departing manila this coming monday will allow me to leave everything that...well, worries me. i know i musn't worry but i cannot help recently but load my thoughts with bunch of matters to be pondered upon. the problem is, i'm not sure though if i should be pondering on such things.
wait, you might suppose that i'm not making any sense here. let me get it straight.
though it is quite impossible for me to leave my concerns behind as i fly to singapore, especially when i'm on the plane or during my quiet time, i am definite that this trip will not only strengthen and feed my spiritual life to continue to grow into maturity; it would as well offer me the opportunity for myself to reflect on what REALLY lies ahead of me now that i am a full-fledged occupational therapist.
God has made me realize that Bible school can wait, and that immediate, essential needs must be prioritized for the moment. refreshing my skills as an OT for 2 weeks gave me a little contemplation that this is what the Lord has purposed me to accomplish and to become. at first, i wasn't expecting it that i would love this profession again because then i was sooo decided to enroll at a bible school. but God made sure His point is being crystal clear right in front of me; it's true that if we wholeheartedly entrust unto God our dreams and plans, He would never hesitate to put in our hearts His very own desire and work out what He really want our lives to become as His children. sometimes it would even surprise us because we didn't intend those things to transpire; but uh-oh...it did...and we're loving it, aren't we? not because it's some sort of a force of nature, but it IS God's heartbeat - inexplicably manifesting in our lives.
up to now i'm a bit bothered why my expectation about a certain thing turn out the way i wanted it to be. pretty weird huh? really...of course part of me wants to make that happen, so i won't get all tired up explaining to the higher authorities why i need to leave for singapore etcetera etcetera...and that they would not see me as an inefficient staff after showing them my best foot forward as a therapist. i dunno. but there's something inside of me trying to get out of my system, tyring to make its voice heard...why i was not primarily preferred by the department. i'm really, really, squeezing my brains out for reasons but i can't seem to pluck the reason out from my skills, competence nor reliability as a possible staff...because i know i did perform well (i think..hehe). what only runs on my mind now is this singapore trip. i did mention this to my 2 immediate superiors and perhaps they considered it; i can't blame them because they are in need of personnel. the patient load is very intoxicating, i tell you. they are in need of 2 OTs, hope i'm the next in line to be taken into consideration.
one of the staff informed me that i still am a pending OT staff. told me that everything is being deliberated upon by the HR department which is excruciatingly difficult because i need to help out my family as well; i need to know where i stand on their department. high hopes are being shown so far by the staff and i do put my hope on the same level as theirs. by God's grace, all of this will turn out fine; just like what He did with my other life sectors.
9 days being away from my family and work will definitely give me an ample time to think things through. i know my dedication for the ministry has diminished due to my sked during my 2-week volunteering at the hospital and felt that my energy level simmered down, making myself recognize that i wasn't the same as before. now i realized that i don't want my work to hinder me from doing what really is inside my heart; based on my early experience in work, i can say that too much focus in this aspect will lead our spiritual lives to stagnation.
responsibilities not only in my family but in my ministry are starting to become more complex and honestly, i'm getting excited about it. i just pray that i will not grow weary and tired of balancing the natural and the spiritual, but instead, i would blossom with a steady and strong root in the eyes and path of our Lord Jesus Christ.
