yahoo!!! right now, i'm having some sort of two polarities of anxiety - excited about the once again get together of as many young people as we can gather & nervous because it's gonna be my 2nd time to lead a group. it's not that i don't wanna be given responsiblity but i know it's a certain deliberation that it will be a challenging role for me. *sigh* oh dear Lord, i won't be able to do this without Your wisdom and guidance.one thing that i am positive about is that my groupmates are ain't boring. it's like they're joke machines and everytime you insert a coin in the slot, you cannot help but laugh heartily at their punchlines. hmmm, but with that in mind, i must be able to set a smooth boundary between the tolerable jokes and discussions & improper ones. sometimes i tend to forget the role that i must display and characters needed in order for me to become an effective youth leader because i act childishly and speak as if i'm not a 22 year old lady (uyyy, lady na! di halata). that i must stick into my awareness ALWAYS.i pray that the songs i will be using to lead the young people to worship & be in the presence of the Lord are from the holy spirit and not by my own interest or desire.see ya after the holiday!!! God bless y'all!
God's servant blogged @ | 5:26 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
it's a sunday afternoon, about to embark on its beautiful sunset, when i got a text from the review center. our classes won't start til nov 10!!! a tad of frustration has beset me...lasted for about 30 minutes. i've been craving for a more structured lifestyle these past months and the day that i've been waiting for to happen, has even become the most distant thing to ensue.after reading that text message, i read the other pending texts that i got from a couple of my classmates. i can really sense the intensity of their rage and disappointment, and i cannot blame them. we all felt like we might suffer in catching up and comprehending every topic that needs to be discussed, especially that it's a 2.5 weeks delay from the original date that they have declared. some called the center and got an earful. some texted voicing out every bit of their anger towards them. in my case, i decided to text them and told them that we might have difficulty in tackling all the needed topics, since christmas vacation is gonna happen anytime soon once again. they assured me that it won't happen to us. our adviser will take of it. *sigh* they better make sure of that!when i broke the news to my parents, they didn't react the way i depicted it on my imagination. they were calm and took it lightly. mom kept on telling me that it happened for a reason. i kept on whining kasi that super tagal ng delay....lugi kami...and all that jazz. actually, there's wisdom when my mom told me that simple statement. i believe God designed it to happen. it definitely had its reason!this week, i'm busy with church activities (which i love doing to the nth power!):Monday = Simchat Torah (last day of the Feast of Tabernacles in Israel); night of praise & worshipTuesday = Practice for Youth Jam (a city-wide, inter-church event wherein we're invited to be part of the praise and worship)= Birthday party of our youth member, we went there after the practice. got home around 1:00am. Wednesday = a homebody, wash clothes, TRY TO STUDYThursday = possible day to practice for the Youth Jam on the next dayFriday = Youth Jam @ 7pm, hopefully it'll turn out great by the grace of God. Saturday = film showing during our youth fellowship, practice for musicSunday = sunday service!!! do final arrangements & prepare clothes for youth retreat.*next week*Monday til Wednesday = Youth Retreato di ba?! i'm sure it'll take a lot of energy to be wielded in order to execute these itinerary precisely and with coordination. oh wait...come to think of it, what i just laid-out is purely structural, perfectly arranged. and as you can remember, this is what i wanted! haha! parang akong ewan. stress....good stress....oh yeah! maybe before i was thinking more of a mental stress...longing for it actually; imagine, i haven't used that part of my brain wherein complicated topics are being manipulated. i realized that the present ones needed more of my physical exertion."And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." --- Romans 8:28bad things invitably happen in our lives, but it is only God who can turn all the circumstances into something great. so my hope is in the Lord always, i know that He will never fail me.
