before the clock ticked at 12midnight yesterday, things kept rushing through my head with how am i gonna handle the expected life of a 23-year-old single lady. oh man, i remember how i used to anticipate and get jittery as my birthday gets closer. pero ngayon, kinakabahan ako. and i hate that feeling. it's like i need to stretch a bit the year just for me (and i have no idea how it will happen coz it's weird..) and let the others go through with the same, routinary 12 months of every year. eeew, weird ko na talaga.
i had a great celebration of my 23rd birthday. started it right by serving the Lord in the music team during our worship service. the message delivered by our pastor was very timely coz im in dire need of refreshing from the Lord everyday to move on, continue,and soar high like eagles...never give up INspite of the difficult circumstances and stresses i get engaged in. collectively, the congregation was prayed for and hopefully from that moment on we would cling to the promise that the Lord Jesus has assured us and never worry. after that i was being prayed for by our music director; thereafter i was also "cornered" by our youth pastor and his wife - this time truly the Lord had spoken to them because the prayer 100% encouraged me and captured what i really needed to hear.
greetings in forms of shout-outs, melodies, and casual ones also added as midday approached. after the necessary matters has already been given attention, i quickly went home and started fixing myself for a wedding. hindi akin ha...wish ko lang nakasulat sa last sentence ko, "..MY wedding." ha!
ok, ok...balik na tayo...nagiging nonsense na eh... so i dressed up, put make-up on, and headed to the venue.
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during the wedding, i've been asked (pressured so to speak) about a topic that is unavoidable to be brought up considering the age that i have just become. all i could give them was my innocent (naks), charming (yahoo!) smile and tell them, "wala pa eh. nagppray palang." tapos hindi pa sila naniniwala. haha! i wish! take note: hindi specific po yung taong pinagdadasal ko. i don't wanna turn out frustrated just because i didn't realize the standards that God wants for me. because i focused with my wants. puro "gusto ko" at hindi "gusto ni Lord"; my friends, this should not be.
same Body of Christ.
same calling.
same vision.
i just ask the Lord to continue to guard my emotions for that person coz with the situation right now, it's not getting any clearer (or is it?). di ko alam kung ikatutuwa ko yun o ikabahala. so i desire to leave it all at the footstool of my Lord. i don't want to do something and regret it coz i didn't trust the will of God for my life.
right now kahit mahirap gawin yung parang di ka nag-iisip ng malalim tungkol dun, i just want to rest in the Lord's loving promises, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11 NLT)
i need to keep myself reminded to see the whole mural painting and not on the little white spot.
God is great. i love the Lord so much.
no matter how hard i try to keep my tears from falling, the emotion and memories always overtake my being. i wanted to let myself out to release whatever that is welled up within everytime i see, hear or think (uhhh...why does our brain ever do that when we get depressed?!) about the devastating reality that has beset our family last wednesday. the gracious Lord Jesus has planned that it was time for my lolo to go that day.
it was already expected of him though anytime soon to be with the Lord but it was NEVER expected that i will be really mourning for him. i thought i would get this over soon; i hope it will but it's never gonna be easy. apo na ako niyan, ganito na nararamdaman ko, pano pa kaya si lola? it is very difficult to let the reality sink-in because from time to time, i would see my lola go to the dining area, then to the master's bedroom, to give herself time to mourn for her loss. everytime we go visit them before whenever we can, i would always see my lola serving lolo with much much love by sacrificing and offering the best of her capabilities. however, i was not able to see literally much of their emotions for each other because even before, they were not used to showing off what they feel for their loved ones except through actions. actions truly speak louder than words. i've seen lola giving her best efforts especially when lolo got wheelchair bound, then eventually, bedridden. ganun talaga ang love. hindi nagrereklamo. hindi nagtatanong kung bakit. hindi humihingi ng kapalit.
i will definitely miss my lolo. i can now say with full confidence these precious words - you'll know the importance of someone when he's already gone. i started to realize that though i have seen the angry side of my lolo, all that could flash back into my memory are my own happy moments and good things with him. right this very moment, i liberated myself from the loneliness that inhibits my emotions - i just let the tears fall on my cheeks. and as i bring this entry to an end...uhhh....i'm telling you guys that i still don't know when will the mood revert to my continuous state of cheerfulness. of course i know lolo's already in the good hands and presence of our Saviour Lord Jesus, but one thing that i am sure of, he will always be missed and remembered.
i love you lolo. God is the only One who knows the certainty of our lives and when He will take us and see you again. for now, i will continue to live what the Lord has planned before me and do these things with excellence so you can be proud of me as well. i miss you po and our memories together will forever be cherished. promise po we will take care of lola...KAMI PA?! we will try our best to give her love and fill that emptiness (even if nothing will ever compare with the love that she has received from you) from last wednesday til she's here with us.
we love you so much lolo!!! at least we are now at peace that you have received the precious gift of salvation from the Lord Jesus and you're with Him already. He's the Only gift that is so special that we can ever offer you.
i'll see you there in heaven when God has already allowed me to see you.
mwah! mwah! mwah!
Hi!
Greetings in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ!
it's so wonderful experiencing God more and more and at the same time seeing yourself expand by imparting to others especially to the young people how great the Lord is working in your life. i can never think of anything that you can trade it with. as i said in my last blog, life is good...yup...because God is amazingly good. hallelujah!
gettin' sleepy. got to go guys. have fun listenin' to my background song, it encourages us to continue living for the Lord alone. God bless!
