating reality that has beset our family last wednesday. the gracious Lord Jesus has planned that it was time for my lolo to go that day.
it was already expected of him though anytime soon to be with the Lord but it was NEVER expected that i will be really mourning for him. i thought i would get this over soon; i hope it will but it's never gonna be easy. apo na ako niyan, ganito na nararamdaman ko, pano pa kaya si lola? it is very difficult to let the reality sink-in because from time to time, i would see my lola go to the dining area, then to the master's bedroom, to give herself time to mourn for her loss. everytime we go visit them before whenever we can, i would always see my lola serving lolo with much much love by sacrificing and offering the best of her capabilities. however, i was not able to see literally much of their emotions for each other because even before, they were not used to showing off what they feel for their loved ones except through actions. actions truly speak louder than words. i've seen lola giving her best efforts especially when lolo got wheelchair bound, then eventually, bedridden. ganun talaga ang love. hindi nagrereklamo. hindi nagtatanong kung bakit. hindi humihingi ng kapalit.
i will definitely miss my lolo. i can now say with full confidence these precious words - you'll know the importance of someone when he's already gone. i started to realize that though i have seen the angry side of my lolo, all that could flash back into my memory are my own happy moments and good things with him. right this very moment, i liberated myself from the loneliness that inhibits my emotions - i just let the tears fall on my cheeks. and as i bring this entry to an end...uhhh....i'm telling you guys that i still don't know when will the mood revert to my continuous state of cheerfulness. of course i know lolo's already in the good hands and presence of our Saviour Lord Jesus, but one thing that i am sure of, he will always be missed and remembered.
i love you lolo. God is the only One who knows the certainty of our lives and when He will take us and see you again. for now, i will continue to live what the Lord has planned before me and do these things with excellence so you can be proud of me as well. i miss you po and our memories together will forever be cherished. promise po we will take care of lola...KAMI PA?! we will try our best to give her love and fill that emptiness (even if nothing will ever compare with the love that she has received from you) from last wednesday til she's here with us.
we love you so much lolo!!! at least we are now at peace that you have received the precious gift of salvation from the Lord Jesus and you're with Him already. He's the Only gift that is so special that we can ever offer you.
i'll see you there in heaven when God has already allowed me to see you.
mwah! mwah! mwah!