God's servant blogged @ | 3:11 AM
i'm really looking forward to seeing my college barkada later, around 11am @ mega. that's the only place we can ever meet halfway, another brilliant option is makati but some of us would still be gathering at mega before proceeding to our actual gmik place...so weird. but i love 'em. i'm sure this will be my final gimmick with my friends that will last for several hours til january...gotta be more serious this time with studies! i could not afford to fail board exam, and so i have to push myself to be disciplined in all aspects...and i mean ALL. whoa, does that also mean having the right amount of food intake??! waaaaahhh!!! that i ain't sure of. we'll see :)i cannot even see myself being serious, "different" and all that jazz regarding the upcoming boards. i was actually thinking of making myself appear nerdy all throughout the review months...but nah, baka may marinig pa akong kung anu-ano pa from other people. and besides, i can't do that. hope i can still apply a little style in my clothing; i'm not used to wearing casual attire during classes. yikes!!! it's officially friday and 3 nights to go, i'll be sooner experiencing the boards syndrome. sheesh, wonder how huge the impact would it make in my life????i'm so sleepy; but i was only up for about 10 hours!
God's servant blogged @ | 12:50 AM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
i love this new layout.. describes the real me in a certain degree. this will be more likely my template for the coming months, since i won't find time again in adjusting the codes as soon as review starts.
yesterday i shared my thoughts about scanning my reviewer book. well well well... i can only imagine! hahahaha!!!
man!!!!!!!!! (hey, i'm not asking for a man ha...you might misconstrue it. nyahaha!)
God's servant blogged @ | 5:56 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
in less than a week, i'll be once again challenged to focus on deepening my education and all the essentials of my future profession. it's gonna be a huge adjustment (i think) since for the past 3 months my life has no structure or specific itinerary to follow. call me boring, but most of the time i am in dire need of that kind - you know, something to look forward to each day and be expectant with what's gonna happen. perhaps a little spontaniety every weekend is sure enough for me to keep going and not to be totally rotten rigid with my plans all throughout the week. kinda excited...being a certified professional isn't too far to imagine right now. yipee.
i hope the review schedule won't be too toxic like the previous OT batch. i hope sundays would be open for me to do outside boards stuff...this will be very unlikely to happen but a spark of faith still floats at the back of my head. should i attend sunday classes? hmmm, it's too soon for me to be in this dilemma. i've informed my youth pastor about this matter since our youth fellowship starts @ 3pm; and my review sked is 1-5pm. ugh, it feels awful but i know that i must set my priorities right. it's not that God isn't my priority, as long as i keep an intimate relationship with my Lord, i'm gonna be alright. as soon as i'm through with this conflict in my sked, i can attend regularly again.haven't opened purposefully my white reviewer book yet and study it thoroughly and sincerely. ahhh!!! i need to do advance reading, c'mon! discipline must start NOW. *reduce tv viewing*limit surfing the net*organize my schedule everyday*musn't get swamped over the phoneand the list goes on...dinner isn't done yet...hafta grab something edible to fill in my hunger pangs :)
God's servant blogged @ | 8:07 PM
| Your Career Type: Social |
 You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.
You would make an excellent:
Counselor - Dental Hygienist - LibrarianNurse - Parole Officer - Personal TrainerPhysical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher
The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer. |
though honestly i don't trust these kind of things...hmmm...it's a good thing i'm on the right track pala. haha!
