Striving to Succeed......uhhhhhh.......
God is truly faithful and will always remain being a great Father in my life despite of my shortcomings. At times, i even take for granted His promises to me. Just like the recent Revalida exam i took last Saturday. I admit more than half of the questions that were laid out were answered pretty much by this funny eenie-meenie-miney-mo method. Jeez! I keep on praying and dreaming that God will let me pass my internship year, make me experience marching down the Medicine Auditorium and bring a big smile on my parents' faces. But man, look at what I'm doing --- I do not see myself exerting 3/4 of effort like other students having this line of course normally do to make that aspiration happen. Nah-uh.
Heto ang mahiwagang tanong sa sarili ko:
Bakit kasi ang sarap matulog at gusto ko laging kalmado ang paligid ko tulad ng batang nasa gilid???
Ang alam ko, masarap daw ang bawal. Pero hindi naman bawal matulog....but still I feel like my conscience is being lacerated every time I wake up on the day of the examination, thinking that I just slept through the night and didn't study a thing. Sure, I've read a couple of chapters...but i do not consider that as soemthing that I can tell my classmates with confidence that I really did. I guess most of you can relate with what I'm gabbing up here. AAAArrgghhhhhHH!!! eto nanaman ako!
Bakit di pa rin ako natatauhan?!
For sure God doesn't want naman my spiritual life/church activities eat up the time that I'm supposed to allot for studying -- He won't be glorified either with that. Ayoko namang hintayin na manginig ako sa takot at patayin ako ng kaba sa oras ng Oral Revalida na may nakapilang tatlong topics na idi-discuss. Of course my ultimate goal is to get exempted sa orals na yan; but sa nakikita kong past scores ko sa written part, duh! I don't think so.
It may seem impossible to all of us, pero, a speck of hope still rises within my deepest sentiments to be one of the students who is included to have singles (at hindi triples) sa orals namin.
May dalawa pang Written Revalida exams...tapos one Grand Revalida exam wherein that will determine if I could be promoted to get the singles or doubles....or remain na lang sa triples. Ang goal ko siguro sa ngayon na ay mapasama sa above average ng buong revalida to become a candidate for singles. *sigh* ang hirap pala talaga nito....considering that we still have a thesis to attend to. haynako. ibang topic pa yun. I think the Lord has given me soooo many favors and opportunities to get freakin' high scores. Katulad nito, kung tutuusin, isang center lang talaga ang napaka-toxic sa buong internship assignment ko -- PCMC (Waaaahhhhh....oo nga pala, nais kong sumulat tungkol sa aking naging karanasan sa rotation kong ito)
So anyway, I mean I'm not that loaded with paperworks, I don't need to rush with anything and here's the kicker, I have heaps of time to study....especially dito sa center kong ito -- Philippine Heart Center. Siguro nagpapagud-paguran lang ako. Tinatamad.
I NEED TO OVERCOME THIS SPIRIT OF LAZINESS!!!
I know I can do so much better than those pitious grades and scoress that I got during my early years in college. Imagine, I failed 2 subjects (each during the 1st and 2nd year) for a simple reason na I always get late and my study habit was not irritatingly enough. Kaya I've wasted 2 summers, spent it on going to UST and I had to endure walking the street of Vicente Cruz under the scorching heat as i crawl back home. HA! So many regrets. Sabi nga sa kasabihan....Nasa huli lagi ang pagsisisi. And as my dad says, walang pagsisisi na nauuna. Haha. May sense naman di ba? Haynako...
All I gotta do now is to make it as a lesson and think of it as a humbling, threatening experience (bakit threatening? kasi dapat madala na ako sa mga nangyari sakin noh!).
3 more exams to go.
1 ultimate goal.
1 deep aspiration.
1 reachable dream.
Tons of intense prayer.