God's servant blogged @ | 2:20 AM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
not-so-general cleaning ;)hopefully i will be able to allot time to read the novel that i borrowed from my churchmate coz imagine, i was busy the whole day here at home! pretty amazing as a matter of fact. woke up around 1:30pm because i already slept (and have been doing that ever since i became a bum) at 5am - watched PBB Uplate (ooops, why did i mention this??!!), spent time with God, and read the novel. that book's been keeping my eyes glued on each page that i flip and battle the sleepiness that starts to crawl up inside my biological system.when i got to spend my time with the Lord this morning (around 3am, i think), i feel so refreshed not only because i was able to say everything i want to communicate with Him; but i also found time to just be silent and focus only to our Lord. i sang praises to Him and i love doing this. now i have realized that praying is not simply a moment of uttering what's inside our hearts, but also being quiet and just let the flow of God's presence move within where we are. i pray that i won't forget doing this wholeheartedly by the time that my life gets going again as review starts.ok...now for the nice part of this entry...tah-dah!!!i was able to do a room makeover!!! yipee! uh, well...sort of. didn't move a thing from my sister's shelf (we share the same room kasi) but i cleaned her study table, so ok na rin ;)after placing my plate on the sink and burped on my lunch, i immediately worked up my courage and strength to clean my stuffs - more likely the whole room. it's been bugging me from the beginning of my internship year til this afternoon; my general cleaning was supposed to be every 6 months, but i had tons of workload in school that the burden i felt for my room only remained to be a personal liability and emotional exasperation during the whole time. it's the floor that's been continuously kept clean and not my other stuffs so imagine what my shelf, study table and top shelf look like. haha...better not think about it na lang. i just wish Oprah or the more realistic one, At Home Ako Dito would take charge of my room and give it a slick makeover...but man...i better move my butt before the dust becomes a plague in our lovely home! ;) it's so hard for the being the nostaligic that i am to let go of the things that i'm not interested with right now. thank God He reminded me to just leave the things that would be of more importance and help me for future references. i guess most of my fanatic collections deserve a rest and that's why i put them in the dumpster *sob..sob..* i never thought that i will be able to save space big time..now my study table really looks like it and i can actually study on that furniture without the concern of mites, dust and foul smell (eeewwww).and after 4.5 hours, my room appears to be very accommodating and i guess i can spend more time in my room now. =D since i started cleaning during the mid afternoon, i just hoped that my neighbors didn't find it weird on hearing the sound of the vacuum around late afternoon. haha!it's so refreshing to take a bath after doing a hard day's work! thank You God for sustaining me :)received a text from someone...hmmm....didn't reply. ha!while cleaning nga pala, i discovered i had kept a huge amount of money in one of my notebooks. wow! blessings are flowing!!! thank You Lord!
God's servant blogged @ | 11:20 PM
"beginnings are scary...endings are sad...but it's the middle that counts..."
--- from the movie Hope Floats
i love daydreaming, and sometimes, i get to the point where it misleads me because i generate the kind of hope wherein somehow, the ending of my every story would match exactly what i have imagined. it's gonna be a wishful thinking if i will always assume those things to happen. sure, others could come true if it's God's desire to be fulfilled; but definitely not all of 'em will be answered and won't eventually take place.
things happen and there will always be something to learn from it - good or bad situation. i must not overlook the struggles that i encounter because that's where i acquire important virtues/character in order for me to continue on with the race that the Lord has set before me.
most of the time, i used to wallow on things and dwell on what will happen in the end...thus leading me to feel discouragement, heartache or disappointment. And so with that, i forget that i should learn to just live for the moment, keeping also in mind of the journey that i am involved in. cherish each relationship that i established with every people that i've been with & treasure every little thing you have shared with them. i need to keep telling myself that i must always look beyond those negative emotions, let go & release it to the Lord, and just enjoy the times while you can still be with the persons that you have always cared about.
im keeping myself busy....that's good. Reading books that would divert my mind off those troubling thoughts, focusing on my ministry, helping out at home, and spending precious time and long talks with my Lord :)
God's servant blogged @ | 6:08 PM
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
mixednuts
thank God He has given me friends who can always encourage me whenever i'm in doubt and help me get past through every phase of my struggle. i'm currently in the state of confusion but as a friend of mine reminded me of God using different ways for His children to grow deeper and have a mature character, i think i know now where this confusion will lead me into. i am certain that i will soon have peace and assurance in my heart; that i don't need to be too anxious on diminutive things that involve my emotions. God is in control of everything. i have to honestly tell you that i feel down and frustrated whenever i remember an extract of THAT thing. i guess i need to be more mature in terms of handling my own emotions, mabilis kasi akong ma-windang eh.
thank goodness review for boards is weeks away and soon i'll be busy once again. that's more like it!
virtually my lifestyle changed when i started to become a bum. all of a sudden i got no workloads that are of no stress (hey, i'm after the GOOD stress, ok?). i'm used to being occupied...so with that, i don't get to think too much about my pathetic feelings. now that i have lots of idle time, naiisip ko tuloy and though i don't wanna expect myself being in that situation, i cannot help but feel negatively about it.
but on the lighter side, i always find comfort and love from God. He's the only One who can give me hope, assurance and encouragement to help me continue with my race...and remind me to be more mindful and to focus on far more important matters.
God is great. God bless my friends.
God's servant blogged @ | 11:56 PM
afterGRADlife
as i heard their final words about how well i did with my orals, i couldn't help but be torn between my mixed emotion of discouragement and happiness. before i elaborate and tell a dramatic notion about the 'discouragement' part, i'm thankful to inform you that i passed the final requirement of my course and i'm pretty much sure that i can call myself a graduate. honor, glory, and praises will always find their way to escape from my mouth and reach the Lord's Throne; for i wouldn't have done it without Him.
alright, briefly i will discuss the not-so-good part of my passing the orals...just wanna get it out of my system. "..you need to hone your skills more as a future therapist..." i'm just so grateful to tell you guys (defense mechanism aside) that now, i consider it as a challenge and not to belittle my capabilities of becoming an effective occupational therapist (and hopefully a competitive one) someday. they thought i am going to pursue my studies to medicine because they figured that i was more knowledgeable in the medical/surgical part of the clinical case. uh-oh...thanks but, no thanks. studying this 5-year course has been an exciting roller coaster ride for me already and i don't wanna end up purging out all my dreams of working in a hospital & dealing with patients, should i be continuing to study medicine.
my doctor panelist (a psychiatrist) commented on my state of emotion during the final orals - AMBIVALENCE (having positive & negative emotion both at the same time). that made me laugh a bit. thanks, doc. but that didn't help the battle of sentiments that was starting to build up inside as they declared "You passed" right in front of my face.
as i immediately rushed towards where my parents are prayerfully waiting for me (yep, full family support ito), i was trying to brush off the negative vibe coz it would ruin the whole celebration. i tapped my parents' shoulders and they anxiously looked at my face for a reaction. as i made a thumbs up sign, big smiles and discreet cheer has registered into their faces. it was a big relief and I was overjoyed, now that i have made them finally proud of me after everything that has happened. all glory to God!
i think during the afternoon of the next day when the ecstatic feeling of my parents had started to subside. they kept on naming me "the graduate" (was that a Dennis Hoffman flick?). i guess you can never take that emotional high from the ones who brought you up to become a better person & have seen your ups and downs.
there are so many people who are responsible of receiving my thank you's, sobrang dami talaga. i got a huge dose of encouragement, prayer and support from my youth pastor & his wife, 3 nights before i had my final stint at UST. we had an awesome fellowship at our humble habitat, which helped me to drive away all my fears and anticipation. i was able to share with them my future plans, as well as my plans that have been given a "stop sign" from the Lord. i'd still wait upon Him if it's gonna be a stop sign forever, or if i would continue to seek before obeying God. It was definitely a night full of God's wonderful presence and perspectives that are in line to His will. may the Lord richly bless kuya mike & ate ca.
my friends @ church, who never failed praying for me and when i finally broke the news to them, it's so great to see their expression of gladness!
my berks @ UST, guys...thanks for all the academic and emotional support. i deeply appreciate it. I know you're gonna help me to cope with the board exam stress this coming February.
I still have plenty of time before our review (on oct. 24), and for that I would want to be consumed by the Lord in doing His work and maximizing more of my time with Him alone.
Basta, my life is safe in His arms. I fully depend on my Lord. I'm gonna be alright.
God's servant blogged @ | 11:34 PM
